Anger Management

Passerby6 · 2016-06-26T00:49:41+00:00

In all seriousness though, it sounds like you resent him, or you aren't happy with yourself and it's affecting your sex drive. You should not be passive aggressive, you need to talk about what it is bothering you instead of letting it manifest. It's unfair to him.

The lack of trust is ruining your relationship. Is this an issue within yourself or with him?

rproller · 2016-06-25T20:15:37+00:00

I'm not a therapist, so take my words with a grain of salt.

I go to bed happy and wake up angry.

Seems to me like you have a lot of unresolved simmering just below the surface. I would do some serious self-reflection on whether the problem is him, or if you have personal problems that you're taking out on him.

It sounds really dumb, but for heaven's sake don't go looking for reasons to be mad at him, either! Chances are, you do things that drive him crazy too.

And as hard as it is to put into practice, when you feel the rage building, just STFU until you're not feeling angry anymore.

JackGetsIt · 2016-06-25T20:21:01+00:00

would you suggest I read them even if it is for men

I don't think the rp anger posts will help you.

When I speak to my dad

I wouldn't go to you dad for help, or your boyfriend, or 'party female friends.' Talk with yourself, talk with old friends that know you best, and talk with RP men and women.

it ended up hitting him in a wrong way (because it was like I didn't care about it)

Turning a guy down for sex that you are in the process of blowing is not cool. How would you feel if he revved up you engines and then left you hanging? This is passive aggressiveness. It's not a good sign.

Some more information would be helpful. Are you living in impoverished conditions or have you and you boyfriend had a setback in living standards? Has he shown weaknesses?

Without much more info I'm just going to venture a guess that you think you deserve better then the guy you're with. Your anger seems to me like bottled resentment. I'm assuming that because you didn't mention work stress, or other things besides your boyfriend that the anger is related to him and the relationship.

I realized I have anger problems that stem from childhood

Did you have a strong father figure during childhood or is your dad in your life more now as an adult?

redpillnobody · 2016-06-25T20:47:27+00:00

Interesting stuff. I have this in my clipboard from recommending it to someone else for a different reason, but you might want to take a look at the free CBT program that the Australian National University has available here: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

MsSadieDunham · 2016-06-25T20:56:40+00:00

Typically if I find myself in a mood for no reason, I just stay quiet and keep my mouth shut so I don't freak out on my husband. However perhaps you should invest real time and money in seeing a doctor and getting this straightened out. It sounds like you don't operate the same way the majority does, maybe professional help is what you really need.

Your boyfriend is not a doctor, I'm assuming and even if he isn't he can't/shouldn't be treating or diagnosing you. I'm willing to bet he doesn't have any background to offer you advice on how to deal with this. If your father has the same problems that's probably a big hint that it is more than just normal hormone changes.

Equilibriun · 2016-06-26T09:56:45+00:00

You would never understand the anger in TRP. You treat your boyfriend like trash, and he stews on it. Then the shit goes past a line and he says enough, argument ensued.

If you are as poor as you say you are you won't have access to a shrink. I could be wrong. But my point is the next best thing is your local religious institutions. Go and ask where you can get the help you need.

Take it from a person who understands what third world country means. Being there sucks. You are angry because you feel like you can't escape. My cousins were the same. Their parents held them back, for the sake of "family" don't take opportunity away from us. It was stupid.

You are expecting things from people that can't deliver. Accept it and move on.

On the rage - rage is like alcohol. Admit you have it before you can deal with it. Being angry is one thing. Talking shit and treating people like trash is rage. Rage stems from fear. Fear stems from not accepting reality. Exploding is rage not anger.

Neurons that fire together wire together. That means the more you stay raging, the more that will be your default state. So if it's 60% rage 40% just OK, your going to keep getting worse unless you become really aware of your internal dialogue. Funny thing about rage, your brain literally turns off. So you have to be aware of things that can trigger reactions. Like arguing. You can see the circle that you've gone in enough to break it before you make the first lap.

Last bit. When a guy tells you you can't make him happy and he's going to go find other women, it means he's not your SO. Learn to respect yourself. It will help with the anger.

Mentathiel · 2016-06-26T10:50:22+00:00

I don't know the nature of your problems, but this reeks suspiciously much of something more physical. Anger management problems, to my knowledge (which isn't some sort of expertise, but still), come from short temper and inability to contain your emotions in the face of things that phase you. But I am very familiar with the feeling you're describing, with going the entire day while being extremely angry and negative and just wishing that nobody spoke to me, because I lash out and I know I'm not in the right to do so, but I can't contain myself. And that happens to me when I'm very hormonal. I could count the days like that on finger of one hand and I attributed it to my cycle and physical development and have learned to warn people outright and avoid contact in such situations.

But alas, I'm going off a tangent here. My point is that you should probably check your sex hormones (especially if there's other irregularities with your cycle) and your thyroid gland, just to make sure. Perhaps this is entirely psychological and I'm downplaying the influence of whatever happened to you, but I think you'd be better safe than sorry. EDIT: Also, check for bipolar.

Other than that, I agree with your dad that you require some form of therapy. If your SO isn't open to it, don't drag him into it, you can always go to counseling and it will probably do you more good in addressing the underlying problems which cause this.

Jpost001 · 2016-06-26T18:50:03+00:00

Of course you are going to have a hard time dealing. It took me YEARS to get where I am with dealing with my anger issues (from having an abusive mother, past sexual abuse, depression, and also being quite different from most people I meet and not knowing how to deal with that at times) and I'm still working on it every day. It's probably going to be a lifelong journey. I'm not the same person I was 10 year ago. A few years ago. Even a year ago. Yeah you are responsible for yourself but he can't expect you to change overnight. Telling you to 'get over it' is unfair of him. You are a person. You have feelings that aren't just going to go away when he snaps his fingers. They may not make sense to him but they are what they are. You are at least trying to deal with and overcome them. Going to therapy, getting tested for depression, and also making sure there are no hormonal issues is a good start. If you can't afford therapy are there any free mental health clinics where you live?

It sounds to me like your SO doesn't really see you as someone he wants to be in a committed relationship with. I wouldn't even being call him a SO if I were you. What what you've said it seems like he is seeing you as something to play around with. Not someone who he truly respects and wants to build a life with. I'm not even sure if respecting women is possible for him right now and that is something he'll have to learn to do on his own, if ever. If he respected you then he would realize that you getting over your issues is going to take time and that you can't be happy happy oh sweet girly girl with smiles and bjs and sex all the time. You are a human being and like all human beings you have faults. You will make mistakes and do things that may hurt him even without realizing you are doing so and so will he. This is human nature. Everyone thinks differently and being in a relationship takes work (this applies for same sex relationships as well. Being the same gender does not automatically mean you will understand each other lol. It's funny when some people think so). Work as hard as we can on self improvement and try as hard as we can we will never be able to please each other all the time. This is unrealistic. The best we can do in such situations is learn how to let the little things go and forgive each other our misunderstandings and miscommunication because believe me they WILL happen no matter how stable a relationship is and how well developed both partners are. But if it's clearly not working out and you are both unhappy then I don't think anybody online can help you. I could tell you what I would do but that is me. This is a decision you two need to make on your own. You are BOTH responsible and it's unfair of all the blame to be put on one person.

I don't think going to male RP forums is going to help you right now because you will just see a lot of anger and words that may fuel your own anger even more or worsen your self confidence. Not saying that you should be naive and deny your own shortcomings or that people should sugar coat thing for you but if you are sensitive some of their words can be really mean. Some of them ARE really hateful (i.e talking about wanting to be violent to women or that women are worthless, soulless creatures that are incapable of love and compassion and so forth...) and if you go there without a deeper understanding of where this hate comes from and not take it all personally it can really effect you in a bad way. If you try and talk to them many will just blame you for everything. Even if your bf is being unfair as well and doing hurtful things to you in their eyes that is still your fault because... women. Now a clear headed and logical RP guy won't think this way but when they are in the anger stage thinking clearly isn't exactly their strong suit. They are letting their feelings of hurt and resentment control them and as a woman you represent the cause of their pain. Therefore you are the enemy. Nothing you can do or say will change it. They have to come out of it themselves and some of them never will. And if anyone you do talk to tells you it's all your fault (or all his fault) when they don't even know the whole story that is pretty biased of them. I've read enough to clearly see that it's not one sided. First of all they are denying that he can have any faults himself or be doing anything to hurt you and second they are deflecting their own personal anger onto you. That isn't very cool.

Title	Anger Management
Author	Spenklover
Upvotes	2
Comments	23
Date	June 25, 2016 7:45 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4pu1sa/anger_management/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anger-management.86244 https://theredarchive.com/post/86244

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