Seeking advice on ammicable divorce online

OLD_BULL_ · 2024-05-14T23:08:03+00:00

I feel like I should be securing renting an apartment before the divorce finalizes but unsure if or how this will work. It would be in my name and I would be showing it as part of my expenses.

Not having anything secured prior to the divorce feels like I could get shafted

No_Pace2396 · 2024-05-14T21:37:47+00:00

She said she would never put me on CS and we're planning for 50/50 custody.

Assuming you mean "Noooo, I will never ask you for child support" vs "I will never pay you child support."

Anyway, could be a high-earner trick. "I'm doing you a favor and won't ask for child support if you don't ask for alimony" for the high-earner, or "I'm doing you a favor. You pay alimony and I won't ask for child support" when she's the low earner. After the divorce the low-earner may be able to go back and ask for child support if the state uses a non-negotiable calculator. You being uninformed/nice guy that never talked to a lawyer you wouldn't do that. My understanding is that child support is usually non-negotiable: you enter the numbers and see what and who is owed, and that is that. She could also alienate you from the kids, take >50-50 custody, then come after you for child support. Don't ask me how I know.

High earners also have the mentality that "I earned it, why should you get any of it???" Your retirement should be split 50-50, and she should have to submit statements showing where her money is. Good thing you know she withdrew that money from her retirement. She may be talking to a lawyer or hens that are giving her advice. At the very least have a lawyer look at w/e settlement she offers you and have him look for traps.

47omek · 2024-05-14T18:00:18+00:00

By 50/50 custody you mean equal parenting time right, and not just 50/50 legal? If so why would you need to worry about her putting YOU on CS if she makes more than you do? If anything it would be the reverse - if anyone pays in 50/50 parenting time it is the higher earner which is her...

OLD_BULL_ · 2024-05-14T16:25:56+00:00

Thanks for the support.

So far the raise wont happen until Sept. The apartment won't happen until July.

Both of our retirements started when we got together so it's all marital property and being that they're close to one another I like to believe that in a 50/50 split it will end up being similar.

The lease on our current apartment is up in July so I'll have to have a secure place and one that the kids can stay in. In that process I'm looking at a 2br because the financial difference of a 1br is about 100-150 which means I could use my room and living room as a place holder for all my tools, etc.

I believe I will be claiming the kids since she's told me I can put them on Medicaid for their coverage.

Winging a single life, 2 kids with 50/50 on 43k will take some adjusting and since most of my money will go in rent I'm not sure if she can avoid child support etc.

RichardCleveland · 2024-05-14T16:04:11+00:00

I would non-nonchalantly take your time with this. Obviously I don't know her, but you can't trust anyone through this process. Let her get the raise so she loses all leverage if she tries to pull something. In fact with 50/50 custody and you making 1/2 as much she probably would be ordered to pay you support. Even if you have no intentions of that, at least it keeps you safe from her coming up with some random bullshit.

Side note; her retirement was marital property. She wasn't suppose to drain it without your approval. My dad pulled this shit and he had to pay my mom back 1/2 of what he took out. With that being said there is currently 55,000 in retirement on the table. 50/50 that, it's her own damn fault she pulled it.

I just realized you said;

she had 25k which she pulled all of it to put as a down payment for her new appt which has not happened yet.

Where the hell is that money currently!?

Anyways she is already being shady (retirement / raise), so I would probably cross off "amicable" already.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-05-14T15:36:46+00:00

My EX and I reached agreements about property/debt division and child support. Judge signed without hesitation. If you work out terms that you both agree to the judge will accept it. Just have a lawyer review you aren't agreeing to anything unreasonable.

salty-sheep-bah · 2024-05-14T15:29:42+00:00

She said she would never put me on CS

You may not have a choice in the matter. I'm sure there's some state specific cases but I have seen more than a few times in these subs where the court orders CS and there's no option for "I don't want it"

Frankly, she may end up having to pay you child support and I'd take this kind gesture of hers as a manipulation strategy to encourage you to do the same for her when the time comes that she's ordered to pay you.

Equivalent_Rabbit_62 · 2024-05-14T14:36:27+00:00

You need to assume that anything she has told you up to this point is a lie. Trust me. She will get whatever she can and screw you over however she can. Even if she had intentions of being amicable the lawyer will easily convince her it’s her right to shaft you. But at the end of the day, it’s not even the lawyer that’s really at fault it’s her own evil desires. Lawyers just tell people what they know they want to hear. Keep your kids out of it as much as possible. Don’t get screwed over. Good luck.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-14T13:37:16+00:00

Aww man. Coming to terms indeed. Sorry.

Practically from my perspective the main thing you need to look at is whether, regardless of what you and her agree, the court may decide to put you on child support. In most jurisdictions, child support is the right of the children that can't be negotiated away by the parents. Alimony, on the other hand, can be waived.

As for your retirement - yeah. Depends if anything was accrued before the marriage but, no offense, with the amounts you're dealing with, hard to justify much legal expense. You may be able to find a lawyer who will look at your agreement only to tell you whether it will comply with the law.

The most expensive problem you can expect is the judge refusing to enter your agreement on the day you go to court. That's when a lot of silly fights start.

Title	Seeking advice on ammicable divorce online
Author	OLD_BULL_
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	May 14, 2024 1:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1crs58i/seeking_advice_on_ammicable_divorce_online/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seeking-advice-on-ammicable-divorce-online.1518477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518477

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