The more I dig into this the more I wonder. Is it best to lead by example and hope your wife jumps on board. Or should you be laying down rules, expectations, etc. and if the latter is this something you gradually should be doing over time. Or something you should be starting off right away.

For example, when I come home from work. I like to come home to a clean house. Or at the very least a clean kitchen (first room when I enter). I used to make covert contracts. When she would work, I would clean the entire house before she would get home. NOT because she expected it. NOT because she would say anything if I didn’t.

But because 1. I like a clean house and 2. Because when I come home. I expect a clean house. So I’d be a hypocrite if I wasn’t practicing what I preached.

Now we have 2 children there’s a lot going on for us. so I get the house is never going to be all the way clean. But it literally takes me 30 mins to make the entire downstairs. Look presentable.

I would then get pissed Bc she wasn’t doing the same for me. We had been playing a game and the one question was. What is 3 things. Your partner can do to make you feel appreciated or something of the sort. I said. I like coming home to a clean house.

Instead of listening to what I was asking it turned into her getting defensive and saying I don’t appreciate what she does do. How she’s so busy (which is bullshit it doesnt take long and she no longer works during the week from home. She used to work from home and get mad shit done. She just got very lazy) but she will make sure she drops everything so I can come home to a clean house. DEER DEER DEER from me at the time.

Anyway since I started back on my RP journey. I have been STFU and doing what I’m told here “do what you would do if you’re wife was dead”. With no covert contracts or pats on the back for doing it. I don’t even say what I did like I used to.

So my question is should I keep STFU since I’m just starting to own my shit and maybe she will follow suit. Or should i be handling this differently?