It’s one thing to recite mantras, to remind yourself of your worth, decide you be a queen, and it’s another to TRULY UNDERSTAND the mistakes that led to your years of heartbreak. I’ve been on FDS for a little while, but for the first time, I actually really get it.

I recently broke up with a LVM. Honestly, I’ve been heartbroken. So I’ve been going through FDS, journaling, and reading and rereading the handbook.

So, made myself a rule. I need 3 months of real friendship (so if a guy approaches me without a good reason I know he’s not the one), 3 months of dates, and 3 months of commitment before sex. I was reluctant, though.

That’s when it hit me.

I remember an old ex. He really gave me unconditional love, and I ruined it. I’ve been chasing that sort of love for SO long I feel like. I had sex and relationships and they always crashed and burned. I hailed the good ex as though he was rare.

What set him apart from the others?

7 years of real friendship. We grew up together.

I know I’m reiterating what are known as FDS facts. But it’s like my whole world has flipped upside down.

There are for kinds of love, right? Compassionate, Passionate, Romantic, and Committal. Maybe there’s more I’m not sure.

Compassionate is the ONLY foundation. If you start with passion and not compassion, those pillars will fall. I’m not talking about fake friendship, where boys just talk to you and orbit. I mean REAL. Friendship.

The best love starts here. And my ex isn’t special. We just had special circumstances.

I will only pursue friendship and compassionate love from now. And worst comes to worst, I die single, with a bunch of friends who really do care about me.

Our culture is INSANE! I was immersed in the party culture in my teendom. All my girlfriends and I would cry about the heartlessness of men who pumped and dumped us. Yet, we just focused on getting hotter and hotter so that maybe the one guy that was good out of the bunch, the diamond, would be attracted to us too. WRONG!

Why do the movies, tv shows, songs, and books straight LIE to us? Of course we fell for it! We were so young and so sad. We wanted to be loved and instead we just got shit on. I couldn’t truly see it until now.

I won’t grow to care about someone after starting a passionate relationship. Not in the way I would a childhood friend, or long term friend. But that is the best love. And if that grows into more, it will truly what I’ve longed for and dreamed of my whole life.

My life is changed forever. My future is brighter. This was the lesson I was meant to learn. Thank you FDS.

(I know that this is simply FDS common knowledge. But I am a recovering pickme and I finally made a breakthrough. I wish those who are struggling in the same way open their eyes too. I’m genuinely smiling right now. I’m happy!!)

EDIT: whoa. Thanks for the gold!! It’s my first time :)