Back rubs

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-01-27T19:06:50+00:00

same as before,

I don't know, are you? stop running to daddy and take a breather and internalize.

Next time she says that her love language is back rubs, tell her with a grin that yours is blowjobs while you rest.

Look, if you hate doing something, dont do it. In this case, since YOU have established a pattern of behavior that YOU don't find appropriate and disrespects you, YOU need to ( slowly , because you are changing the rules) FIX IT.

cholomite · 2016-01-27T19:39:59+00:00

You're right for not letting her use sex as a currency, or some kind of trade. You're an alpha guy (ideally), you don't need to do anything to get sex, you have sex being thrown at you from all the horny ladies you pass by every day (probably not but that's the mindset you want to have). Her offer for a HJ in exchange for a backrub should be met with a chuckle, like you're a billionaire and she's trying to sell you a used Honda civic. Everytime you accept her offer you enter her frame, and lose value and attraction in her eyes.

My gf loves back rubs too. If she's been really awesome and I feel like she deserves one, I'll give it to her. While I'm there I'll try to fuck her. If she goes for it, great, if she doesn't, oh well. I'm still giving her the back rub I already decided I wanted to give her anyway, so what do I care. Look up the post on the main /r/marriedredpill about the coconut massage stuff. Back rubs are a good thing as long as you're giving them when you want and from within your own frame.

Archwinger · 2016-01-27T19:26:53+00:00

My wife was way into backrubs, too. I got this shit to stop by escalating every single backrub into sex. No discussion, no trade, I just pushed her every single time, either forcing her into a rejection or getting laid, every single time, until she stopped asking for backrubs, telling me she didn't like the fact that there were "strings attached" when I gave them. Joke's on her. I kept escalating every time I wanted sex anyway, just without the backrubs.

TotesMessenger · 2016-01-28T19:30:07+00:00

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/thebluepill] Merps pregnant wife is under doctor's orders not to have sex. So, she is constantly offering our dear Daddy to be the sexual favors she is allowed to give in exchange for back rubs. Thankfully he understands what a horrific injustice her wanting back rub is and is putting a stop to it!

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.} ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)

BluepillProfessor · 2016-01-30T21:22:31+00:00

Book Excerpt: It should be on Kindle this weekend. This concerns "foot rubs" but it is (obviously I hope) the same for back rubs.

My Blue Pill fans will have a ball with this rambling but incisive little section.

Your wife has no duty, obligation, or even an idea that you consider foot rubbing to be a form of foreplay. Why would she have any idea? You have not told her. Did you show her or even tell her that you expected a foot rub to lead to sex? Did you try to escalate into sex during the foot rub? You can always walk your hands up the inside of her legs and, of course, if all else fails you could do what the professor would do and simply try rubbing your hard dick on her foot instead of using your fingers. The point is you need to bring your covert contracts out into the open and be explicit about your wants, needs, and desires, preferably with actions, not words.

To be a masculine man, you need to be honest. You need to be able to tell your wife: “I need to fuck you right now,” and then do it.

If your wife wants a foot rub, one proper response is to treat it like a Shit Test. Agree and Amplify that request right out of the water. At the same time make your Covert Contract into an Overt Contract. “Oh baby I love to rub your feet, but you know what it does to my penis.”

Don’t forget to make sure that she gets a great foot rub! So, begin the way she says she likes it and then begin escalating. You can start at the foot and trail your fingers ever so lightly to that oh-so-sensitive spot between her legs. Do that from foot to crotch for five minutes or so, brushing her lips on the upstroke. Keep getting more aggressive over the next few minutes (a good rule of thumb is to escalate slowly and go further when she starts to relax into whatever you are doing at the moment). I would keep going until you are balls deep inside her, or until she makes you stop, whichever comes first.

A proper caution is necessary at this point because there is considerable authority, broad agreement, and extensive writings on the idea that sexual desire cannot be negotiated. Sex is a frenetic, sweaty affair. The secret to a woman’s vagina is in the emotions and CANNOT be negotiated with logic. Thus you must keep in mind you are not negotiating a formal contract with your wife. Thinking, “If I do this, you will lay there and let me do that and pretend to like it” is just disgusting and anti-seductive. It might be the least erotic thing you can could ever do. If you want to approach negotiating desire in a fair way then I suggest you stop treating your wife like a prostitute and simply go pay a real prostitute- if nothing else than for the refreshing bit of honesty. However, unless your wife is a prostitute, you are going to need a slightly different approach with her.

Hopefully, that makes it absolutely clear that you are not negotiating. But simply informing her of the terms of your compliance, and then ACTING to physically arouse your wife. In doing this act, rather than negotiating, you are in fact commanding her to comply with the terms that you set for your service, and there is little that is more sexually arousing to a normal woman than to be commanded to perform sexually by a high value male.

This reframing is critically important because while desire cannot be negotiated, it can be commanded. In a very real sense, sexual desire is always commanded. Seduction is nothing more than the art of commanding desire.

Of course this very aggressive seduction routine may backfire, especially if you are in a low attraction state. That is fine because the critical thing is to be able to maintain frame, not to turn a request for a foot rub into head pounding, hair pulling sex. Remember, all of this followed a “demand” that you service your wife by rubbing her feet. Remember, the goal is to get rid of your Covert Contracts at this stage, NOT to turn this episode into a sexual marathon. So…you already responded to her request by assuring her you would rub her feet, but you already told her “what happens to your penis” when you rub her feet. So, it is no surprise to her that you would take the chance to skillfully escalate to sexual activity. Of course, she is likely to pull away and protest at which point you return to foot rubbing- before beginning the slow seduction build up again. She will either have sex or stop the “foot rub” and either choice is win-win for you. Plus, you will have moved the bar towards heating up that slow cooker for later that day, or the next.

Edit: If she literally can't have sex due to whatever, the advice is the same- escalate into a HJ/BJ during some vaginal/Hitachi Magic Wand massage. Just about any pregnancy restriction would be to penetration with a big cock, into the cervix not to avoiding orgasms, and I know the Clit wasn't discovered until the 1960's but it is there, really.

UEMcGill · 2016-01-28T15:37:19+00:00

Give freely without expectation of anything in return. Give because you enjoy it, and nothing else. If you can't do either of these, don't do it.

Tell her the next time "Ok, I'll take a hand job, for a back rub." then get the handy and when it comes time for the back rub, just say "nah I changed my mind I'm not some kind of whore." and laugh while you say it. She'll get the point real quick.

2016-01-27T19:16:36+00:00

they all do.

I find after sex, I tend to be more 'in the mood' for this shit. If she wants good ones, it's in her best interest to get me into it as well.

also, if I'm not in the mood, I'm not in the mood. This is comfort testing to me, earn the comfort if you want it.

for the inevitable shit tests if you say 'no' just get reading to learn to fog well. This is no different than you hounding her for a blowjob

2016-01-27T20:15:28+00:00

We all have varying levels of stamina when it comes to what battles we're wanting to take on at the same time.

Not everything you want to change requires talk or a direct address.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by all of this, are finding that implementing all at once or even moving enough steps in the right direction is causing you to juggle to distraction then start implementing tools of slow fade, postponement and "sucking at it".

Start sucking at back rubs.

Or when she presents her back. Tickle her (total opposite I might add). Turns around again.... tickle her again. Wear her out.

My s-i-l is an entitled brat when it comes to the exact same thing and my b-i-l dutifully supplied the rub. My wife even complains about it. "What DOES she do?" Her (sil) generation of friends is useless. They don't cook. They don't do mothering all that well (or at all). They want to be picked up to be taken to the grocery store because they all have to shop together. They're fucking useless and taking it to more and more princess like levels.

At some point you're going to have to have the stamina to just stop. Weather the bazillion shit tests and come out the other side. Kill any exchange of favors mentality as well.

opening_eyes · 2016-01-28T01:40:10+00:00

"Reward" or "barter" sex feels off even to the most preredpill guy. It is recognizing that type of pattern and being disgusted by it that lead me to the pill. (I think my search terms were 'dead bedroom choreplay' or some such).

The logician in you finally puts together that :

A stranger can exchange money for back rubs. Back rubs can be exchanged for sex. Ergo...

And the whole thing feels disgusting. Sex should be its own thing and have no exchange rate. The only thing it should be traded for is something else that money shouldn't be able to buy, such as commitment and trust.

My only bit of advice in addition to whatever everyone else has said is this:

Everyone says it and it so hard to do it... but shut the fuck up. Dont explain or defend your position. Avoid that conversation for as long as possible. The longer you put off "the main event," the more successful you will be in that conversation.

MRPguy · 2016-01-28T17:41:19+00:00

Perfect line that I've stolen from CH:

Wife: "Will you give me a backrub?"

You: "I don't want to get you pregnant."

The uses are endless.

Wife: "Will you get me some water."

You: "I don't want to get you pregnant."

pullypants · 2016-01-28T13:31:18+00:00

I use full on overt contract with this kind of thing. You want a back rub? I'm going in after, deal?

UEMcGill · 2016-01-29T14:18:45+00:00

This post has been cross-posted

There's some brigading going on in this post, I've removed the relevant users but voting is skewed.

Trekneck · 2016-01-27T21:49:49+00:00

If you HATE doing it, you're reading alone should tell you that you need to stop doing it.

You can completely ignore the fact that she has her own covert contracts here, or the fact that you're getting "good boy" handjobs like a 13 year old instead of the sex you're wanting.

As scurvemuch mentioned, you've already got an established system here that you've made clear you don't approve of, so break the system.

If her "love language" is backrubs, your's needs to be blowjobs (at minimum). For the love of god knock it off with the handjobs, that's a pity move if nothing else.

Redneck001 · 2016-01-28T19:46:41+00:00

I just laugh.

Or, "5 for 5." Back rub for 5 minutes, bj for 5 minutes.

She doesn't ask very often anymore.

Title	Back rubs
Author	991JD
Upvotes	1
Comments	33
Date	January 27, 2016 6:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/42yz1i/back_rubs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/back-rubs.207700 https://theredarchive.com/post/207700

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