My wife and I had a nuclear meltdown of a fight last week over our dead bedroom, which led to a very acrimonious discussion of divorce (she threatened money and visitation) as well as personal attacks on my sexuality among other things. Following the fight I quietly met with several lawyers, including my best friend who is not a matrimonial lawyer, and feel like I got punched in the gut.

After hearing this story my best friend gave me 4 names to call, but said that the financial weight of the divorce was going too heavy and recommended I try to fix things first. Of the four lawyers I called, one immediately recused herself leading me to believe my wife retained her and the other 3 gave me more or less the same story.

The primary issue is that we have three school age kids and both make relatively good money to support our lives. My wife's employer is currently trying to get her to go into an office, but our state does not have one close by so her default would be she either loses her job or moves the family to their HQ (which is where she grew up). She has been fighting the move with some success, but they all warned me that if I filed she would likely look to make the move and take the kids. That state is very pro mom and any "agreement" would be subject to their courts if I wanted it to be modified.

While my "consent" is required for her to take the kids, if I choose to fight it, I would get 50/50 at best and she will likely shit the bed and lose her job requiring substantial child support and maybe alimony. I cannot afford our current house and an appointment and those payments on a single salary. There is such a thing as "willful underemployment" and the courts will expect her to look for another job, but each lawyer cautioned that those claims take years to bear our and her story is sympathetic given the layoffs occurring now.

If I go ahead, my three options are: (i) lose my kids; (ii) ask my employer to move to that state where we have offices (I never wanted to live there, its not my scene) and fight for 50% custody (harder than my current state); or (iii) a lower quality of life for my kids.

I feel so fucked and lost. I'm mostly here to vent, but I guess I will push for counseling (the state looks favorably on it anyway). I'm separately trying to confirm she did not cheat on me, which would send me to another level of tailspin.