How should I determine limits with LTR?

boy_named_su · 2019-06-17T21:58:12+00:00

She should not be communicating with her exes at all

FereallyRed · 2019-06-17T20:52:27+00:00

Give enough rope.

If you two should be in a LTR, then your values and beliefs and morals should match to the point that mateguarding and boundary setting are irrelevant.

She should do what she thinks is right.

If you're compatible, then what she thinks is right is what you think is right, and away you go.

Give her enough rope.

ComplexProjection · 2019-06-17T21:26:53+00:00

My answer: « you are a responsible adult and I expect you to behave as such ». Pressure flip on her, and you still have the liberty to judge what you find acceptable or not.

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-06-17T22:52:12+00:00

If she takes you and the relationship seriously enough, should know where the boundaries are without being explicit.

Madhatter747 · 2019-06-17T20:37:21+00:00

Tricky, I have similar issue with my LTR. Best let her know your limits specifically but with a take it or leave it attitude; unafraid to walk away. It's a paradox, i know.

Terdmuffin · 2019-06-18T01:11:33+00:00

These are the issues you need to hash out in the vetting process BEFORE you commit to an ltr.

BusterVadge · 2019-06-18T11:49:15+00:00

In addition to what the other guys in here have said... If she respects you she would never put herself in a position for anything stupid to happen with another guy.

Such as.... Communicating with exes, hanging out with guys who want to fuck her, sexy dancing with other men at clubs, etc etc.

If you're doing everything right and you've vetted for a quality woman she's going to actively avoid things that could make her lose you.

That_Deaf_Guy · 2019-06-17T20:44:49+00:00

Do you want her to message her ex or meet an orbiter? If not, make it clear.

If she thinks it's okay, let her go but make it clear you won't be there when she returns.

I can't remember exactly what it said, but ages ago I read a post on flipping it back on them i.e. "Do you think it's okay to do _____"?

If she directly does something that crosses your boundaries, and you've made that clear, soft next.

A plate recently blew up my phone because I ignored her due to her passive aggressiveness. I realised I was slipping up and told her we talk on text too much, therefore we need boundaries and I will no longer contact her unless required. Also said I've made it clear to her I don't like passive aggressive people, therefore she needs to fix that. She apologised and has been receptive since.

Mzo2016 · 2019-06-17T22:47:18+00:00

Ask her, would what you ask me be okay if I do it too?

rpsheepdog · 2019-06-17T20:52:52+00:00

Just tell her yes or no; don't play tit-for-tat games

Title	How should I determine limits with LTR?
Author	sobrage
Upvotes	8
Comments	20
Date	June 17, 2019 8:32 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c1spgn/how_should_i_determine_limits_with_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-should-i-determine-limits-with-ltr.242365 https://theredarchive.com/post/242365

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