My family has big communication issues. No one can state an opinion, no one can say that they want someone to do something, and no one can make a statement that can be criticized. This led to me getting crazy mad around my nephews and nieces as I'd ask questions like "Whose glass is this?" and "How about we get some McNuggets for lunch?" and either get flat-out ignored or get refused by some kid who has no interest in negotiating or discussing a compromise.
I realized, along with No Mr Nice Guy going into detail about Covert Contracts, that none of these questions should actually be questions. I was internally trying to say "Whoevers glass this is, take it to the kitchen" and "I want to eat McNuggets for lunch". What was coming out of my mouth was not communicating what I was meaning to say.
People who do this do not realize that they are not being honest. If your goal is to eat a burger for lunch, asking someone "What do you think about going out for lunch to a burger place" is a really bad way to get that done.
So I did an experiment. I went a week attempting to never ask a question. It was glorious and my frustration went to zero. "Shirley, pick up that puzzle", "Doug, let's hit up Walmart while we're out", "I want chinese food either Friday or Saturday, you pick what night" were all met with agreement and I got exactly what I wanted.
I never asked anyone if they wanted something.. Because people don't know what they want 90% of the time, they don't care what they are doing 90% of the time, and they will be happy doing anything that a leader wants them to do 90% of the time. Hence the second tip, always assume yes.
Let people turn you down. Force them to make you do something that you don't want to do. Your option in life is to "Ask what they want and probably not get what you want", "Ask if they want to do what you want and possibly get what you want", "Tell them what you two will be doing and have them go along with it 90% of the time".
Why does this work in relationships? Girls want a leader and they are crazily worried of any rejection. They are not used to not getting what they want, they are paranoid that you will refuse them, so they are unwilling to answer questions like "Where do you want to eat", "What should we do tonight", or "Which of these three movies do you want to see". Anything you would ask which might result in you saying "No" to their answer, they don't want to answer.
So never ask a question. Always assume any answer to questions you would ask is "Yes". Live your life as if everyone is automatically saying "Yes" to you.
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