I saw this question a while back in here, and I wanted to provide a comprehensive answer, based on my years of experience, as well as what I’ve learnt over the years.

Everyone has a different idea of what game means. Someone in this subreddit once said game is about having the ability to talk to women with confidence. Others believe it’s about having specific social skills that can make a woman interested in you.

Whatever your definition is, I’d like to invite you to think bigger. Because if it’s merely about having the ability to talk to women with confidence, then you’re gonna hit a plateau eventually with the type of women you can attract. After all, the strength of your words is powerful, but the strength of your person is greater.

So here’s my definition of game:

  1. Lifestyle
  2. Awareness
    1. Self
    2. Man-Woman Dynamics
    3. Environment
  3. Dating Skillsets
  4. Mentality
  5. Attractive Archetype

Compatibility aside, there are a few other reasons why lifestyle is so important here. It’s not for piquing her interest. Instead, an awesome lifestyle:

  • Helps you to develop good social connections, allowing you to meet more people
  • Maintains and betters your social skills
  • Gives you a never-ending supply of experiences and stories to share (which means conversation becomes easier)
  • Helps you and your romantic interest/partner engage in a mutual and fun activity, thus creating a shared experience and deepening your connection
  • Naturally makes you happier (and thus, contributes to longevity)

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a simple life. But it will inevitably affect the type of women you attract. So you have to ask yourself what type of woman do you want in your life? If you’re fine with a homebody or someone who’s less social, then by all means, be the same. Otherwise, it’s time to change your lifestyle.

Let’s look at awareness next. There are 3 important points I listed above for awareness.

You want to be aware of who you are. Why? Because you are sharing yourself with the woman you’re interested in. Compatibility, in whatever form that may be, is going to be about you and her.

Without awareness of self, how are you going to show her who you truly are as a person?

WIthout it, how are you going to know what you want in a woman?

I am sure that is obvious for you, but I’d still like to encourage you to dig deep into who you really are, and understand yourself better. It’s not merely about your superficial preferences, but also what is your purpose? What do you stand for? What are your beliefs and your core values?

Understanding all these can help you understand the dynamics between men and women better.

There are plenty of commonalities in our psychology, as well as the way we behave. People are people at the end of the day. You have fears and hopes, so does she. She has her own imperfections, flaws and idiosyncrasies, so do you.

We also want to recognise she wants pretty much the same things as you do. You want a good woman, she wants a good man. You want love and affection, so does she.

You may think women on dating apps only want validation, but if she matches with someone whom she thinks is awesome, she’s gonna want to meet him eventually. Likewise, if an amazing woman comes along, you’re not gonna say no.

Recognising she is ultimately a human being first, can really help you bridge a gap in terms of understanding the relationship between man and woman.

Beyond that, women have their own ideas of what they want in a man. You can never fulfill every woman’s ideas, and you shouldn’t. You don’t wanna become someone you are not, but it doesn’t hurt to become a better version of yourself. The version you can be proud of as well. The version that makes women (and people) want to have in their lives. Understanding and acting upon this can help you with your dating goals immensely.

And how does environment factor into all these?

If you are gonna try to attract women in your city/country, it helps to understand how your environment has shaped and influenced a woman’s wants and desires. What are her ideas of what she wants, based on popular media and culture? How do her friends shape her choices? Attraction is not merely biological. It is as much psychological and cultural.

Then there are dating skillsets. This is probably the least of your worries, because dating skillsets don’t really require a lot of time to learn. You may think, “Oh but I gotta master Skill A, B, C and all the way to Z in the art of attraction”.

No, you don’t. You do not need 12 different steps to get a woman to want to sleep with you. Nor do you need frame control, or sexual authority or whatever new “ground-breaking technique” the PUA community came up with.

What you need though, is to be a likeable and respectable person. The former is easy, and the latter difficult. Because a lot of men out there don’t command respect at all, with the way they behave. They don’t say what they mean, and they don’t mean what they say. Some men in here are talking about sleeping with “2s and 3s”. First up, rating women is just plain dehumanizing. And if you cannot even respect yourself to go for the type of women you want, how can you expect others to respect you?

And for crying out loud, be a good man. Hating on women is the same as women hating on men. If you’re repulsed by women criticizing men all the time, then stop doing the same in return. There’s nothing attractive about it.

But I digress. With dating skillsets, you want to focus more on developing the awareness aspects of it. Understand how people connect with each other. Understand how to lead. Understand vibe and how to use it in your interactions.

And then use that knowledge to become, not just to act. This is not about putting on a show, or being someone you are not. This is about using yourself to attract her. This is about You being attractive.

But dating skillsets are nothing without mentality. If deep inside the recesses of your mind, you believe you are not worth it, if you actually believe you don’t deserve love from a woman, then you will only half-ass the action steps and end up with unsatisfactory results.

I say this with experience, because for a while, I didn’t believe I was worthy. On the surface, I desired a certain type of women, but because I lacked that belief, I self-sabotaged when I had the opportunities. When I wasn’t doing that, I was chasing after women whom I felt would be easier to attain. For a long time, this meant I wasn’t happy with what I got. Once I discovered my subconscious lack of belief, that was when things started to change for me.

And finally, you want everything to come together by developing your attractive archetype. This goes beyond hitting the gym and/or earning more money. I see everyone talking about either looking good physically or upping their income, but so few people talk about embodying the personality traits of an attractive man.

Does he look good? Of course.

Should he have his finances in order? Sure.

But he stands out because he has an awesome personality too. He is charismatic, knows how to make people feel good about themselves, knows how to relate to others, isn't afraid to take initiative and lead with surety, isn’t afraid that rejections will break him, amongst many other positive and attractive traits.

More importantly, he's a person who gives value to the world. He does not withhold because he wants others to give first. He recognises he has plenty to offer, and believes others will appreciate what he gives and reciprocate in return.

But he had to work hard to become all that.

This attractive archetype has to be developed, and make no mistake, if you go down the path of developing your attractive archetype, women WILL chase you instead.

All the tips and tricks you learnt from pickup can only sustain you for a short period of time, but if you wish to become someone that women want to keep in their lives, then building up who you are is the long-term solution.

That, in a nutshell, is my definition of game.