Retroactive Jealousy

LuckyLittleStar · 2019-11-05T07:08:18+00:00

You need to give more details and follow the posting rules in order to post. As it is, your problem is not clear.

NotNecessarilyNamed · 2019-11-04T23:15:15+00:00

I may be wrong about this situation, and keep in mind I am not a woman, and I don’t know the full details, but this is my best guess. Think of it like this you and his ex are a car, and he is a driver (purely for analogies sake, you are people ofc). He takes you and his ex to the same places because that’s where he likes to go. He decided to get rid of his old car (his ex), and now he takes you to the same places, not necessarily because these places are special for his relationship between him and his old car, but because these places are special to him. It may even be possible that he doesn’t even think about his ex when he’s there. These may be places he just feels comfortable in. Case in point: Every time I go out to watch a movie, I take different friends each time. I promise you that every single time I’m concentrating on the experience at hand and not reminiscing of the other times. If you want some variety, maybe drop a few hints, like: “man, I really want to go bowling for some reason.” If that doesn’t work, it probably wouldn’t hurt just to straight up talk about it, just keep in mind that if you tell him you don’t want to go to those places anymore (that his ex has been too) he may get offended if those are his places of comfort.

ManguZa · 2019-11-04T23:02:56+00:00

Don't talk with him until you know the true reason behind your jealousy. Search in yourself.

vintagegirlgame · 2019-11-04T23:28:44+00:00

It def doesn’t help to be on certain parts of your cycle when these thoughts pop up. If you’re tracking your fertility cycles, you can notice there are parts where you get more emotional (usually before or during mensuration), and other parts where you’re able to just brush off the same thoughts with no worries (usually around ovulation). It’s hard to separate ourselves from these hormonal influences on our emotions in the moment. Even when I know I’m about to get my period and I know that causes me to be emotional, I still have a hard time seeing the forest for the trees when I’m crying inexplicably about some little thing that usually doesn’t bother me but right now it’s a BIG DEAL. Then the next day I start bleeding and the hormones change and it’s like I can see clearly again. Just be gentle with yourself and don’t get into a thought spiral when you’re more sensitive. Revisit the situation in a week and see if you feel different about it.

silentGinLasagna · 2019-11-04T23:46:46+00:00

Talk to him open up, you guys have been together for a while and if I was him id want to know if there was something bugging you, id want you to open up. Also he may be taking you out and doing similar things as he did with his ex but hes probably just showing you a good time. You could take him out on a date experience something new and ask him. Best of luck.

Pola_Lita · 2019-11-05T00:29:21+00:00

I'd wait until I was feeling less vulnerable/emotional but I'd definitely talk to him. He may not even be aware that that's what he's doing.

shockedpikachu123 · 2019-11-05T00:53:55+00:00

Okay, I completely understand how you feel but you didn’t say why you made you start feeling this way. Is he comparing you to his ex? Directly or indirectly? Has he made comments about how he misses her? Or are you just in your head creating scenarios?

If it’s the first, move on. If it’s the latter, we have something to work with. Just remember he’s with you for a reason right? If he wanted to be with her, they wouldn’t have broken up. Continuing to focus on the negative will just create negative situations.

nikonm · 2019-11-05T01:15:53+00:00

I guess its feeling like his friends are comparing me too

organicsunshine · 2019-11-05T02:44:07+00:00

People are habitual and find comfort in routine. If it bothers you, make plans unique to you as a couple and build on it.

rammerplex · 2019-11-05T04:00:15+00:00

Just pick out new places to eat and have events. Be proactive and avoid the things that bother you. He probably doesn't even know about your concern. Gently push your relationship into your comfort zone.

Azihayya · 2019-11-04T22:42:15+00:00

It's definitely better to talk your feelings out--the question is if you feel like you can bring this up and if he'll be able to understand you. If you feel like you can talk about this, then do it. But if you can't, then you should be looking for the deeper roots to the communication schism going on between you two.

Title	Retroactive Jealousy
Author	nikonm
Upvotes	29
Comments	19
Date	November 4, 2019 10:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/drph0s/retroactive_jealousy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/retroactive-jealousy.294015 https://theredarchive.com/post/294015

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