Discussion: Sex & Feeling Sexy

angie_jb · 2023-10-12T15:02:37+00:00

Books! Romance literature puts me in the mood, you are forced to use your imagination most of the time and I’m one of those women that will get excited with thoughts rather than explicit images or videos.

One of the common advices you get in a Latino family is: don’t EVER stop getting ready for your husband, if anything you have to put more effort and look pretty everyday 💅🏽

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2023-10-12T16:02:42+00:00

I was pregnant or breastfeeding for eight years straight and when I was done with both, at 38, my sex drive went waaaaaaaay up. I always thought this was feminist bs, that women got horny in their late 30 and 40s, but it's absolutely true for me.

If nothing stood in my way (kids, work, husband being at work), I'd have sex three times a day, ha. My husband is in his late 40s and I'm 9 years younger, and my sex drive outpaces his right now. Sex makes me feel loved and desired more than anything else these days. I think it's because I hit 40, I know I'm aging but not yet "old" looking or menopausal, so I want to make the most of this time.

Before pregnancy the novelty of the relationship, our whirlwind new relationship energy had me feeling pretty sexy (got pregnant about two years in).

And during the pregnancy/breastfeeding years...well...it was a combination of the desire to please, feel close and feel desired by my husband despite having leaky boobs. Having an active sex life is extremely important to me, and I think even mediocre sex is better than no sex.

Practically speaking, I love my husband's playful sex banter and laughing together. Making out almost always gets me in the mood.

SunshineSundress · 2023-10-12T17:14:03+00:00

We both have quite high drives, and I find myself initiating pretty much as often as he does (this is how we end up doing it more than once a day 😅). I realized that physical touch is a higher love language for me than I thought, and I get the most in the mood if we’ve been touchy all day because it makes me actively want him! If we’re cuddling, it’s pretty much a guarantee that we will get it on 😂

Feeling dolled up and cute definitely helps me feel sexy too, so I think you’re onto something. There’s nothing like the electricity I feel when I know I’m looking my best and I can give him “the look” 🤪 We can still get busy on our lazy Sundays where we’re in sweats and haven’t left the bed all morning, but nothing hits the same as me feeling like a little minx all done up for his eyes only.

Conversely, although I love going out on dates with my man and I feel like it definitely builds our emotional bond (which makes me feel loved, appreciated, and more open to sex and intimacy in the grander scheme of things), I am usually feeling tired, too full from eating, and gross from being outside for a long time right after a date. That usually puts me in less of a mood to have sex, although I personally never say no to sex unless I am actually ill because I always get in the mood eventually. It’s just not the most ideal way for things to start off for me, but I guess it still ends well.

Something else that keeps things exciting for us is adding an element of play to sex. It doesn’t have to be this big serious thing all the time, and we’ve done lots of silly stuff like me putting on a Southern accent for the night (an idea I stole from you 😂) or him trying to catch me around the house. It takes off the pressure of needing to have “perfect” sex all the time, and lets you have a genuinely good time outside of actual intercourse. Some people would be mortified if their partner starts laughing or joking while they’re having sex - I actively welcome it!

Personally, I attribute a lot of my high sex drive to my ability to orgasm. I know a lot of women have not or cannot achieve it, but I think it’s worth trying to open yourself up to it even if you never actually get there because the process of getting to it is quite enjoyable as well. My trick is what I call the “sexy mantra” - focus on a singular sound, like a moan, or a sexy word, or even your partner’s name, and just repeat that in your mind at a slow beat. As things pick up, you can increase the rhythm of your sexy mantra and start to match it to the pace of your partner’s, er, actions. As things pick up and get more heated, you continue to increase the rhythm of your sexy mantra until you are saying it nonstop over and over, mirroring what climaxing feels like and sometimes causing the orgasm itself.

The benefits of the sexy mantra go beyond orgasm itself. It takes your mind off of any intrusive thoughts that are unproductive for good sex like “is my belly looking pudgy right now?” or “I wonder if I started the dishwasher”. Making rhythm a central part of the experience often makes it much more visceral and sometimes even spiritual (a lot of religious ceremonies have rhythmic components for this reason). The way it mimics an orgasm also encourages a physiological response as well, kind of like mind-muscle connection!

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-10-12T15:23:47+00:00

We both have a high drive. Spontaneity and collaboration drive me crazy. When something happens out of the blue that forces us to work together to solve it, I feel I want him very much. It can be very exciting. Especially eye contact.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-10-12T15:56:17+00:00

Getting directions throughout the day of certain things to do, or teasing, some sexually charged communication. Playing with your nipples or edging a bit throughout the day. Makes things go way smoother when you’re finally together, I have found. Looking good doesn’t really make me feel sexy as much as like, thinking about sex does lol, I guess.

In my last relationship I started a bed time routine to be ready if he wanted to get down, it’s a bit more involved than I’d want to discuss publicly lol, but it certainly helped things lol! There were some medical issues on his part that made sex difficult sometimes, so it was very unpredictable when it could happen.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-10-12T18:46:54+00:00

I wish I had something to contribute but I'm one month into a ~3 months period of abstinence for medical reasons and thinking about it is more than I can take lol.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-10-13T04:26:10+00:00

I desire sex more frequently than my husband so my time is more focused on either dampening my arousal or learning how to initiate effectively.

What gets me going tends to be thinking about how much I like him and feel proud to be with him. Being seen in public together is very exciting. Hearing about his accomplishments or that he had a productive day is also very exciting. I like when he talks about something he's passionate about; I feel inspired to get some of that passion directed at me.

IcarusKiki · 2023-10-12T20:26:07+00:00

Weed. Not even joking

leosandlattes · 2023-10-12T16:14:10+00:00

My fiancé has a lower sex drive than I do, so normally I don’t have to hack my brain, so to speak, into being in the mood lol. But he does like it when I initiate sometimes, and certain things do make me feel sexier to get myself into the mood to initiate.

I’m not into “sexy” styles of makeup but doing my skincare routine and a bit of mascara and gloss makes me feel like my natural features are enhanced, and that makes me feel pretty and gives me a confidence boost.

Freshly shaving my legs and laying down naked after my body routine always feels nice. I think it’s the soft sensations and warm skin that make everything feel sort of hypersensitive.

RedPillDad · 2023-10-12T23:05:22+00:00

get my body moving

"Motion creates emotion" is a powerful concept. At the highest levels of performance, ENERGY is the most valuable resource.

When it comes to sex, men are an on/off switch, very easy to switch on. Women are more like a thermostat that requires nudging and time to raise the heat. Your concept of 'pre-warming' your readiness level is terrific. You're taking some of the burden off him to get you in the mood.

AutoModerator · 2023-10-12T14:46:18+00:00

Title: Discussion: Sex & Feeling Sexy

Full text: Most women have a receptive sex drive. We may not be into sex with our partners until things get going or he does something to trigger sexy feelings.

I have noticed, for myself, that feeling sexy will put me into a much more receptive mood. This can mean getting dressed and doing hair and make up before sexy time starts. I've also found physical activities that get my body moving in a specific way (dance or yoga) can put me in a more receptive mood.

What do you do to hack your brain to get in the mood? Does your partner have a high drive or do you? Does feeling pretty/sexy make you more likely to desire sex? etc etc etc

^{I have lots of thoughts on the matter, like that we spend all of our dating time getting dressed up and going out and then taper that down as we get comfortable and this is a contributing factor to lowered rates of sex later in relationships...but I'm going to leave this all for discussion in the comments}

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

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Title	Discussion: Sex & Feeling Sexy
Author	Deliaallmylife
Upvotes	53
Comments	21
Date	October 12, 2023 2:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1768p08/discussion_sex_feeling_sexy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/discussion-sex-feeling-sexy.1234890 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234890

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