I'm so frustrated and lost

nicolaedm88 · 2025-10-07T07:45:58+00:00

She was interested in your lifestyle, not you as a person. The attraction was gone when the music stopped and the lights went off. You had to close on the spot. Texting her so late was a mistake on your part. Move on, you lost nothing.

theadoringfan216 · 2025-10-07T08:39:42+00:00

I can tell you in 3 words.

You are Needy.

No matter WHO you are, WHAT you look like if you are needy it will turn every women attraction for you into a camel in the desert

ProfitisAlethia · 2025-10-07T18:57:11+00:00

Honestly, nobody is going to be able to give you advice based off the limited info in this post. Your defeatist attitude implies there's probably something obvious that you're doing wrong, that you can't see, but people around you would pick up quickly.

You're going to need more opinions from people who know you. Ask friends who go out with you or talk to more dating coaches and do a deep dive with one or a couple of them.

Anybody who's giving advice based off your post is just winging guesses. We can't make good assumptions based off limited info. Maybe you did everything right and that girl was just in a relationship. Maybe you did something really off-putting in the moment. You need real life opinions.

Separate-Papaya6414 · 2025-10-07T08:23:48+00:00

you learned an instrument, got all the way on stage, people enjoy your music and now you're gonna fall off because of girls?

I'd say stop to stop focusing on pleasing anyone, write something weird and play it for your audience. Keep progressing and good things will come

karl_ae · 2025-10-07T08:08:45+00:00

With such little info and no context, we can't tell you what exactly the problem is, so take this with a grain of salt.

On paper, you should be doing OK to great. But you say that you are in a dry spell. Obviously, there is something off. The way you describe your interaction with the waitress tells me that you fell into a needy mindset. We are clever animals, we can sense if someone is uptight, stressed and naturally don't want to be in close proximity

Now this is a chicken and egg problem. You get stressed as you go deep in dry spell and you can't break the dry spell as you are stressed. My gut feelings says if you manage to break the cycle, you can get your mojo back.

So, I'd say go for the low hanging fruit.

Mid 40s is not a bad age, especially if you are fit and social. You can date women all the way from early 30s to late 40s. It's a very wide range.

Hope this helps

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-10-07T10:43:52+00:00

Try to see it like this, if I offer you a cup of tea and you say ‘no thanks,’ I assume you didn’t want a cup of tea, I don‘t take it as a personal rejection of myself.

Make offers, if you’re not able to accept somebodies ‘no,’ then maybe you aren’t ready to receive a ‘yes.’
Don’t get me wrong I have adhd and there’s a thing called rejections sensitivity dysphoria which can be brutal over the most innocuous of things. The problem is when you’re feeling fragile in general you might subconsciously be seeking more of those confirmations ie experiences that tell you you deserve rejection / unworthy etc..

If you aren’t enjoying these interactions think about other ways to play. Interacting with the opposite sex ideally ought to be a playful experience, not like a nerve wracking job interview or waiting to hear back from life changing news. Perhaps some of us more sensitive types are not really cut out for the world of apps or conventional ‘dating’ so we need to be a bit more imaginative or organic in how we meet people.

Like what if your goal was just to have as much fun as possible and be super playful, think about the difference between finite/ vs infinite games (James Carse) A finite game is outcome dependant, but in an infinite game the objective is just to keep playing. Women are more likely to be responsive in the infinite games context because nobody wants to be a target or an outcome or a tool to prop up a lonely guys self esteem and cos ‘the feminine’ in men and women is less interested in outcomes and more about unpredictability, mystery and play

tajbinjohn · 2025-10-07T12:29:27+00:00

The feelings people have in any sort of club or party environment is drastically different than that of an afternoon or even when going to bed after the night out/working.

Perhaps it would be better to have asked her what she was doing after the show and go on date 1 from there?

Hungry-Forever4108 · 2025-10-07T13:41:14+00:00

Seems we’re all in crazy dry spells. Maybe its in the air

fingin_pvp · 2025-10-07T13:47:24+00:00

I found love once. Then it died.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-10-08T11:05:57+00:00

Women are attracted to 'confidence' (status), the problem is the fluid nature of confidence. You can't create attraction and let go of the wheel; the reality of how fast women's selective focus flips when you 'lose it' is fucked up.

Point is, you're a certain guy within a context. It's a game of confidence, but you are (in fairness) aided if:

- You are repeating scripted and preapproved songs and don't have to think of things to say

- There's some prior agreement that you're going to be there and perform

- The place is set out for you to have all the attention

- Your actions are literally amplified louder than everyone else's

...and so on. I'm not trying to take away anything from that fact, it's admirable in it's own right, but if you become a 'normal' guy within the crowd, how much of that confidence are you taking with you? It's a harsh reality, which most guys don't seem to realise, but you can get an enthusiastic "YES!" but a minute later, without that situational confidence and lacking enthusiasm, you've lost all that 'halo effect'.

It is 'selective focus', it is 'halo effect'. I can only go based on what you've written here but I've seen multiple instances where people in their field of expertise have this passion and enthusiasm but if you step outside that just a little, you're having 'small talk' and their character completely changes. It's like your 'persona' was accepted but not 'you'; that results in 'you' still having that trepidation and anxiety like anyone else.

Realistically, for most people, it's a balancing act. People have questions they don't want to be asked, they have things they don't want to discuss, they have people and situations they don't feel comfortable around, etc. Unless, like me, you've studied social skills for over 10 years and have the consistency to express yourself with charisma regardless of the circumstances, your confidence is at least somewhat dependent on the context. If you can go hard telling people "It's Wednesday, the best day of the week" as much as you do on stage, props, but I'd assume there's a divide between the charisma you have in music and the charisma you have for everyday life.

I mean, it does technically make sense. People are showing up to see you perform, they're not showing up to see you comment on your stance on horror movies. It's very easy to develop a sense of confidence around that one area, feel validated, feel approval, while not feeling that for what you don't get to show.

HabitConfident7788 · 2025-10-08T16:19:45+00:00

You’re looking too much into it and it’s the rejection that’s killing ur game.. the problem is women love rejecting just for a reaction.. You have to not do things that get u rejected and that takes experience .. that’s why ppl say it’s a numbers game but in reality it’s the experience and idiosyncrasies that allow that to be true.

I’m 25. Came from ur mentality . Now I have a nice rotation of filipinas lol

You have to find ur niche. Ur race, ur type, ur vibe.

With fucking many women I realized sometimes they tend to look alike 🤣 it makes me crack up infront of em ..

This is because I attract a similar female genetic based on my appearance. Everytime I see a women that looks like someone I fucked I’m confident I can fuck that person also cause of genetics ..

How am I with them . Very low expectations. I never let their decisions affect my mood . There’s too many out there .

In person. I make them feel comfortable about who they are… so I can bring out myself as well.

Wean1eHu11 · 2025-10-07T07:49:12+00:00

I’m an ex musician. Unfortunately being a musician isn’t attractive anymore unless you’re famous and rich, or she’s also a creative in my experience.

Mindless-Goal-5340 · 2025-10-14T00:25:01+00:00

Either text her immediately or wait a few days to text her

Internal-Tea4723 · 2025-10-19T10:40:54+00:00

Listen to a man who has figured out this attraction game up to some certain point.

The first mistake you did was texting her again after she didn't reply your first text, please DO NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN. If she doesn't respond to your text the first time, delete her number so you will not be tempted to text her again.

If she is interested, let her respond to your first text before any other thing, if not let her GO.

And yes, it is a numbers game, get as much phone numbers as you can and only give your time to the ones who reciprocate same energy, then ignore the rest who doesn't.

Women can sense weakness from a distance, no woman wants a desperate man, that is a clear sign of weakness.

I am an average looking guy, who doesn't have any problem getting laid cos I have mastered the game of numbers. Women will pull their pants off for a man who doesn't give a fck about them.

Title	I'm so frustrated and lost
Author	Imaginary-Use-5929
Upvotes	10
Comments	45
Date	October 7, 2025 7:28 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1o08600/im_so_frustrated_and_lost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-so-frustrated-and-lost.1563602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563602

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