How to stop being an incel

fathergoose77 · 2022-09-23T17:29:06+00:00

I’m glad you’re here and beginning to challenge the very illogical and non-factual views that’s incels and redpill spews.

A couple people already mentioned therapy which I think is a great idea for your self esteem and self-worth.

Practicing empathy, or putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand what they’re feeling, would also be helpful. Incels like to devide people and blame an “other” for their problems (attractive unattainable women, black men, tall men, overweight women). It’s the same tactics that racists and misogynists have used forever…..like separating “worthy” people based on physical characteristics (sounds like the nazi propaganda we’ve all learned about, right?). And they target young, insecure boys for that specific reason because angry teenagers are easier to manipulate to these hate based ideologies.

Women are just people like you and I. They are all very different from one another and all have different goals and values. Incels act like every woman has the same goals and lifestyle of an ig/tik tok sugar baby/influencer. It’s just not based in reality (because they often have no idea what reality is like since most of these people lack the skills to engage productively in the world we live in…which can be learned!)

Also do a deep dive into yourself and ask what sex means to you? How do you think you’ll feel once you have it? How does this align with your bigger life goals for yourself? What does sex mean for the woman you will be having it with? And I don’t just mean the physical pleasure aspect. Sex means so much to incels because they assign it more value for their self-worth compared to just the average virgin who has not has sex yet.

Finally, what are you doing to challenge these views. Like for example, the women in your post made you a home cooked meal, and then the next meal (pizza), she asked if you could cover. This seems fair and logical to me. So why did the incel idea that she’s using you pop into your brain? From her perspective, you refusing to pay seemed like you were using her for a free home cooked meal and sex. Do you see this contradiction?

SweelFor- · 2022-09-23T15:34:28+00:00

That's a lot. Let's start with the basics and then I will be more specific.

If consuming red pill is what made you fall into these ideas, the first step is to stop consuming red pill. If algorythms don't let you go, create new accounts for everything until you don't even see thumbnails or mentions of it.

Second step, once you have stopped actively programming yourself into RP, is to deprogram yourself by consuming good content instead, for example all these podcasts:

https://youtu.be/d04-3YOZV6Q

https://youtu.be/MrGgZTTL6pc

https://youtu.be/-YTVVLssVLI

https://youtu.be/ljuSLYf_yTk

However long you spent listening to RP, spend twice as long listening to the opposite of RP, which is actual psychology by psychologists.

This is not something that you should read and think "oh yeah that sounds great" and then not do it. I mean it literally. Actually do the things. Unsubscribe, unfollow, stop clicking the stuff. Then actually listen to the videos from start to finish. Not hypothetically, not a little bit. Actually do it.

For my personal insecurities I am insecure because I am too short, I am insecure of my average penis size, I am insecure of my average looking face and I am insecure about being white as I know the incels think tend to think ‘Just Be White’ but I feel like black guys are way more attractive to women especially for hookups

For your personal insecurities I recommend therapy. Logically deconstructing the false premises in your statements will not cure your insecurities. If that was all it took, barely anyone would be insecure about anything.

As for my standards in a partner or hookup, luckily I differ from incels as I dont ever expect to land a ‘Stacy’

A very easy step to stop being an incel is to stop using incel words. "Stacy" is not a real world. It's an incel word. Stop using it.

I understand my place and actually go for unattractive to average looking women yet still get rejected

It seems like you believe this is a rational non-incel thing to say, but it's very much an incel line of thinking. What the frick is "your place"? I don't know what that is. What are unattractive women? Why do you want to be with someone you are not attracted to?

I assume you are saying this in absolute terms. You believe there is the group of ugly women, the group of average women, and the group of attractive women. Stop it. That doesn't mean anything. Attractiveness is subjective, however you want to be with by definition is an attractive woman to you. If someone is unattractive to you then by definition that means you don't want to be with them.

So stop trying to be with people you don't wanna be with and stop thinking in these false absolutist terms.

I started learning things like women get more pleasure in sex than men due to biology, women can have sex whenever they want, men have to work while women can secure a betabux, women have 1000s of options on dating apps including the unattractive ones, women can easily get money off of men being desperate

Where did you learn these things. Did you learn them from psychologists? Did you learn them from relationship therapists, or from sociology and gender experts? Or from angry upset and bitter incels on the internet?

Why do you trust the opinion of incels on the matter on human relationships and gender? They are literally the very last group to turn to when seeking opinion on these matters, by definition.

Those facts are scientifically incorrect. They don't make any sense.

If women could have sex anytime they want, doesn't that mean that every time, a man is also having sex? How come you only focus on half of this? This is a very strange and false idea.

Men have to work but women don't? Do you live in the real world? What do you think women do exactly?

If female privilege was real but male privilege wasn't, then the major social movement of the last century would have been masculinism, all the politicians in the senate etc would be 90% female, all the richest people would be 90% female, men would be scared to walk alone at night around women, men would get their rights dictated by women politicians, etc etc. This is not the world we live in. This is an alternate reality, that is not ours.

As an incel I then wondered how this woman who has had sex and relationships aswell as money from guys, could be depressed.

This is because depression is completely unrelated, that is how.

The conclusion to all this is: stop following and reading incel content, watch good and correct psychology content, and go to therapy. And nodding along is not enough, you need to actually do these things.

tinmanshrugged · 2022-09-23T15:28:29+00:00

It sounds like you’re not happy and you have a low opinion of yourself. You also have some strange assumptions about women. It’s good that you’re here and open to new ideas. I think you’d benefit from lots of long conversations to challenge all these negative beliefs about yourself and women. I recommend seeing a therapist once a week for 8 weeks or so. Tell them you want to work on your confidence and ability to trust others.

What does it do for you when you post on incel forums or “learn” about how easy life is for women? Does it make you feel better? Why? When we’re deeply unhappy, it can feel good to have something external to blame it on. It feels good to think we’re a victim of something outside of our control. Try to find other ways to meet the needs that incel forums are meeting for you, like talking to a friend about how you’re feeling.

rumpots420 · 2022-09-23T16:42:39+00:00

A few things to consider: 1 you're probably too worried about creeping women out 2. The stereotype of black men as more appealing to women for casual sex is something that racists made up 3. Porn addiction is bad. My advice is to tell your therapist that it is the issue you want to focus on most and they 'll help you come up with strategies to quit. If you don't have a therapist, you should consider looking for one that you can afford, or maybe ask your relatives for help finding and affording one

drunk_blueberry · 2022-09-23T16:37:09+00:00

One thing you need to understand about depression. It's chemical and it doesn't discriminate.

And you don't know all the details of someone's life and what has happened to them.

You could have it all. Wealth, loving friends and family and that still won't save you from depression. It's an illness. The brain, like any organ in you body, can get sick.

It needs no reason to develope. Sometimes is purely genetic. Depression doesn't see gender, race or age. It doesn't discriminate.

Mehitobel · 2022-09-23T18:07:46+00:00

Depression can be caused by life, but it also can be a chemical imbalance that no one has control over.

I’m married now, but that didn’t happen until I was 35. Before that I was a fat, ugly woman who was depressed. I’m still fat and ugly, but I have a partner who loves me and that makes all the difference.

You need to stop rating woman on their looks, and instead concentrate on how the woman treats you.

MaynardRosemary · 2022-09-23T17:59:40+00:00

you won and rejected the prize.

RXCC00N · 2022-09-23T14:48:57+00:00

are you in the states

jasminalcoolat · 2022-09-23T17:41:44+00:00

Proud of you. ♥️ I hope you’ll be able to heal your heart and your relationships. Rooting for you.

gls2220 · 2022-09-23T23:44:03+00:00

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but perhaps you should see a therapist. You have an awful lot of really, really negative self-image issues and I doubt you can just dispense with those by talking to people on online forums. You need to work with someone that can help you change your thought patterns about yourself and about women, but mostly about yourself.

stacyxxluv · 2022-09-24T08:44:05+00:00

You are hyper hyper focused on appearance it seems. But women aren’t as appearance focused as men are. And even if they were, you don’t need to look perfect. You don’t need a huge d. Average d is perfect because most girls would be into that. Big d can hurt a lot (I’m a girl). Also, plenty of average looking guys have meaningful relationships.

Casual hookups are harder for average men. But meaningful relationships could be easier because it’s not only about looks. And women tend to find personality very important as well.

Meat_Vegetable · 2022-09-23T15:16:19+00:00

First part, being short is whatever, some women like shorter men, some women like taller men. Most people when they meet the right person will love that person regardless.

I am however glad that you're challenging your views, and I remember my journey. My insecurities stemmed from an abusive mother and an absent alcoholic Father.

JonF1 · 2022-09-24T02:30:17+00:00

The short and curt answer is that you're spending way too much time online and you're spending that time online consuming junk food tier pop psychology that is severely severing your connections to the immediate world that resounds you.

Stop worrying about how tall you are or how big your muscles are. Be comfortable in your on skin because that will get you much rafter than you will just impressing sallow people. How easier women, taller people, buffer people have you isn't any of your concern, it isn't a competition.

Find things some to do. Maybe try art, maybe yo will like running, shit maybe you like video games dude. I completely understand if its hard and maybe right now but the key to it is breaking the cycle. Finding stuff and then eventually people you can be around without having to worry about putting on an act.

Fun_Access_599 · 2022-09-27T03:07:53+00:00

The only way to stop being an incel is to have sex with someone of your sexual preference.

Naus1987 · 2022-09-23T16:36:21+00:00

I’m a 5’7” guy, and my height has never been a problem.

What holds me back from dating basic women is being asexual ;) but everyone eats up the Disney PG romance!

Self reflection helps. Figure out who you are and what you want. Figure out what you want that stuff and then think of people as being like you. Emphasize with their feelings and just enjoy being a random human in society.

Everyone’s just trying to enjoy life. It’s not all about you and what you want. So if you find a way to treat people as equals just doing their own thing then life goes easier.

Aubversive_Ad0942 · 2022-10-05T16:57:07+00:00

how to stop being an incel

have sex

Kilagria · 2022-09-23T19:03:33+00:00

Most of your problems could be solved if you stopped being a coward.

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no_bling_just_ding · 2022-10-19T11:40:44+00:00

well one way to not be an incel is to have sex

imtooshortt · 2022-10-23T13:33:07+00:00

You can't. This is a genetic.

Title	How to stop being an incel
Author	CoastAffectionate67
Upvotes	37
Comments	94
Date	September 23, 2022 2:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xlz7sr/how_to_stop_being_an_incel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-stop-being-an-incel.1131986 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131986

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