The "Hero Instinct", is a concept that's kind of popular among dating gurus and dating coaches. According to them, all men have a deep instinct to feel needed and appreciated, and be seen as strong by the women in their lives. Some say this need is primal and based in evolution, others say that this "instinct" was placed in men by God.

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I doubt this, partially due to my own experiences in life. If you ask me, not all men have the Hero Instinct. Growing up, I did have a strong, hard-working, masculine father consistently in the home growing up. However, I was far closer to my mother, grandmother, and grandaunt than him. I helped my dad mow lawns, shovel snow off of driveways, and fix our fence one time at one point during my childhood. And even now, as an adult, I've helped my grandaunt put up a new door, put in radiators and ACs, and general household maintenance. And no matter what task I did, whether it was a "man's job" or not, I never got any satisfaction.

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My grandmother has repeatedly called me a "strong guy" (her exact words) for helping her with things as well, especially opening tightly shut jars due to her arthritis. And yet despite my elders sincerely praising me for helping them around the house, I'm never proud of myself for doing it. I never actually feel needed, appreciated, or strong (especially since I'm pretty dang weak as a man). Heck, I even raked up the leaves in my grandparents' yard today--and yes, they thanked me for it--and my "Hero Instinct" never kicked in. I wasn't happy about it, I didn't feel reliable, proud, or manly, despite knowing that I actually was appreciated.

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In fact, my lack of masculine drive to be needed and strong extends to my dating preferences. A lot of men and boys like women who are small--either short or petite in general--thin, and/or delicate, partly because these women make them feel more manly, strong, and like a protector. Women like that, and women who are feminine, make these men feel more like...well, men. I personally could never relate with these guys.

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My type of woman was always tomboys, tall girls, heroic women, women who could fight, hunt, and kill stuff, & generally women who were strong and athletic. Funnily enough, it was the Greek tale of Atalanta, of all things, that helped me realize this.

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So basically, my type was women who were strong, competent, and wouldn't need me very much, if at all. And honestly, it makes sense. If I don't have any need to feel like a needed, reliable protector, dating a woman who would need me is a terrible idea.

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My point is that the idea that men have an innate need to feel needed, strong, and useful by the women in their lives is a bunch of hooey. The Hero Instinct is NOT an instinct. And if it is one, it's not one that all men have.