Not owning my shit

screechhater · 2018-02-10T02:39:45+00:00

There are numerous interpretations, but the biggest I see is operating in her frame and then DEERing, your reasons.

I do see as a “get it done” type person a difference of opinion, however if you have been a previously drunk bastard, she is tired of momma ing you. Hence- her stance.

In the grand scheme of things as you do the work and clean up your act this will be a non event in the future.

There is a sidebar and advice to lift for a reason

The_Litz · 2018-02-10T07:37:06+00:00

It is not about the car seats.

Chances are pretty good you have never said "no" to her. She demands something and instead of saying no, you passive aggressively do it at your convenience. Trying to show her that you will do it when you want to do it and not because she said you must do it.

If she were to ask you to get her some water, would you say no, or tell her you will get it when you go down to the kitchen?

The car seats are not the issue here, that was something that needed to be done anyway. Just check yourself in future when she asks/tells you to do something. Are you defending the ego by delaying it?

BobbyPeru · 2018-02-10T04:30:32+00:00

She said I always have to be right. I responded blah blah blah

Quit DEERing. Your best move in this whole thing was amused mastery, STFU, and A&A.

The fact that you posted this trivial conversation shows how little frame you haves. She owns you, and she knows it.

frame - that’s what you need to work on.

Good frame book for you : Tge subtle art of not giving a fuck, by Mark Manson

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-02-10T05:40:46+00:00

I don't see anything wrong with installing the car seats with the kids in the morning.

Just stopping by for some validation then? Good luck with that 'round here...

Ever heard Athol talk about the dishes?

BigAjax · 2018-02-10T17:07:18+00:00

Looks to me like you're using her reactions as the yardstick for your actions. Which means you're balls-deep in her frame. What the fuck do you care that she didn't like how you planned to handle things? Why are you looking to Mommy to tell you whether you've been a good boy? Don't you think one of the lessons to learn from this place is that, if you're doing it right, you're going to piss your wife off at times?

You know you're owning your shit when you are recognizing what needs to be done, priority ranking what needs to be done, and then actually taking care of things in the right order, at the right time, in the right way. You decide what is right and the feedback that matters is from the world: did you succeed, did more problems crop up while you let something wait, are you improving, is the crew safe and the ship moving forward?

Also that swapping of noises between you and your wife after the incident is worse than useless.

Like most guys who are stumbling around with bullshit like this, you need to radically reorient your outlook on your life. If you haven't already, you should read part 4 of Rollo's Reconstruction series at least a half-dozen times: https://therationalmale.com/2017/02/03/the-reconstruction-iv/

ex_addict_bro · 2018-02-10T18:27:06+00:00

IMO if a bitch installs car seats at your home then you're done.

Prepare your exit plan.

Perhaps she knew that you lazy fat fuck would not do that anyways.

Typical "drunken captain and sober 1st officer" dynamics.

Been there done that.

Your marriage is done.

redeemedpr · 2018-02-11T02:36:40+00:00

When you are in this stage where your wife does stuff like this, you must be clear with your communication. And not fear. "No problem, I will handle that. I will make sure I have time to get it done in the morning ". Its a little of the old - how you say what you say - type thing. Say it with frame. And do it in the morning.
After she does it you have to just smile and not let it bother you. No "I told you I would do it in the morning" "I dont know why you did it" or any of that garbage. Just shrug it off and go back to having your shit together. Women are going to do weird shit sometimes, its only a real problem when she can see that it has knocked you off your track.

Title	Not owning my shit
Author	Iammrp2
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	February 10, 2018 2:09 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7wik5i/not_owning_my_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/not-owning-my-shit.204840 https://theredarchive.com/post/204840

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