Foreword

I've decided that instead of making an entirely new “dating site” guide, I’ll make a new series based off of the original article instead.

Thank you all for your continued support.

“The Red Piller’s Guide to Online Dating": Over-Investment

“In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.” – u/Rollo-Tomassi & u/Illimitableman

From this quote we can determine that a portrayal of over-investment, a common mistake made amongst men who hunt on dating sites, stems from a Local Sexy Single Woman (“LSSW”) perceiving their approach as need-driven, desperate or highly-dependent on the results of said conversation, be it for sex, reaffirmation of SMV, etc.

LSSW: the result of an endless supply of betas and alphas alike that’ll give up validation to women by the barrel-full just for the slim chance she might open her Pearly Gates™. She will then rationalize all of this new-found attention as deserved and raise her self-perceived SMV to unrealistically-high levels.

Over-investment: when a person holds a comparibly higher dependence on the ends or means of any exchange between two individuals.

Because the man's intention is clear (sex) and he don’t yet exist to the girl in question (compartmentalization of online validation vs. in-person validation), she sees no reason to bring him within her perception as the risk (in that he may be an “Alpha façade”, a dangerous invididual, be catfishing, etc.) doesn’t justify a reward that’s all too accessible for her (sex).

Men are primarily seen as validation resources on dating sites and are initially addressed as such.

In short, in order for her to sleep with a guy she met online, she first has to perceive that he could care less whether or not they end up together and, in some cases, whether or not they'll even meet.

She has to feel that he feels he can do better than her. That she may be a burden on you in some way. And, most importantly, that he isn’t invested in her any more than he is in the other LSSWs online.

You’ll have to convey a lot with very little because the more you attempt to convey to her, the more you “care” about her understanding you and your SMV and the more over-invested you inadvertently seem. A catch-22 of sorts. For example (for clarification, this is a made-up example):

[12:15 PM] RP: Hey

[2:13 PM] Her: Hey

[2:15 PM] Her: Wyd

[2:20 PM] RP: Benchpressing the Eiffel tower with one hand and eating cornflakes with the other. You?

[3:15 PM] Her: lol watchn tv

[3:25 PM] RP: So what’re you looking for on here?

[4:15 PM] Her: friends maybe more

[4:25 PM] RP: Yeah, same here.

[6:15 PM] Her: cool

[6:20 PM] RP: You should come and get drinks with me. 9:30 at Bubba’s.

[7:30 PM] Her: K

[7:35 PM] RP: So what’s your number?

[8:00 PM] Her: 800-IMA-LSSW

[7:35 PM] RP: Okay great.

At first glance, some of you may think this is a successful endeavor simply because the number was received, A&A was used and the date was set up fairly quickly. But I’m here to tell you that the likelihood of her flaking after this conversation is high and detail out why that is.

A&A with LSSWs

Had he met this girl in person beforehand, this form of A&A may have worked. But without any determinant of SMV beyond his profile, bios and pictures, his A&A may be misconstrued as overly-gamy. Use it sparingly until you’ve met in-person.

Making her laugh/A&A done in-person or after meeting in-person improves her perception of the guy’s SMV.

Timing/Baking

Also look at her responses and the time gap between them. As soon as she asked what he was doing, he immediately jumped to respond. While it may seem minor, this also portrays a sense of over-investment because it conveys they at the moment of her text he dropped whatever he was doing at the moment in order to respond. If she texts him at various times during the day and always gets a quick response, she’ll likely presume that either:

a) He has nothing better to do and so he has either has no life or does very little (which is why “nothing” is never a good answer to this question).

b) He is so invested into their conversation (or into the “ends” of the conversation’s “means” i.e. sex) that it out-prioritizes everything else he has going on.

This is why baking is important. Since perception is all she has to go on regarding determining your SMV, the truth behind whether you’re actually preoccupied is irrelevant. Spacing out your responses subtly hints that you’re as busy as the man your bio, pictures, etc. convey would be expected to be.

Baking: the process of leaving messages or text messages unanswered for long periods of time to invoke intrigue.

Would a high-valued man doing multiple, interesting things have the time to respond to every dating site message with the span of 15 minutes? Are dating sites really that important to him?

Investment v. Investment

Remember: “In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.”

This means that even in a digital setting you dial your investment 2 notches behind hers. Back to the example:

[3:25 PM] RP: So what’re you looking for on here?

(“On here” is unnecessary. If she’d asked “what do you mean?” it could be clarified further but here it’s redundant and obvious. “So” is also unnecessary. It’s a conflict-adverse reflect word (“word fodder”) men’ll use to ‘soften’ the tone of their messages, similar to how some guys’ll add ‘lol’ or ‘ :-) ’ before/after messages to make them less blunt, brash, harsh, cold or succinct.)

[4:15 PM] Her: friends maybe more

(No punctuation, no grammar, no capitalization. Her response is clearly of lower-investment. She wins.)

[4:25 PM] RP: Yeah, same here.

(Punctuation and capital letters used in response. “Yeah” and “here” are unnecessary. And while both levels of invest may be low, hers is lower. She wins.)

[6:15 PM] Her: cool

(Again, but now it’s down to one word. Even-lower investment in response.)

[6:20 PM] RP: You should come and get drinks with me. 9:30 at Bubba’s.

(Long reply in response. “You should” is unnecessary. “With me” is unnecessary. “And” is unnecessary. “Come get drinks” would’ve worked better. Either way, she wins.)

[7:30 PM] Her: K

(…you get the picture.)

Lesson Learned

Having her number and setting up a date doesn’t guarantee success. She has to first perceive that he could care less whether or not they end up together and, in some cases, whether or not they even meet.

From the original “The Red Piller’s Guide to Online Dating”:

”The goal of this section will be to get her number as effortlessly as possible ALL WHILE MAINTAINING YOUR FRAME."

"I stress this because getting a number is meaningless if the LSSW’s perception of you is beta or a validation resource. Until you’re standing right in front of her, perception is all you have - false or otherwise."

"She MUST perceive you as alpha all the way through for this to succeed or else you’ll all fall on your ass.”

P.S.- I did not know that guys could be "super-liked" on Tinder.