Failure, not sure why [X-Post with RPC]

fuckmrp · 2017-10-19T17:31:44+00:00

I'm more confused about what I did wrong in the situation itself

Judging your actions by her reaction is what you're doing wrong.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2017-10-19T17:26:15+00:00

People like predictability. They like to put you in a box. When you get out of the box, people react "Hey, WTF, get back in your box!"

You sound like the predictable beta. Have you been?

Don't apologize, don't back down. Own it. And don't get back in your box. Sometimes you have to be an asshole. It's life.

Edit: Also, quit looking to your wife's approval to gauge your success or failure. Guy was an asshole, you dealt with him, sounds like success to me!

sexyshoulderdevil · 2017-10-19T18:11:38+00:00

Did you do it right? Sounds like you kind of gave too many fucks about him...which is weak.

https://youtu.be/trgKeCFmi3M?t=2m26s

ReddJive · 2017-10-19T17:13:24+00:00

My first response is that you aren't telling us the whole truth as to what happened between you and your little buddy.

The proof is here:

I did to him the exact same things he was doing to everyone else

Make it sound better by you not being rude and such but you made him your equal by retaliating in kind. Your wife saw that and she didn't like it. At a deeper level she saw you act like the beta jerk that was there. you didn't handle it as an alpha would an AMOG.

The response from the rest of my party was great: "That was totally awesome!" and "I wish I had the nerve to do that!"

Validation seeking. Did this really need to be said here?

Lastly its not bravado. If you had just said to the guy. IT's time to move one and leave. Be direct. Upfront. Instead of playing beta games with him you would have gotten a better result. Avoiding the conflict which is what you did in order to be a joking laughing guy that can make things happens rarely works well.

That's how i read it.

red-sfpplus · 2017-10-19T17:21:56+00:00

My only educated guess is that there was convo about this person before he showed up causing tension and anxiety. Thus wife was not having fun.

I am sure everyone in your circle was stressed and making this guy the center of attention instead of having fun. Why? Cause your boring and cant maintain convo wo a topic.

When he finally showed up your wife was not expecting you to have reached in her purse, reattach your balls deal with the threat.

When it was all done however, you detached them, put them back in her purse and went about your normal beta ways as shown by the clear butt hurt in your OP when your kino attempts went south.

I am sure our bro was the topic of conversation after he left. What did you do to try and rebound the sour mood?

Who really knows? We were not there. Keep doing you is the only advice I have.

straius · 2017-10-19T17:43:39+00:00

There's too many details left out to make any sense of the situation as you describe it right now. This is symbolic of something to your wife, is she just overly sensitive to confrontation? Is there some history she has with a bad ex or something? There's a giant hole in this story.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-10-19T17:34:31+00:00

It almost reads like a shit test here, but there's a very low probability it is a comfort test. You were there and know your wife, what was it?

At least she cut through the womanese and added "right now" at the end.

Personally I would NGAF and move on, and keep her in my frame.

Finuul · 2017-10-19T18:36:31+00:00

I'm curious like /u/reddjive about the detail.

About the situation

It's one thing to become the party buffer and out AMOG by virtue. OR you may have gotten lucky by mirroring him and the guy , and group, seeing that his antics are playing to deaf ears just decides the prize wasn't worth it and grants the boon of leaving.

If that mirroring really puts you so out of character it can't be explained by a normal shift towards being a better leader, I think it'll be seen as a gambled weak play that could have backfired.

Still... if the shift was minor it could be a fitness or frame test and felt the need to throw one.

There's a standing knowledge my wife knows about me that is 100% part of me (MAP):

I don't like being an asshole, but if you make me, I have no problem being one. I may even go overboard to make the point stick or that >I'm< satisfied people understand.

I hear a lot "You don't have to be a jerk" in situations where it's clear I wasn't jerky. (recent case: guy comes to my house for repair work and starts giving me a line of b.s., after it's clear he's wasting my time I will get brief, let him talk himself out, and then finish quickly and let him go so I could get the next quote). No kidding near the end of the conversation she was jumping in with more befuddled and crazy looks than I ever gave the doofus. (side note: no lie , his quote was for 27k...wanting to rip out a portion of my house ... whereas the roofer I trust, and should have called first... REPAIRED it for 100$).

Still, I'll think about it and assess later. Was I a jerk? 8/10 times (real scientifical) I feel I wasn't there's no need to look back. Those times I didn't need to be and it was optional , I may shift my perspective and try to be prepared to try something new...maybe once. But that's all internal and not a process I involved others in.

She enjoys a lot of benefits of me being a jerk when I need, not the least of which the ability to play good cop to my bad.

Long of all that rant... be your own brand of AMOG if you like being the AMOG or need to "put on your game face" for a specific situation.

If it was out of your normal character and it worked for you...
If you didn't step up , would someone else?
Was the rest of the evening pleasant?

If so, the ends justified the means. It could very well been your unassuredness of what happened later that she fed off of.

Some of that can happen if you do something like that , and then you sought approval for your actions later.

"Gee , I'm really sorry I had to do that." vs "Now where were we?"

Her saying ... and them saying "do that" ... what exactly is the "that"?

About the her

And here's the kicker... whether you did the right or wrong thing, all the rest of them benefited by your stepping up and solving a bad situation. So fuck all the buyers remorse later. YES , maybe you could handle it differently next time, but fuck man, would the old you (the one she loved sooo much that she drove you here) have done anything? But seriously , was it a step in a better direction for you?

" I really don't like you right now." says a lot more than the situation. She probably just used it to take a moral high ground.

I'm pretty sure my response to that would have been "Hey I saw you had a good time after he left. You're welcome." And not acknowledged anything about it subsequently, downplay , a.a., a.m. and finally if need O.I.

You could have done the right thing, you could have done the wrong thing...but at least you did some thing.

[EDIT: Deleted and move up to be a comment in response to OP]

BobbyPeru · 2017-10-19T21:28:28+00:00

Sounds like you went to down to his level, which is weak.

Not alpha.

But, you are your only judge. Remember that.

Finuul · 2017-10-20T10:29:56+00:00

I tried to engage.

Language is a good indicator of intention. You tried to engage? What's that like, a covert contract? Like you were expecting some result from her and didn't get it? So your engaging failed? And that altered how you acted with her in the future?

Dude you be flirty and kino. Like you DO it regardless of how you think or even how she does respond. Like fuck you bitch my kino and flirting is for me, not for you. When she disrespects you, and make no mistake pulling away from your kiss and saying what she said is massive disrespect, walk away, like way away. That level of disrespect is jaw dropping, like I don't even want to be around you disrespect. I'll quote Blind Fury on this one: Thinking you bringing that mentality into my galaxy is a fallacy for anyone that battle me.

screechhater · 2017-10-20T22:50:14+00:00

Why in the fuck would you listen to her shit ?

Want the truth ? Serious ?

She was probably soaked and literally couldn't handle it then you went from masculine to touchy fealy and repulsed or poor timing on your part with too much attention on her (hamster shit)

My adrenaline pumps ? I ain't gonna be doing any kino for a while

Any way, read up on dread you need it especially 4, 5 I would never engaged with her shit

Title	Failure, not sure why [X-Post with RPC]
Author	Finuul
Upvotes	3
Comments	35
Date	October 19, 2017 5:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/77fszr/failure_not_sure_why_xpost_with_rpc/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/failure-not-sure-why-x-post-with-rpc.205262 https://theredarchive.com/post/205262

Comments

About the situation

About the her