Can’t go past the honeymoon phase

StVirgin · 2024-04-25T12:37:09+00:00

Love is not a feeling, it's action that stems from a decision to stay with your person and making it work. So the first step would be to make sure that this is your person and you're on the same page about building a life together.

I know, I was a fireworks addict my whole life. It wasn't until my very late 40-s when I realised how delusional my expectations were, and only then was I found by a really amazing man. We're married now and our life is so loving and great!

Don't wait as long as I did - you might not get that lucky that late in life. Ditch the disney illusions, they're so temporary. Vet for compatibility!

Square_Resist_4459 · 2024-04-25T12:40:34+00:00

I think you just have to find your person. Someone who you know is going to be worth it even after the honeymoon phase. Someone who you know has a future, someone who you know is worth working for. A relationship is work and long term relationships are hard for anyone. It's going to suck sometimes. But once you find that person that, at the end of the day, whether it's good or bad, you are happy coming home to them. Make sure you are happy with yourself first off. Make sure you know you are happy with or without someone. Get it into your head that you need to find someone worth it, even when it's not fun anymore.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-04-25T16:21:44+00:00

I think we’re always looking for the next ‘thing’ in a relationship to keep that spark going. Dating eventually leading to an engagement then marriage then kids etc

I consider myself an extremely restless person (which is why I actually make a pretty decent SAHM haha!) and when I met my husband and dated him for a long time, the honeymoon phase has ebbed and flowed with our relationship over time but I have never once gotten bored with him.

I’ve found in every other past relationship when the honeymoon phase ended, all of my interest in the person did as well. It didn’t with my husband because we both recognized early on that the glue that keeps us passionate is always having projects we’re working on together as a team. Everything from a small project like backyard landscaping, to raising a family together with intention, are those ‘projects’. I think discussions around shared long term goals early on in dating will give you a clear picture of if this person is someone you will want to keep committing to for life.

AnonTheGreat01 · 2024-04-25T12:20:45+00:00

I think you should dig deeper into what the underlying issue is. From what you describe here, it doesn't seem apparent to me that you've dug beyond just a surface feeling level, which is strange for having been a whole year in therapy. If you can't pinpoint the exact cause of the feelings and subsequent self-sabotage, there's little hope that the issue can be resolved.

Reasonable_Tie_132 · 2024-04-25T21:29:25+00:00

I felt this way with the few exes I have. I started to truly even dislike them and be very unattracted to them at a certain point. It was consistent enough within my relationships I felt like it was definitely something wrong with me. I can honestly say I have never felt this way with my husband. He is the only man I’m attracted to and have never lost attraction to, even in our somewhat lower moments. I truly believe that in the past, I did not love the men I was with and they certainly were no where the man my husband is. I think when you find the right person you will know.

ChamomileMist · 2024-04-25T14:47:10+00:00

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Shining_thru · 2024-04-25T22:00:11+00:00

I see this going two ways, either you are out of touch with your needs that are not physical/sexual and therefore chase men that only satisfy those parts of yourself so that when you get physically bored of them, there is nothing left

Or, you choose the right men, but reach a point where the initial momentum of the relationship stops carrying you forward, and you do not know how to put in the work to build a life with someone, so you do not try.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-25T11:14:28+00:00

Title: Can’t go past the honeymoon phase

Author peanutbutterandjam28

Full text: Hi beautiful women, here to ask for your advice and perspective. I am a 30yo girl and have been on multiple 2+ years relationships, but around the one year mark I have always started to feel an unbearable restlessness.

I feel like I am mourning the honeymoon part of the relationship, which is extremely joyous for me, during that phase I feel like I can show up as myself authentically and freely, and I feel seen. I am over aware of the sexual connection fading after the one year mark, and I feel like I start sabotaging my relationships, projecting on the other my own dissatisfaction because I feel like a horrible person for feeling this myself. At this point I lose the feeling of “being seen” and it all starts deteriorating from there.

I have been in therapy for over a year and I am working on this, but I feel lost and wonder if this is just how I’m built and there’s no hope for a fulfilling long term relationship for me.

Anyone that was in a similar situation and overcame it, or that has any advice to share?

Thank you 🙏🥹

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Luscious-Grass · 2024-04-26T01:15:44+00:00

Sorry, but I cringed when you referred to yourself as a 30 year old “girl.” Made me suspect that you likely have unrealistic expectations about relationship roles - long term relationships are not about being catered to in an unbalanced way as you might be experiencing in the honey moon phases.

Title	Can’t go past the honeymoon phase
Author	peanutbutterandjam28
Upvotes	22
Comments	26
Date	April 25, 2024 11:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ccpanc/cant_go_past_the_honeymoon_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/cant-go-past-the-honeymoon-phase.1516345 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516345

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