Failure and Dread Game

sticktothehardstuff · 2014-11-18T04:23:44+00:00

If my understanding of dread game is correct, it appears that it is the manufacturing of the illusion of competition or creating competition anxiety in your significant other or the person you are interested in potentially dating?

If this is correct, than this type of behavior is extremely effective. Unfortunately.

If a person in a committed relationship does this, it is very possible that this is manipulative behavior. If we are just addressing it's effectiveness; it's effective.

But I feel like behavior such as flirting with someone else in front of me would earn a "please don't do that, I don't like it"

Overt flirting in front of you, I'm assuming is poor execution of 'dread game.' If good looking or any type of women seemingly flirted with your boyfriend from time to time, with out any apparent provocation on his part; would it make you a little jealous? Competitive to keep his attention?

Would it confirm feelings of desirability for him? Or would the competition from other women just make you shut down and say you can't handle the attention he receives from other women?

Archwinger · 2014-11-18T03:54:38+00:00

“Dread game” is not a silver bullet. It can result in the destruction of a relationship, but I would submit that in the cases where a relationship fails as a result of dread game, the relationship was already over. It’s hard to call that a failure, because it wasn’t the man’s actions that ended the relationship. All the man did was bring to light the fact that the relationship should have ended long ago.

It’s a very unjust oversimplification to cast dread game as something simple and deceptive, like pretending you’re going to cheat to manipulate a woman with low self-esteem. Dread game is really just about going out and doing your own shit and being happy, without your woman, and as a side effect, she realizes that you’re going to be just fine without her, and if she doesn’t make a bid to keep you, you might do just that.

Dread game works on a few assumptions, the most notable of them being that the woman you’re trying to manipulate still retains a shred of respect for you. Men hesitate to withdraw emotional intimacy from their wives and girlfriends. Men hesitate to do their own thing at the expense of being close with their women. They're afraid the women will leave them. And there’s a chance they might be right.

If a woman respects you and cares about you, then when she sees you becoming distant from her, yet still having a good, valuable, happy life without her, she will work to retain your affection.

If the woman’s done with you and doesn’t give a fuck what you do, then all the dread game in the world won’t have any effect on your relationship. She doesn’t care where you go or when or whether you’re affectionate with her or not, as long as it doesn’t keep her from getting what she wants or make her life too inconvenient. She doesn’t want you cheating, of course, but more because that reflects poorly on her and embarrasses her, than out of love for you.

Dread game is an effective way to destabilize a relationship. Destabilizing a relationship isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If the status quo isn’t working for you and you’re unhappy, you need to destabilize the relationship. Talking about your feelings doesn’t work. Women perceive it as unmanly whining. When was the last time you told your wife or girlfriend, “We don’t have sex enough for my liking and it makes me feel sad, unloved, and rejected?” and actually ended up having more sex that your woman was actually enthusiastically and passionately into?

Exactly. If you want a woman to respect you, she needs to perceive you as a respectable guy. A guy who has a great, happy, fulfilling life with or without her. A guy who could take or leave her, but graciously chooses to include her in his life. A guy who could have other women if he wanted.

Not a guy with no life outside of his girlfriend who begs her for sex and complains when she’s mean to him. You have to be a guy who could leave at any time to be a guy worth keeping. If you’d never leave and you have nowhere to go, and it takes absolutely no work to keep you, you’re not a very worthwhile commodity.

[deleted] · 2014-11-18T02:37:14+00:00

I have no issues with abandoning something I've invested time and money in if I don't feel comfortable with it anymore

Then you're not really a target affected by dread game. It's more used on people with low self-esteem who derive their worth from the opinions of others.

there must be a possibility that dread game will simply push your partner away

Absolutely. Someone with self-respect who knows that they have other options won't stick around in a relationship where one person is clearly trying to antagonize the other. But plenty of other people will stay in a shitty situation because they actually believe that it's the best they can do.

is it advantageous to push away women who don't fit into that model?

Kinda. TRP hardly even acknowledges independent women with their own wants and desires. They only go after the kind of women that TRPers are interested in in the first place, submissive women. The TRP "frame" is based around those women, and it's those kind of women that TRP will find.

figjamftw · 2014-11-18T05:55:22+00:00

An ex tried it on me. That's why he's an ex. Playing dumb games is for angsty teenagers and insecure halfwits.

figjamftw · 2014-11-18T03:40:15+00:00

Dread game is for hot young extroverts and the types of women who thrive on drama, not bookish, earnest or shy introverts, who generally don't require it.

It is also for long time marriages that have grown complacent and stale where the wife has lost attraction and respect

Misteralcala · 2014-11-19T03:42:36+00:00

Dread game isn't just open unabashed flirting in front of your SO - dread game can be employed in any number of ways. Dread game is simply letting your partner know that you are a prize, and that you are fully capable and willing to explore other options if your needs are not being met - if she neglects you, others are waiting to snatch you up.

Dread game plays on a woman's insecurity and jealousy, and it can be used as a bludgeon or a soft whisper. Examples:

It's been a week since you've had sex and she has just rejected you again. Instead of becoming angry, or bargaining or pleading with her, you simply get out of bed, throw on some clothes and shoes, grab your keys and head out. An hour or two later you come back home, calm and happy, and you hop on the computer and browse reddit. When she asks where you went, you say "nowhere" and speak no more about it. It doesn't matter where you went - it could be the mall or Wal-Mart, but it doesn't matter - her hamster will think the worst. Next time you ask for sex, you will probably get it.
You feel unappreciated lately, so you go and buy some fresh baked cookies, put them on a paper plate with colorful cellophane wrap and a post-it note with a smiley face. You set those cookies on the counter and when she asks about them, you simply say "one of my coworkers baked them for me". Shrug it off when she prods you for details or a name. She will probably take a little better care of you so your coworkers don't have to.
She has been talking about her handsome coworker who's so funny! Instead of getting jealous, you hit the weights and start going for runs. You casually mention the cool women you meet on your runs and all of a sudden you don't hear any mention of Mr. Wonderful and she's all over you.
She's become too busy to hang out and spend time with you. Instead of arguing and trying to get her to stay home, you decide to go out three times a week with 'friends from work'. She tries to pry out details, but you shrug them off or you're very vague and dismissive. Suddenly her schedule opens up for you.

These are just a few examples of the near-infinite ways that dread can be applied to get what you want out of the relationship.

powerkick · 2014-11-18T03:07:38+00:00

The thing about dread game (apart from the manipulative aspect nobody likes to talk about) is that it's used after all other options have been exhausted. Usually at that point, it's best to break the relationship off anyways.

Dread game tries to keep it alive like keeping alive an 90 year old coma patient. What the fuck do you do if that coma patient wakes up...that patient is going to die soon anyways.

cxj · 2014-11-18T06:37:19+00:00

I'm sure dread game has failed before, like any other type of game. I don't personally have any critical failure stories for dread game in particular, but generally it won't work if you come off as trying to make your partner jealous. If you already have poor frame and come across as needy or possessive, it would be more likely to backfire.

The reaction you describe is a possible outcome as well. However, the type of person you'd see it out of in my experience is less likely to be flirting with other dudes etc, not necessarily due to attraction/ethics issues but introversion or passivity.

IMO the key to understanding a lot of pickup/game is that it all involves risk on some level. That's why its usually geared around making tons of approaches, because there WILL be lots of failures. Life's a gamble.

drok007 · 2014-11-18T03:37:14+00:00

No, dread game works on most people. I've never seen it be ineffective. I've seen it be unintentionally effective though, like in the cases of accidental dread. I wouldn't modify the concept, but I would make sure that you are using it correctly. BPers tend to have a piss poor understanding of dread game, although the ones who have been on PPD for a while seem to understand it a little better.

The highest level of dread game is actually ending the relationship, so the only way it could fail technically would be for the dreadee to end the relationship prematurely so that it wasn't on the dreader's terms.

SquidwardsEuphoria · 2014-11-19T00:33:17+00:00

I think the idea of dread game has gotten blown way out of proportion. From what I know, it's something you do if your spouse or partner is taking you for granted to the point where it looks like she/he might be on their way to cheating or leaving, or just otherwise being a horrible partner. It's not something you do to "keep them on their toes." It's a last-shot effort to display higher value to someone who very clearly views you as low value.

For example, I'm a pretty good wife. I love my husband. If I got the sense that he was flirting with other women, I'd just be pissed and trust him less. If I had been staying out all night, hanging out with other men, and then I suddenly saw him breaking away too, I might see the obvious: that he's a high value person who isn't going to sit around and put up with that shit.

[deleted] · 2014-11-18T11:15:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

an_absolute_rose · 2014-11-18T04:32:22+00:00

Dread game is to be used when your SO isn't pulling their weight and you're thinking of ending the relationship.

If it fails to produce the desired effect then next. Regardless I have needs and I'm not going to stay in a relationship where they aren't being met.

I've used dread. I think a lot of women, at least in my dating pool, seek to end relationships once they get comfortable. Dread keeps the drama/honeymoon going.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-11-18T06:01:34+00:00

Do BPers ever ask why RPers have to dread in the first place?

[deleted] · 2014-11-18T11:29:37+00:00

I have no issues with abandoning something I've invested time and money in if I don't feel comfortable with it anymore, so I'm pretty much a really shitty, flighty person.

That doesn't mean that you are a shitty flighty person. It means that you have a red pill mindset and that you naturally apply dread game by being independent and showing that you are ready to leave at any time. (Showing = not necessarily in the sense of openly showing it. But an empathetic SO will sooner or later find out that you are ready to leave at any time).

RedPill4LYF · 2014-11-18T15:37:27+00:00

Dread game works best if you've never had to use it before, because you don't want to have to use it. It's a last resort. Does it work? Oh yeah. Can it fail? Definitely. That's just the nature of the game.

Dread game, when you really break it down, is just you standing up for yourself and showing the other person, "Hey look, fuck your bullshit right now. If you don't stop, I'm showing you right now that I have the ability to walk out that door. Don't tempt me."

adrixshadow · 2014-11-18T11:03:40+00:00

Nuclear dread game is basically resuscitation. The relationship is pretty much dead. Of course death is most likely.

More subtle forms of dread game is spice, you use it throughout the relationship.

"please don't do that, I don't like it"

That is the first thing they will say, the question is can you keep getting away with it?

It could be a sudden end to the relationship, but giving in and being a beta is a slow and painful end(actually its a fast end that appears as a slow end).

Its success depends on many factors like the ambiguity of the relationship(date,fuck buddy,committed), boundaries, investment, SMV and so on.

Like any skill you can get better at it, you know with what and when you can get away with it.

Title	Failure and Dread Game
Author	quiet-observer
Upvotes	10
Comments	78
Date	November 18, 2014 2:30 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2mmhwd/failure_and_dread_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/failure-and-dread-game.284345 https://theredarchive.com/post/284345

Comments