How does the TRP explain this female-male friendship?

max_peenor · 2015-06-01T15:34:23+00:00

Why hasn't he tried to fuck me?

The same reason there are 40 year old virgins. Some boys don't have the chops to close the deal. If you made a move, he would respond.

(Assuming he isn't closeted, you are actually as attractive as you say, etc and so forth.)

YES_BOIIS · 2015-06-01T12:03:36+00:00

why isnt he trying to fuck you?

because hes too whimpy to cheat

he'd want to though.

disposable_pants · 2015-06-01T12:09:24+00:00

I hit it off with a guy at a party and he invites me to dinner.

A man doesn't meet a single woman at a party, get her number, and ask her to dinner just to be friends. That's so far beyond the pale that you not only fully assumed it was a date right off the bat (there was no "Is this a date or are we just hanging out?" ambiguity) but you are still wondering if he's romantically attracted to you even after he's made no moves and flat out told you it's platonic. There are only two possibilities:

This guy has astoundingly awful social skills. The fact that he has a girlfriend, proactively asked a stranger to dinner, and was astute enough to gather that you thought it was a date means the chances of this are almost non-existent.
The guy has some romantic attraction to you, or at least had it at one point.

Maybe things are rough with his girlfriend and he's setting up backup plans (consciously or otherwise). Maybe he wants you, but wants you to make the first move so he's knows you're down to be the other woman before he assumes the risk of actively cheating. Maybe he's trying to cheat but is the type of guy who only knows the friendzone path to sex. Maybe he wanted a one night stand originally but got cold feet. Any of these are far more likely than him really, truly cherishing those one-on-one "friend dinners" for the platonic conversation they provide.

prodigy2throw · 2015-06-01T13:08:14+00:00

But you don't want to be friends. You want to fuck him. Thus, men and women cannot be friends as one side always catches feelings for the other. In this case, you're the one catching feelings.

TRP usually mentions the guy getting friendzoned but women do as well. You still proved the overall point that men and women can't be friends unless one of them wants to fuck the other.

YerriPulka · 2015-06-01T12:16:48+00:00

How attractive are you, OP? Also how old are you?

Maybe he's got standards and picky about who he wants to bone, maybe he's worried about the guilt over cheating on his girlfriend, or maybe he's a fag in disguise.

Only way you can know is by making a move on him. Let us know how it goes.

gavinok · 2015-06-01T16:33:44+00:00

He is too beta or wimpy to cheat, enough said

Nazrath2112 · 2015-06-01T13:45:15+00:00

From Ladder Theory:

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

The guy is gay
The guy does not find you attractive
The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

This might be an example case for number 3?

sumant28 · 2015-06-01T13:04:05+00:00

He's beta and is hoping that you will make the first move. That way in his mind he can justify why he won't feel guilty about cheating on his girlfriend because someone else came onto him.

Whisper · 2015-06-01T22:03:48+00:00

You have an orbiter. The reason he hasn't made a move is because he's afraid to.

alreadyredschool · 2015-06-01T10:08:41+00:00

He thinks you are cool and wants to be your friend. What is so complicated about that?

Bakerofpie · 2015-06-01T13:07:45+00:00

I see the whole men and women can't be friends thing like this: sure, maybe these male friends would fuck their female friends if they had the chance, but that doesn't mean they're thinking about it constantly or scheming to make it happen. Just because if they were left alone with you in a secluded location and the alcohol was flowing and the timing was just right they would happily get it on with you, doesn't mean they are only in it for the hopes of sex one day. I don't care if the thought of fucking me has fleetingly crossed their mind. Decide whether or not you would have sex with this dude if the situation came up. If so, just keep the friendship going and don't worry about his intentions because unless you're falling for him it ultimately doesn't even matter.

koolman_collective · 2015-06-01T11:44:25+00:00

I would be slightly wary of it, honestly. I mean if my significant other would regularly spend hours and hours alone with another person of the opposite sex in intimate conversations without a group context or without a therapeutic relationship, I would certainly be curious what they're talking about and check wether our relationship is lacking something. I mean, once in a while, sure. However, if it's a regular thing you don't think something "illicit" could suddenly develop?

I really have a hard time imagining someone from the opposite sex who gets into you on an intimate psychological level like that, one-on-one of all things, who couldn't also easily "slip" into other things. The only problem then is, even though it was obvious from the start that what you are doing is dangerous, once the "slip" happens people like that play all innocent: "Oh my Gosh, so sorry how did that happen??" Duh. You guys are playing with fire by doing this. It may be the case that he is simply addicted to the intensity of getting to know new people and his SO is kind of old hat now.

Don't get me wrong, I've heard of super-intense one-on-one platonic relationships but that was in a documentary where a woman had a months-long relationship with a monk from a nearby monastery!

So, honestly, if I were you, I would ask about his SO. Is she cool with this? Why is he not having these conversations with her? Why are you alone with him and haven’t even met her? Sorry, that's just way too dangerous, especially because you don't know the guy or the other woman. It would be one thing if he were an old male friend who you trust. Even then, it's always good to be in a group.

A similar thing happened to me. A woman I got to know in a hobby context invited me out to lunch. I knew she had an SO but I thought no big deal, we're friends from the thing. She basically said that her boyfriend was a little emotionally removed and we started getting to know each other. The alarm bells went off a little bit later when she asked more and more questions about me and wanted to invite me to dinner. Thats when I realised she probably wants a bit of psychological intimacy which for some reason she isn't getting from her SO. I mean if she had asked me to a get together with everyone, great. But a one-on-one meeting again? No thanks. I don't want to be in a position like that at all. Either she fixes it with her boyfriend or she breaks off with him and finds someone more available. I say this because unfortunately, I've also been in positions where it went too far. Full blown affairs. Horrible. You feel like a rat. So maybe that's why I'm weary of the scenario you just described.

TheRealMewt · 2015-06-01T14:07:34+00:00

Going against the grain here, but maybe he's trying to dread game his gf?

Anarchkitty · 2015-06-01T22:49:23+00:00

EDIT: I just realized I didn't actually address the OP's question. There are two explanations in my mind: (1) He's like me, and while he might want to fuck you, he doesn't need to, and he values his relationship and your friendship more than that desire. (2) He could also be a lying asshole, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I suggest you trust his motives, but don't let yourself fall in love. If you can't help yourself, explain to him that you can't trust your own feelings and need some space; take the time you need, and put him in the "friends" box in your mind and your heart.

I speak from some experience on this matter.

I have (female) friends that I fuck, I have (female) friends that I don't fuck, and I have (female) friends that I used to fuck and don't any more (usually because they have found a monogamous partner) and we're still friends. I have also lost friends because we were fucking and someone had to go and develop feelings that weren't shared, and that always sucks for both of us.

I would probably fuck any of my female friends if they wanted to. Even ones I'm not really attracted to, because they're friends and I like doing nice things for them. They are all aware of this, and they also all know I would never do anything they don't want me to, and that it wouldn't mean anything if I did fuck them.

I have been to the weddings of two former-FWBs (now just Fs, lost to the scourge of monogamy), and performed the wedding service for another FWB.

Tell me again how men and women can't be friends because sex. The only thing that is required is mutual respect, which is why Red Pill guys can't make it work. You need to completely change how you see sex, friends, relationships and humans.

VerticalSmileyCyrus · 2015-06-02T19:06:48+00:00

The dude is satisfied, for whatever reason. He is fucking plenty of other people, or he has a low sex drive or whatever.

I also have female platonic friends! But, I am satisfied. I have fucked tons of people in the past, I have in the past fucked some of the women I am platonic friends with now, my physical and spiritual needs as regards sex are met.

Ergo, it does not drive me mad to spend time with a woman that I am not fucking. I do not feel like a hungry animal that is having steak waved in its facebecause I am not hungry.

When I was a younger man, things were different. I was hungry, and I wanted to fuck every woman I knew.

DStoo · 2015-06-01T13:58:38+00:00

here are TRPers claiming that men and women can under no circumstances be platonic friends

They claim it doesn't exist because they themselves haven't ever done it. It's like claiming skydiving doesn't exist because I've never done it.

dejour · 2015-06-01T14:21:43+00:00

Some people have morals about cheating. Some people hate rejection.

Anyways, for me the idea isn't that men and women can't be friends. It's just that given the right circumstances the guy will want to have sex with you. I should also add that just because he wants to have sex with you doesn't mean that sex is the only thing he values. Maybe you are smart, funny, have similar interests and always have a good time. That's very valuable. But it would be even more valuable to have all that and sex too. If the guy knows that sex is not an option, then many men are happy to appreciate the friendship.

mordanus · 2015-06-01T15:00:12+00:00

This guy is just afraid of the risk of escalation. Show more interest and imply you are willing to go further with him and he should take the hint.

How does the TRP explain this female-male friendship?

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"Go to the gym & don't be boring".

Title	How does the TRP explain this female-male friendship?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	68
Date	June 1, 2015 10:04 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/382b43/how_does_the_trp_explain_this_femalemale/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-the-trp-explain-this-female-male.281854 https://theredarchive.com/post/281854