Housewives (and aspiring housewives), were your parents supportive of your decision?

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-11-20T06:14:57+00:00

[removed]

frogswife · 2020-11-20T11:21:01+00:00

There's a lot of bad advice here.

There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM. My parents were supportive of me being one after I got a higher education. It was my mother who said that if I had children, and God forbid something happened to my husband, I had better have a way to support my kids financially.I became a librarian and worked in my career for 5 years before having my first child and becoming a SAHM. We have a joint account, but I have a private savings account. The bills are in his name, mortgage is both of ours. The idea of me demanding he hand over 50% of his pay cheque to deposit into my private account is laughable. Good luck finding a man who will happily do that - if you're THAT concerned about "your money" then just work. Make your own. If you're that untrusting of the lasting power of your relationship or the fidelity of your spouse, then don't get married.

It's hilarious that these women think they can just demand half of a pay cheque they didn't work for based off the assumption that they'll need the money when they divorce. You literally can't be more of an entitled bitter feminist lol . And good luck finding a quality man who will agree to that

Anyway! You're 19, and still in school. I was married at 21, but had finished my college education by then and have been married for 13 years. Before you're worried about being a SAHM, finish your education, get your job and don't waste time on men who can't support you (if you want to be a SAHM) and seriously, don't demand he give you half his pay into a private account. 😅

LouiseConnor · 2020-11-20T23:26:53+00:00

All our parents and grandparents were not too keen on me quitting school, getting married, and being a stay at home wife. That is our four parents, two step parents, and a lot of grandparents.

We just said, thank you, we have faith in God and a smart plan, and zipped the lip. It takes time for some people to see the value and stop thinking it’s about them.

LocalReligionMajor · 2020-11-20T05:03:16+00:00

First of all, I don't think they should have said that SAHMs are "lazy" or "doing nothing." That is hurtful and disrespectful of the hard work that goes into raising children and cultivating a loving home.

However, it's not super clear from your post, but are you married or have kids? Or are you making the decision to look for a man who can support a housewife? Are you arguing that because you are going to be a SAHM you don't need to make money now?

I imagine your parents might be concerned if they think your desire to be a housewife is going to compromise your ability to vet a man. I know my parents were hesitant to support my plan to be a housewife while I was single or dating, but now that I'm actually engaged, they are very supportive. They just didn't want me rushing into a marriage because I didn't want to be in the workforce.

I also suspect your Mom might be sensitive about you wanting to be a SAHM because she might feel you are implying she made the wrong choice by working outside the home. I would try to be careful about that when talking to her.

transdermalcelebrity · 2020-11-20T15:56:46+00:00

This is where you learn to stand on your own. When I first started both my parents and my MIL both talked to my husband and I as if they didn’t believe that we could do this (financially or otherwise). Everyone assumed I was going back to work after my daughter turned 1. Daughter is now a teen, we’ve done great with planning. But while we never had direct confrontations like what you describe, what we got instead was a profound lack of faith and emotional support. A bit of a Cold War.

My mother keeps bugging me to tell her how much of a mortgage we have on our house and how much my husband makes. She makes dismissive noises when I tell her we are fine. Early on, my insane mother in law tried to subvert my right to parent my then 1 year old, insisting that she would do it (she lives in another state and I wouldn’t trust her to care for a snail). She tried to set up several situations to get between me and my spouse but fortunately my husband really out his foot down with her. Even the extended family (aunts, uncle, cousins) treat us like we are a weird breed, treat me like I’m not smart (I’m more degreed than most of them and had a high income global career before this), and one of them who is in a professional field ( she’s 10 years younger than me) keeps trying to parent and groom my child to be a lifelong career gal (really annoying my kid who has already been aiming for an aerospace career but with intentions of eventually stopping to be an at home mom). The family just gushes over this cousin while treating us like the black sheep (note: there used to be grandparents who always supported us joyfully but after they died the younger generations were much colder).

So you learn that you don’t need that kind of negativity, that you and your spouse and your kids can build something that’s right for you. It’s ok to have a high learning curve, doing this with little familial or societal support is hard. In a lot of ways I had to break new ground for the family.

I would just stop discussing it with your parents and plug forward. It’s one of those “The only way to win is not to play” -kind of things. If they try to bring it up, just say “I already know your opinion on the matter and I’m not discussing it further.” If they persist, you leave the area. If they want to mess up their relationship with you over a life choice, then you have to let them and hope they come to their senses with time. Boundaries. As long as you and your spouse are able to support yourselves and you are not asking your parents to pay for you, then your life choice is none of their business.

ILoveCuteKitties · 2020-11-20T16:59:20+00:00

It’s a good thing parents have zero say in what you do once you leave the house. But seriously, have a marketable skill to start with. It doesn’t sound like you’re in a serious relationship. You’re very young. Only pursue men who have a lot of potential. Don’t live naively. Things can fall apart (job loss, death, infidelity) and you better have a back up plan. Also, what are you going to do with yourself when your kids are grown? This might not be in total step with red pill but you may be bored to tears with empty nest if you’re a housewife your entire life.

2020-11-21T03:02:26+00:00

I'm in somewhat of a similar position (24F), so let me give you my perspective (not an expert).

I realized a couple years ago that if I wanted to put my family first, then that would mean I would be a stay at home mom, or only work 40% or less until my kids are school aged depending on my fiancé and I's situation when that rolls around. I knew my family, who incredibly values education and being a 'strong independent woman' would not be supportive of this choice. I'm a teacher, and I currently have 2.5 years or so under my belt. I do not regret getting my degree one bit, it's just that I have a greater goal in mind.

My advice to you? This isn't a black and white issue. You CAN finish school, have somewhat of a career, AND end up putting it on pause to raise a family. You don't have to automatically drop out of school, and I really don't suggest you do that unless you have a very unclear career path. Plus, having some life skills, including starting a career, might make you attractive to a potential first mate, just don't make it your ONLY thing or your most important thing. My fiance was impressed by what I had done so far in my career when we met, and even happier that I would put it on the back burner for more important things.

As far as parents go, one night my mother was putting down a stay at home mom (who, like me, has an education degree but chooses to support her young children before they hit school age), and I defended the SAHM. I confessed to my mother what my future ambitions were. It's been 9 months and she still will not let it go, and has been bleakly opposed to me even stepping back from my career part time, or becoming a SAHM full time for 10 or so years as I would like.

What I encourage you to do is to work on healthy boundaries. Discuss the topic as much as your parents will with you respectfully, but don't think you will change their minds. If they become aggressive/ unfair, put that boundary in place and continue on your own path.

Diamond-Breath · 2020-11-20T13:00:41+00:00

My mom supports me and my father was unsure until he met my boyfriend.

2020-11-20T20:11:48+00:00

We need more background. Are you single? In a relationship? Married? If you're single and declaring to your parents you want to be a stay-at-home-mom, I can't really blame them for not having a good reaction. In today's world you can't just expect a man to come swipe you off your feet, you can hope for it of course but it's prudent to have a plan B. You should strive to have the capability to support yourself, otherwise you might settle and fall into a bad relationship. Once you're married and thinking about having kids is when you can explore the possibility of being a SAHM.

Attempt_Historical · 2020-12-07T20:28:54+00:00

IcarusKiki · 2020-11-20T13:55:52+00:00

I don’t think anyone should aspire to be a stay at home wife/mom. That’s usually setting yourself up for disappointment. But they should learn domestic skills in case they end up one. There’s a lot in between housewife and ceo career workaholic woman. I personally would love to be a stay at home mom but only if my future husband is alright with it and I also have a career I love to back it up for now.

Title	Housewives (and aspiring housewives), were your parents supportive of your decision?
Author	sachiko468
Upvotes	42
Comments	20
Date	November 20, 2020 4:24 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jxigdf/housewives_and_aspiring_housewives_were_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/housewives-and-aspiring-housewives-were-your.333225 https://theredarchive.com/post/333225

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