This is a draft of a section of a book I am working on. I would appreciate the feedback. A big problem I am having is that I think parts of the book are too long and ramble-y, so if you have any ideas of things I can cut out, I would appreciate that. I also would appreciate more examples and stories.

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A key aspect of sexual attraction is making women feel like you are “maybe” about them. Ross Jeffries, one of the earliest pick-up artists, famously said: “Women want a question mark.” This means that women should never feel like you are 100% “yes” about them, but they also should not feel like you are 100% “no.” Instead, women should always feel like you are somewhere in the middle (preferably somewhere around 50%), and they need to do a little more work to push you to 100%. As the dating coach Todd V said, women should always feel like you are “interested, but not yet sold.” You must project the feeling of “maybe” even if, in your mind, you are madly in love with a woman and want nothing more than to eat Cheerios out of her asshole.

Like everything in this book, “maybe” is a feeling, and the feeling can best be described as: “Things are going good now, but this guy has lots of options, and if I stop stacking up, his attention will inevitably drift away to his other options.” This emotion should be familiar to you because it is probably how you feel when you are around super hot girls you like. She seems like she might be into you, but you are not sure, so you feel the need to do more stuff to make her like you. That is how women should feel about you.

But isn’t acting like you are “maybe” when you are ready to eat a girl’s ass lying and manipulative? Not really. You should not “pretend” to be maybe. No matter how hot or awesome you think a girl is, your attitude should actually be “maybe” about her because there is always something she can do to fuck it up: she can shit her pants, go on a racist rant in a public place, tell you she has AIDs, show you her penis, beat up your grandmother, etc. Those are extreme examples, but the point is that no woman is ever entitled to a permanent and unconditional commitment from you, so by pretending like you have a made a permanent and unconditional commitment, she is forced to conclude in her subconscious brain that you are either a liar or a complete doormat. Or worse, both.

To project the feeling of “maybe” you must do 2 main things: 1) Never say or do anything that indicates that you have made a permanent or unconditional commitment to her, and 2) Do all the other things in this chapter that make you a challenge. When a woman feels like you are 100% committed to getting her, or that you will work for her validation no matter what she does, you are no longer a challenge. You are conquered, you will be available whenever she wants, and more importantly, she will feel like you are probably overly emotional invested and would become an annoying pimple on her taint, pressuring her, making her feel guilty, acting psycho, sleeping in her bushes, and so forth.

It may sound crazy for a woman to equate a man saying “I really like you” or “I can’t wait for our next date” to sleeping in her bushes, but as I will explain later, women evolved to assume that men evolved to be relentless about whatever they want, so whenever you make a woman feel like you are 100% locked in, she will want to run for the hills, even if she was attracted to you and starting to emotionally invest in you. Women are extremely sensitive to pressure from men, and a 100% locked in man feels like a runaway train is coming at her and there is nothing she can do to make it stop, which is terrifying.

Women want to be the pursuer, not the pursued, but when you are locked in, they inevitably feel like you are the pursuer because you will do whatever it takes to get her, no matter what she does or does not do. Women should feel like they can control the chase and get off the ride whenever they want, and they can do this by working or not working for your validation. If she wants a break from you, she can stop doing things for you and you will ignore her. And when she wants your attention again, she can start doing things for you again. But if a woman feels like you are 100% locked in, there is an overwhelming pressure because she feels like she can never get off the ride or get a break from you.

Once women feel like they have the freedom to get on and off the ride whenever they want, chasing you becomes more fun and they will want to chase you more. Think about it: no matter how fun your favorite video game is, you will not want to play it all the time and you definitely will not want to play it whenever the game wanted you to play it. You would want to play when YOU WANT to play. That is how women feel in relationships.

I learned the importance of “maybe” early in my journey of learning game. When I first started going out to bars and clubs, I quickly got to the point where I could approach a woman, get her number, get her on a date, and then have (what I thought was) a good date. But when I invited women for a second date they would either turn me down or not respond at all. I was confused as to what I was doing wrong, so I asked a friend of mine who was good with women.

His first question was: “How do the dates end?” I told him that I would tell the girls I had a lot of fun and was looking forward to the next date. My friend then gave me some good advice: He told me to always end the date first and with a note of ambiguity as to whether I was interested in seeing them again - even if we have sex. I should be careful to not let women feel like I am rejecting them outright, but I should also not let them to think they are guaranteed a second date. I should just say something like “Hey, that was a lot of fun,” and leave it there. When I invite them out for another date, it comes as a pleasant surprise.

I thought about my friend’s advice and realized that on all my failed first dates, I had said or done something that indicated that I was 100% committed to a second date. To make matters even worse, the women also ended the dates first, which meant that, as far as they could tell, I would let the date go on forever if I could. In other words, I was not a challenge. I took my friend’s advice and made one small adjustment to my behavior: I start ending the dates first and with the feeling of “maybe” as to whether there would be a second date. I showed some positivity (“That was a really interesting conversation!”) but I would not explicitly mention a second date. I did nothing else differently from before. After making this small change, the problem completely disappeared. From then on, almost all my first dates led to sex or a second date. 

One of the most important things I tell my clients is that they must clear their mind of useless, negative, counterproductive thoughts when hanging out with women. When around women, you should live in the moment and only focus on what is fun right now, what is the next fun thing you will do, and who or what deserves your attention. You should not be thinking about yourself, your insecurities and weaknesses, how you stack up against other guys, whether the girl likes you or not, what you need to do to make her like you, and so forth.

There is, however, one main exception to this rule: You should always keep in mind that you must stay in the zone of “maybe,” because it is very easy to fall into the trap of doing or saying something that indicates you are 100% yes about her, especially if she is hot and you like her. In fact, one of the most common shit tests that women pull is trying to get you to say or do something that indicates you are 100% yes, and if you are not careful, you can easily fall for it.

You must be maybe at every point in your relationship with the woman, from the moment you meet the woman onwards, no matter what happens. Even if you bring a woman back to your apartment, you should still act like you are “maybe” about whether you want to make out with her. When you are making out on your couch, you should still project “maybe” as to whether you want to escalate to sex. If she tells you she wants to have sex with you, you should still be maybe and respond by saying something non-commital like “We’ll see.” Even after you have sex, she should feel you are “maybe” about having sex with her again. And so forth.

Obviously, any rational person knows that if a man invites a woman back to his place, he wants to smash. Doesn’t matter. You must still project the feeling of “maybe” because, even though a woman may know in her rational brain that you want to fuck her, if she feels like you want sex no matter what she says or does, the pressure becomes overwhelming. Again, women need to feel like they can get off the ride at any time, even if they are naked in your bed.

This, by the way, is why you should never outright tell a girl you want to take her on a date, fuck her, or have a committed relationship until she makes clear that she has emotionally invested enough in you to want the same thing. You can make jokes, double entendres, and suggestive statements, but you should never make clear that you are 100% committed to escalating because of that pressure factor. As I will explain later, women are extremely sensitive to pressure in a way that men are not and a man on a relentless mission for their pussy is terrifying.

You should also project “maybe” when you first approach women. The message to send when approaching is “Something about you caught my eye so I wanted to come compliment you, but if you do not keep working for my validation I will move on.” Women love being approached because they love attention, but what they DO NOT like is the feeling that the man will hang around all night after the approach no matter what they say or do. Guys usually think women reject men’s approach because they are unattractive, but that is usually not the case – women still like attention from ugly guys. The main reason women dole out harsh rejections is because the man did something with his words or body language to indicate he is 100% locked in and will not leave no matter what (which, by the way, is something most guys do, especially ugly guys).

To project the feeling of maybe on an approach, you must make the woman feel like you were on your way to do something else, and approaching her is just a pit stop. You can even say something like “I have to go meet my friends, but I had to stop to tell you how amazing you are.” You can also indicate with your body language that you are ready to walk away if she stops being interesting, funny, friendly, etc. Sometimes when I approach a woman I will slowly keep walking to make her feel like I might walk away at any moment. You can also project “maybe” with your body language and words: for example, sometimes after I approach a woman I give the woman a look that says “Ok, you’re hot, but what else do you have?”

Some pick-up artists have advocated “negging” on first approach. A “neg” is a compliment coupled with a mildly critical statement like “Your hair looks great, is it a wig?” or “That's a nice dress. My little sister has one just like it.” These guys sometimes claim that negging builds attraction because it lowers the woman’s self-esteem, making her more “vulnerable” to mens’ advances.

That’s bullshit. Negative comments from random guys do not “lower womens’ self-esteem” and even if they did, why would a woman be attracted to a random douchebag who just insulted her and lowered her self-esteem? Most guys completely misunderstand how negging works and their “negs” come off as autistic, mean, insulting, weird, socially unaware, fake, and a signal of insecurity, and usually cause the woman to reject them. I have seen guys say amazingly stupid and insulting things to women, like calling a super hot girl a 6, making fun of womens’ clothes and make-up, saying they are a bad kisser right after they kiss, and so forth. Shit like this almost always backfires, especially now that most women know what negs are.

To the extent a “neg” works, it is only because it sends the message that the guy is a challenge. A well-placed, playful, respectful, challenging remark indicates that you will compliment her when she deserves it, but at the same time, you will not be a wet rag that feeds her fake compliments or kisses her ass no matter what she says or does. By sprinkling in a mild (but true) criticism, you shows you have standards, you will be honest with her, and your compliments are real because your criticisms are real.

You can look like a challenge without sounding catty like a mean girl from an 80s teen movie. For example, when I approach women, instead of saying something negative right away, I usually wait for the girl to say something I can make fun of, and then I tease her for it in a lighthearted, playful way. For example, sometimes when I compliment girls, they will say “And I’m funny/interesting/smart too” and I respond by saying “I’ll be the judge of that.” If the girl says something stupid like “I used to be a bitch,” I might say “Used to?” The goal is to light up the part of her brain that wants a challenge without coming off as rude or insulting.  

You should also project “maybe” when texting. Whenever you send a woman a text message, you should think of what the 100% yes thing to say is, the 100% no, and the “maybe” thing, and then you say the maybe thing. For example, if she texts you “I had a lot of fun last night” after a date, you have some options:

Too positive of an answer: “Oh my god it was so amazing! I can’t wait till we hang out again.”

Too negative of an answer: “Yeah it was fine I guess.”

Maybe Answer: “Yeah, it was hilarious when [some thing that happened on the date].”

On the surface, these three messages might not seem very different, but they elicit extremely different reactions in the woman’s mind. The 100% yes answer puts pressure on her and kills the challenge, the 100% no answer makes her feel like you are cold and uninterested, and the maybe activates that part of her brain that loves a challenge.

(By the way, if a girl stops texting you back, you can often get her responding again just by texting three dots like this: “. . .” I have tried this many times and it works, probably because it creates a feeling of maybe. This is just an example to show you the power of maybe - I do not recommend chasing girls that are not texting you back).

To stay in the magical zone of “maybe” you need emotional intelligence, the ability to read people, and a sense of what is and is not appropriate in the situation. These things only come with practice. Ultimately, what you should do in any particular situation depends on your personality, your history with the woman, the vibes, the context, the culture you are in, and other variables. For example, how you act “maybe” with your long term girlfriend will be very different with how you act “maybe” with a flaky girl you just met.

You may need to adjust your behavior if you were too positive or negative in the past. For example, if you have been teasing and making fun of her all night, at some point you should give her a warm compliment so she does not feel like you are too close to being 100% “no” about her. On the other hand, if you have been telling her how amazing she is all night, you may want to throw a tease in there so she does not feel like you are 100% yes. As another example, if a woman implies she wants to have sex, you should act “maybe” but not do anything that makes her feel like you are not attracted to her or that you do not want to have sex with her.

Because maybe is such a situation-specific thing, I cannot give you a simple script of things to say. But here are some examples I have used in the past:

Me: “Are you going to the music festival this weekend?”

Her: “Yes”

Me: “Cool, maybe I will see you.”

Her: “You better!”

Her: “Do you like me?”

Me: “So far so good, but let’s see how you do.” (If you want to be less spicy, you can say “but we’ll see where this goes.” If you want to be more spicy, you can say “I hope you don’t mess this up”)

Her: “I don’t know if we should have sex.”

Me: “Ok.” (A flat “ok” is often the most “maybe” thing you can do because it leaves her wondering what you are thinking).

In these examples I am showing interest but not 100% committing to her. She still feels like there is a “challenge” to be overcome for her to get to 100%.

One final point: The idea of “maybe” is hard for most men to wrap their heads around because the conventional wisdom is that women want permanent, unconditional commitment from men. In the Disney movies, the women live happily ever after with Prince Charming. Isn’t that what women want? The answer is complicated. In their conscious, rational mind, women often think they want an unconditional commitment from the man, but in their subconscious mind they want the feeling of maybe. In a successful long-term relationships and marriage, therefore, on a conscious level the woman thinks her husband has committed to her, but on a subconscious level she feels like he might leave if she does not act right.

For all womens’ yapping about commitment, the reality is that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Women also end most unmarried romantic relationships. If you really think about it, therefore, women are the ones that have trouble committing. If a woman will end a relationship because the man becomes unattractive or because he stops providing her what she wants, why shouldn’t you? You should also think about this: the reason that women keep complaining men not committing is because THEY ARE WITH MEN WHO DO NOT COMMIT. There are obviously plenty of men that want to make permanent, unconditional commitments to women, but women are not with those men, which is why they complain about men being noncommittal.

My site: woujo.com