28. The Modern Man sits down to pee.

joinedredditlifeover · 2015-10-05T12:53:39+00:00

The modern man does whatever the fuck he wants. End of list.

radpill · 2015-10-05T11:37:27+00:00

28. The Modern Man sits down to pee.

Seriously, wtf?

mahlzeit · 2015-10-05T15:05:26+00:00

Please don't give them page views, use http://archive.is/ instead.

BAWKSES_OF_CAWKSES · 2015-10-05T11:37:10+00:00

I already want to beat up this modern man and take his lunch money. The hell is this nonsense?

knifpearty · 2015-10-05T11:38:34+00:00

The modern man is a servant to pussy without needs or any identity of its own.

Morranaii · 2015-10-05T11:18:28+00:00

27 Ways to Be a Modern Man - a guide to bullshit

SupersonicWings · 2015-10-05T12:41:15+00:00

The modern man cries. He cries often.

Considering that list, this may be the only truthful thing about this mystery "modern man"

Bulletproofmonk · 2015-10-05T12:48:54+00:00

My god, what the fuck is this shit.

And that's why the "modern man's" wife leaves him for some alpha and

"26. The modern man cries. He cries often."

what a load of bullshit.

jimd92 · 2015-10-05T17:36:46+00:00

tl;dr: the modern man has no balls

scarredlife · 2015-10-05T17:57:45+00:00

Another shit test from the fairer sex to sort the wheat from the chaff. You know, to make beta and alpha males distinguishable. To divide us men into categories.

It's the same shit as that "dad body" thing. 'Dem new age bitches run out of creativity, very easy to see through.

MrJugsMcBulge · 2015-10-06T01:47:40+00:00

Ow, my brain.

Might as well have some fun with this

(1) The MGHOW doesn't know shit about women's shoes and doesn't care to know. Women can buy whatever shoes they want with their own damn money - his money is going into a retirement account. And he knows which investment pay big and which don't.

(2) The MGHOW acts as if everything is going swimmingly - without women around to sink his confidence, it usually is.

(3) The MGHOW eats popcorn however he wants - because he's watching the movie at his own house on the sweet home entertainment system he could afford to buy because he didn't waste money taking some woman out to see movies.

(4) The MGHOW cuts the fatty bits off his steak ahead of time and there are no charred bits. He's learned the proper way to cook a steak and every one he prepares for himself is a masterpiece, that all goes down the hatch.

(5) The MGHOW parks wherever he feels like, because he's fully capable of walking to the store no matter how far away it is. And also, he doesn't have to worry about listening to some woman complaining about having to walk the distance.

(6) The MGHOW charges his own electronic devices whenever necessary and expects everyone else to have at least the baseline mental capacity to make sure their own shit is charged.

(7) The MGHOW buys whatever soda he wants, assuming he hasn't decided it's bad for his health and stopped drinking it. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he'll tell you to go to the store and buy your own damn soda.

(8) The MGHOW uses the proper names for things because he isn't constantly on Facebook, Twitter and other social media using dumbass abbreviations and trendy lingo for everything.

(9) The MGHOW has plenty of time to learn new stuff for himself every day because he isn't wasting time trying to educate a kid.

(10) The MGHOW puts dishes away how, where and when he chooses, because he doesn't have a woman around to get butthurt about the logistic of his kitcheware organization system.

(11) The MGHOW has only a vague understanding of what "pinning a tweet" even is. He has better things to do than waste his time keeping up with social media nonsense.

(12) The MGHOW has the intelligence, wherewithal and confidence to deal with discovering his soap is too small mid-shower and does not need to perform pre-emptive soap-size stat-checks.

(13) The MGHOW has a variety of musical tastes, because he is able to explore and appreciate a number of different genres without some woman expecting him to listen to 'her music'.

(14) The MGHOW doesn't need a grocery list, because he knows what he regularly buys doesn't need to keep track of a bunch of stupid nonsense that some woman is requesting he pick up. He also doesn't use his cellphone at the market, because he doesn't need to call some woman to verify and/or clarify what the fuck she expects him to buy.

(15) The MGHOW has a floor of some kind and children have never been anywhere near it.

(16) The MGHOW lies on whatever section of the bed he wants, because it's his bed; any female guests that don't like it, he cordially invites to either sleep on the floor or go home. If an intruder gets in, he assesses the situation and either gets away or fights as needed. Any female guests that might be present at the time can handle themselves.

(17) The MGHOW is confused at the very concept of a 'melon baller', but is not above snickering at the term 'melon baller'. When he serves melon, it is shaped according to the most expedient way of preparing it, usually slices or asymmetrical rhomboid chunks. Anyone who has an issue with that is welcome to go home and ball their own melons.

(18) The MGHOW is smart enough to realize that a number of places just give shoehorns away or, barring that, he knows how to make a shoehorn for free.

(19) The MGHOW doesn't buy any plant that he can't grow, eat, smoke or some combination thereof.

(20) If the MGHOW has a female guest in his bed, he is whichever spoon he wants and if she doesn't like it, she's welcome to go fork herself.

(21) The MGHOW sees a man cleaning up after a child that's sneezed doughnut pieces all over the place and thinks "man, glad that's not me", then goes back to whatever he was doing. If a MGHOW has children, he teaches them basic hygiene, like covering your mouth when you sneeze, so they don't spread disease.

(22) The MGHOW doesn't read the newspaper, because it's nothing but pro-feminist, left-wing propaganda thinly disguised as news.

(23) The MGHOW has pirated digital copies of all of his favorite films, so that he can enjoy them without having given any money to the pro-feminist machine in Hollywood.

(24) The MGHOW is smart and attentive enough to notice that he addressed the issue of cellphone charging back in point (6).

(25) If the MGHOW wants a gun, he is able to buy one because he's not wasting his money on some woman. He also gets proper training in the use of sad gun, which he can fit into his schedule since he isn't wasting time on some woman.

(26) The MGHOW has little need to cry under normal circumstances, since he isn't allowing any women to destroy him emotionally. He may cry at the funerals of loved ones or may also shed a manly tear at moments of true heroism and/or pathos in a work of fiction - but not for manipulative saccharine tripe.

(27) Should he choose to dance, the MGHOW could care less whether people think he's good at it or if he's 'putting on a clinic'.

Slicktorine · 2015-10-05T14:28:57+00:00

Ok - fess up guys, how many of you need to sometimes be the 'little spoon', like this giant vagina suggests? Hahahaha...wow...what a tool.

I bet this limp-wristed milquetoast has more hair-care products and lotions than his wife...

dentedFord · 2015-10-05T14:37:24+00:00

The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

seriously I'm not even sure where they get this shit

Natsume21 · 2015-10-05T15:07:43+00:00

This has to be a troll post from the New York Times.

What kind of gay shit is this?

pirate6728 · 2015-10-05T19:10:30+00:00

I haven't read the article yet-- responding to the comments instead.

It appears the modern man is a Ken doll. Think about it: Ken is part of Barbie's world, he has no identity beyond being Barbie's boyfriend.

What does Ken do for a living? Where did/does he go to school? If he doesn't live with Barbie--- where does he live? What kind of car does he drive?

Nobody knows. Nobody cares. Apart from Barbie, Ken doesn't exist. The modern man-- according to what I see here-- is setting himself up to be a living, breathing Ken doll.

That ain't no way to have to live.

Toiletsareforbabies · 2015-10-06T12:13:08+00:00

A real man has no spouse, so he doesn’t have to buy her shoes.
The real man never gives a shit what other people think of him.
The real man is mannerly. At the movie theater, he can eat a mouthful of popcorn without making obnoxious sounds like drunken hambeasts do.
The real man eats fatty and charred fillet when he wants to. Sometimes he eats steak raw, and it all goes down the hatch.
The real man parks where he wants to.
Before the real man heads off to bed, he makes sure the fire is out..
The real man buys any fucking beverage he likes, whether it is an expensive Scotch or Hawaiian Punch.
The real man uses proper grammar and appropriate vocabulary depending on the situation. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” when shuttling from the airport to downtown; he'll say “chopper” when patrolling the skies over Iraq. He will never use "Helicopter" as an adjective to describe hovering parents like some gauche simpleton.
Not having a daughter makes the real man a saner person. He doesn't have to deal with her new drama every day.
The real man eats from the same cast iron skillet he cooks in. He rinses it clean and puts it back on the stove until he needs it again.
The real man has no idea what a “pinned” tweet is, and he never will.
The real man uses the bar soap he took from hotels when jumping in for a wash. It is used once and then tossed out.
The real man listens to any fucking music he wants to whenever he wants to.
The real man does not jot down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for lists.
The real man has doesn't notice the flooring. Living on his own, there are no children to detect his mood from the stamp of his ass-kicking shoes.
The real man lies in the middle or on either the side of the bed he wants to. If an intruder gets in, he will fight and subdue him, so that the motherfucker doesn't get away.
Does the real man know what a melon baller is? What do you think? A sharp knife cuts the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves to be so uniformly shaped.
The real man has never thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
The real man never says sorry when he buys fresh flowers just because he likes them.
On occasion, the real man is the Big Dipper. Some nights, when he is feeling invulnerable, he needs to get physical.
The real man scolds any child when they sneeze their vile germs everywhere while eating an apple doughnut and the pieces fly everywhere.
The real man strolls proudly half-naked down his driveway each morning to breathe in the fresh air.
The real man downloads pirated movies on Blu-ray from internet torrent sits (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
The real man doesn’t get hung up on his phone. He only needs it when there is an emergency.
The real man has uses for guns and sharp knives. He nay not own them himself, but he never will deny that right for others.
The real man cries. He cries to hide his true stoicism from judgmental people who see the lack of visible emotion as being a sign of mental illness.
People aren’t sure if the real man is a good dancer or not. That is, until he stands up and goes out there and makes it rain..

pluvoaz · 2015-10-05T13:02:37+00:00

OK, I'll admit it - I sit down to pee at home too. I like to relax, check my email & get a few minutes to myself. I'm also the one who has to clean, so it just makes my life easier. I also pee in the shower.

#25? My guns make the best pets, they don't eat much & only bark when I want them to.

me_and_batman · 2015-10-05T17:04:11+00:00

The attitude in each of these things is so contradictory.

"BE A REAL MAN! EAT EVERY BIT OF YOUR STEAK AND LIKE IT!"

"I love my melon baller! tee hee :) :) :)"

Falazure1 · 2015-10-05T17:48:40+00:00

I read something on point one about buying women shoes...instantly lost interest, closed page.

Involution88 · 2015-10-05T20:37:00+00:00

Glad I'm not a modern man. Sounds dreadful.

ahwsun · 2015-10-05T22:20:22+00:00

What exactly is this author trying to say and why is he crying in the picture of him?

thelordofcheese · 2015-10-05T23:24:13+00:00

The modern man is an inhuman machine which dispense cash for females.

manzone22 · 2015-10-05T23:50:44+00:00

1) She can buy her own shoes since she is a strong independent women

2) So lying is ok unless it is lying to women cos that would make him a jerk

3) I am buying my own popcorn so i will eat it the way i want

4) So you want us to eat the fat so we can end up like a landwhale like you

5) If i cant find a parking spot after 2 mins i will go somewhere else or park a few blocks away and you know walk there

6) And teach them to not be responsible? or that the recharge fairy comes in the middle of the night the plug the charger

7) My money so i will spent it how ever i want

8) piss off grammarnazi

9)So you are saying daughters are more valved then sons?

10)Dont like the way i do it you can put the dishes away yourself

11) Dont waste time on twitter since i dont have one so problem solved

14) stop being such a technophobe

15)you want hardwood flooring feel free to pay for it as i am happy with what i have now

16) If i had a wife and she ran away then she would be a ex wife asap, and since feminist love to tell me how women can do anything men can do she can go fight the intruder herself

19) she can buy me flowers since relationships are meant to be a 2 way street

20) why? i enjoy being able to reach around to play with her tits and rubbing my boner against her to get her in the mood

21) Are you on drugs?

22) get my news online like most gen Y's

23) have no idea who that is

24) but i need to take 500 selfies everyday and take a pic of all the food i am about to eat so people who dont know me will love me so battery life is live or die stuff

25) Yeah good luck with that one

26) cries after the death of loved one, yes, cries at the end of the notebook movie, fuck no

raxical · 2015-10-06T04:13:06+00:00

I was going to post a comment about "the modern woman", but even I'm not that much of an sshole.

"Wtf" indeed.

GoHoMoThrow · 2015-10-06T04:24:50+00:00

No woman would fuck this guy in 10,000,000 years.

scubar · 2015-10-06T10:43:16+00:00

The modern woman has a vagina, worship her. /s

mogdog · 2015-10-06T23:34:16+00:00

All this modern man shit seems to be a smoke screen...modern eunuch more like.

PM_ME_UR_PLANTS · 2015-10-07T00:14:40+00:00

The opening paragraph contradicts itself. I stopped reading there.

Kratos_In · 2015-10-07T09:30:42+00:00

The modern man read this list for a good chuckle

TaylordPerspective · 2015-10-09T07:20:33+00:00

I literally read this with this face ಠ_ಠ

3,5,22, and 24 are the only reasonable ones...

Is this a joke?

Title	wtf
Author	Morranaii
Upvotes	43
Comments	57
Date	October 5, 2015 11:18 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/3nk9oy/wtf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/wtf.641156 https://theredarchive.com/post/641156

Comments

28. The Modern Man sits down to pee.