Failing....

2020-02-24T20:28:17+00:00

My heart goes out to you. I want to say first that you’re doing a great job. Having little kids is so stinking hard. It sounds like your husband is a big help and is understanding of your workload. The kids will get older and I think you’ll be able to catch your breath in time.

It’s good to have high standards and goals. It’s also good to make sure your babies get all the love and attention they need. They’ll thank you for it in the long run.

Maybe try a nighttime beauty routine. Try hairstyles that you can wear to bed and take down the next day so your hair looks more styled. And clean skin always looks beautiful and healthy.

All the best. This too shall pass.

battmaker · 2020-02-24T20:58:31+00:00

I (male) have kids the same age and wife is sahm. You are doing great. These ages are incredibly tough! I can scarcely handle both kids on my own with any degree of polish or productivity for a few hours, let alone all the time! Be proud and make sure you appreciate that healthy amount of pride. Make sure your hubby recognizes it as well.

whitcris · 2020-02-24T20:08:26+00:00

Girl. You are not failing. I have children with similar ages. It is damn hard. I wouldn't say it is boring, but it is draining AF to have little ones. Especially a young baby and an older child at a demanding age. You are counted on to be the emotional center for a bunch of co-workers with absolutely zero self-control as well as the only physical means of care. If you are anything like me...i find it totally over-stimulating. Yes. They can barely speak full sentences, but they totally can frazzle your mind. I tell my husband I feel like a frayed electrical wire at the end of the day.....

So...all that is to say...i know you said you dont have PPD...but I would encourage you to talk to your OBGYN or a trusted friend. We all have down days, but if you find you are more down than not...get yourself some support. Also, babies are just hard. It just IS. It sucks. But try to remember it gets...less physically demanding.

Are you getting out? I dont even mean with friends or out shopping or anything...i just mean out by yourself. My mom (and aunt) told me when i had kids to make sure to take some time to myself each day. I know it is easier than it sounds...but even just hiding in the bathroom for 15 min is amazing sometimes. It is so important to just TURN OFF. The mantra "i breathe in...i am calm. I breathe out...i smile." Has really helped me.

As far as beauty goes....i just watched a busy mom tutorial from Ali Andrea (youtube) about makeup and she emphasized the importance of less products...better quality. You can find a balance between chapstick and messy bun and full glam I think the tutorial strikes a good balance. I also just found a video feom Marianne Le Couer ( i posted it in FNF) and she had a lot of advice on being a SAHM and not looking like a...SAHM...

Sorry for the novel. I just...am SO THERE. And it sucks...but...this is a season. This is a season. All we can do is the next right thing (yeah, i have two daughters...Frozen 2...daily...)

teaandtalk · 2020-02-24T22:29:30+00:00

Big hugs! It's okay to have lower standards for housekeeping when you're dealing with a baby and an almost-threenager. You have a lot on your plate! That's not to say you shouldn't try - but you also need to be gentle on yourself, and not worry about everything being perfect.

Is there anything you can drop off your list? For example, my husband is not fussed if the shower is sparkling every day. If (when) I have a baby, that's one that I'm sure will get removed from the list of priorities.

Also, remember that the fewer things you have, the easier it is to clean! Kids don't need many toys - and rotating them out is super healthy for them. The more minimal your house is, the less there is to dust/wipe/move/put away.

boblee77 · 2020-02-24T20:32:37+00:00

The 3 yr old is old enough to go to preschool 3 days a week. That would help tremendously.

lemonfluff · 2020-02-25T18:07:53+00:00

You're not giving yourself a break and you have really high expectations of yourself. You're a mother, you must be exhausted. Does your husband help take some of the strain off when he's home? Is there a reason you are still cleaning after the kids are in bed, can your husband not help with that? Your whole language is very self depricating, as if your problems aren't valid or somehow you're a worse person for having them.

Be kind to yourself. Practice it. You deserve a rest. You are doing really well. But you can't do it all. It's OK to struggle and it's OK to ask for help. You don't have to be perfect by any means, you sound like you're raising 2 happy, healthy kids, that's what matters. But please make sure you are making time for YOU. You matter too, and you will burn out quickly with a routine like the one you described. Give yourself time off for you, away from the kids. Take up a hobby maybe. You'll be OK, but pushing through or punishing yourself for struggling or needing time off is damaging. Be nice to yourself, it's OK. No guilt, just have a break and make time for you because you deserve that. :)

Tea-and-cupcakes · 2020-02-24T21:53:45+00:00

My kids are just a little bit older than yours, with the same age gap. It's really hard. I just try to remind myself that the children's wellbeing, my mental health, and my relationship with my husband have to take priority. Which means that sometimes the house won't be as clean as it use to be, or we'll have easy breakfast foods for dinner, or I'll the kids for a nature walk instead of sticking them in the stroller so I can jog. Life is different now, and I'm so grateful that my husband supports this for us. Make sure to take time for your relationship and talk about what each of you want to prioritize. And tell him that the reason you're going to bed early is specifically because you're tired from the children, like don't let him think that you're upset with him.

One recommendation that I have for making life with 2 kids easier: a baby carrier. This makes chores so much easier.

Domestic_Vibrator · 2020-02-26T20:45:03+00:00

I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. I am also a SAHM, and some days, I just feel dead inside. I hate leaving the house since it's a huge hassle. I don't have much of a social life either. So, I totally feel you. There are a few things I have learned from my journey so far that have helped me.

To help with cleaning, do a little as you go, every day, all day. Something exploded in the microwave? Clean it right then. Huge pile of laundry? Just do the whites today. That way, cleaning a very dirty room doesn't feel like a monumental task that will take hours. I also clean my kids hands after every meal to cut down of grime around he house.
Get rid of absolutely everything that isn't needed and doesn't have a place. Clutter affects your mood. It's also easier to clean up if there's less stuff. I have a basket downstairs with my son's toys in it. I leave the rest in his room. We rotate the contents in his basket every week.
Make time for yourself. My husband watches the kids for 1-2hrs every Thursday while a take a relaxing bath.
While the kids are watching a show, I will watch a beauty (hair/makeup) tutorial on Youtube. Then, I will try it out later that evening before my husband gets home.
I get SAD (seasonal affective disorder) pretty bad during the winter...so when it is Sunny, go outside. It makes me feel better pretty quick.
Coffee. Lots of coffee.

36trombones · 2020-03-13T00:00:12+00:00

You sound like you are spending a LOT of time on housework! No wonder you feel overwhelmed. If I read this right, you're spending a few hours in the morning doing chores, then more chores in the afternoon and evening.

When I was at your stage, with a toddler and a baby, I did basic upkeep throughout the day (washing dishes and wiping surfaces) and then a blitz at night. I did bigger chores when I had extra time or when the kids napped.

I really put most of my energy into the kids at that stage. Playing with them, reading to them, cooking with them, whatever. Lots of outings, twice a day if possible, to the playground, which is where I got to see my mom friends too. I also made sure to exercise whenever possible. The housework was less of a priority!

Title	Failing....
Author	misstulip97
Upvotes	19
Comments	17
Date	February 24, 2020 7:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/f8whwh/failing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/failing.340262 https://theredarchive.com/post/340262

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