Heart still aches for my virginity

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-09-25T20:01:01+00:00

You have a low n-count and are married with a kid. Your marriage is not breaking down over this. Marriages where both parties were virgins before each other can fail and marriages where both parties had many partners can last. N-count is a predictive factor but not a deciding factor.

In fact, you may not be dealing with a breaking marriage at all but rather some postpartum depression - there's not enough information on your account to see. Please consider reaching out for medical help if this could be the case, and do all the normal depression-busting things (getting out in the sun more, light exercising, getting a good multivitamin so you aren't depleted especially if you're breastfeeding, making sure you're still spending time with friends despite having a baby, etc.).

And as other have pointed out, your phrasing about your virginity loss is a little ambiguous. As phrased, you could be regretting a poor, drunken decision, or reeling from being outright assaulted while physically vulnerable. Either could potentially haunt you years later, and deciding how to frame your experience and think of yourself in light of it is something you need to do rather than continually circling over the idea. Are you religious? Is that why having an n-count beyond your husband bothers you so much?

undothatbutton · 2023-09-26T00:25:18+00:00

I’m sorry you’re struggling but it has been 7 years since then and it seems odd you still haven’t processed this to such an extreme degree that you feel your marriage is breaking up over it. Was your partner a virgin until marriage? Do you feel like your first sexual experience was non-consensual and that’s the hold it has on you? It is unusual - to say the least - to be this distressed by a handful of sexual experiences you had 7 years ago.

Marissa_Smiles · 2023-09-26T02:17:43+00:00

I think you’re fixated on this. The real issue seems to be the way in which you lost your virginity. I also see the casual sex as a result of this incident. You need to work through this. It’s clearly effecting your everyday life and marriage at this point. Please seek help

foxesgloves · 2023-09-25T20:54:27+00:00

I wasnt a virgin when I first slept with my man and neither was he.

I remember after the first time we both giggled and said it felt like loosing our virginity. Reflecting on it I think it’s because before we slept together we were so emotionally connected that we were really sharing such an intimate experience together

Neither of us had a high body count either, I’ve only ever slept with boyfriends.

You don’t have a high count and your married now. I think you should reframe it in your mind, there’s a lot of very special experiences you share together, you made a whole human together!!!

ClarityByHilarity · 2023-09-26T02:14:33+00:00

Honest question, is this something you care about or something you care about because your husband cares about it? It’s ok to not be a virgin when you get married and it’s odd to still be concerned with this after motherhood and marriage. You need to find the root of it.

IcarusKiki · 2023-09-25T22:21:14+00:00

I have an n count of 1 and I lost my virginity to a quarantine bf three years ago. I’ve since broke up with him unadded him from SM and haven’t talked to him in a year and almost never think about him. People here and on the Red Pill community overblow the whole virginity pair bonding thing. Yeah casual sex isn’t something to aspire to but the whole never getting over your first thing isn’t real. Most women I know don’t even think about it

RevolutionaryDetail5 · 2023-09-26T15:53:25+00:00

That’s really sad and honestly understandable that you feel this way. Obviously you deal with some unprocessed feelings that came out after having a child and that happens quite a lot when women become mothers for the first time because that’s when your confronted with feelings that you suppressed before. It’s like a child forces you to look at your feelings like a mirror. And when that happens it’s overwhelming and truly feels like the end of the world and that’s not your fault you just need to let those emotions out. The situation is messed up and if it was me I would feel like it was out of my control and I wasn’t respected in that sense. But when we’re young and inexperienced we don’t know how to interpret our actions and don’t really know what we’re experiencing and feeling at the time really means! But our bodies on a subconscious level definitely know! So maybe in your head you thought it’s fine but your body wasn’t ready and now let’s you know by feeling like you feel right now! I hope that you will come out of this and can understand that you shouldn’t punish yourself for something you didn’t know at the time. Unfortunately life is a mean teacher but it still can turn out good if you just let yourself go through what you have to go through and look for the lesson in the situation! Try to take care of your body by eating healthy and all the known things you can do. Learn about psychology human behavior etc.! It’s all because of something that we need or miss that we behave in certain ways to feel happy. So I’m telling you it’s going to be ok and I hope that your family is there for you and holding you tight in this time!

CupPreious1583 · 2023-09-26T19:31:20+00:00

Now, there is absolutely no detail about what's wrong at the moment in your marriage ???

NaturalBridge12 · 2023-09-26T04:03:02+00:00

Today if I was able to marry a girl in her 20s who had slept with less than four people honestly that’s the modern equivalent to marrying a virgin in 1829

AutoModerator · 2023-09-25T19:24:51+00:00

Title: Heart still aches for my virginity

Full text: At 24 I was very very drunk and my virginity was taken by my then ‘ boyfriend ‘

After this I had casual sex with a colleague a few times because I wanted a ‘ normal ‘ experience.

I’m 31 & a mother now but still hurt that I didn’t get to lose my virginity after marriage like I’d always wanted to. I feel like my relationship with my husband has in part broken down because of it. Has anyone been through anything similar?

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Wolf180409 · 2023-09-29T23:19:10+00:00

You have to forgive yourself for past mistakes!! Dwelling on them will only hamper your future. Be kind to others! On the same note, be kind to yourself! Good luck with your relationship!!

Title	Heart still aches for my virginity
Author	Littlemissme92
Upvotes	49
Comments	16
Date	September 25, 2023 7:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16s1bdq/heart_still_aches_for_my_virginity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/heart-still-aches-for-my-virginity.1233043 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233043

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