Need major inner game advice

TrustBustin · 2026-05-12T22:37:34+00:00

I had a friend like you who had everything he needed except for confidence. He fixed a lot of this by going on Omegle and talking to random people for hours every night. Weird method but it seemed to work on him

Confidence can only be gained through doing. So force yourself to act, go on dates and you’ll eventually get more and more charismatic. If you need a more controlled environment there’s nothing wrong with doing the Omegle Method

Special_Rice9539 · 2026-05-13T01:14:29+00:00

I go out with outer game guys and I see how it’s inferior to the inner game guys, because the vibe’s off. But my problem with “inner game” is it’s not that actionable. “Just be confident bro.”

You can attempt identity-level change from multiple angles. Cold-showers train you to overcome resistance to jumping into an uncomfortable situation then sitting with your panic response, similar to how your nervous system feels with approaching.

Humiliation rituals: go out dressed like an idiot or take an insecurity and broadcast it so you stop taking yourself seriously. A big source of approach anxiety is not wanting to harm your self-image of being a cool guy and feeling like a loser, so you have to break down that ego.

Salsa dancing or any other class where you’re forced to interact with women and get desensitized to that.

Improv, theatre, open mic comedy. Get used to being the centre of attention and dealing with social pressure, while also learning how to be engaging and expressive.

Meditation: trains you to calm the anxious thoughts. Yoga helps relax and release those neurotic holding patterns there affect your mental state.

Then obviously hitting the gym, building a supportive social circle, doing hobbies you enjoy, wearing nice clothes, making a lot of money all help. You should be doing that anyways, but that’s like telling someone to eat breakfast. Who tf doesn’t already go to the gym in 2026?

The other angle is learning about frame and social conditioning and how you’re brainwashed into thinking you’re inferior, when in reality your value as a man is much rarer and harder to cultivate than being a hot girl. That comes from going out, interacting with women, and seeing how they try to impose a frame on you that you’re the loser selling yourself to them. It’s a shit-test that you learn to stop buying into.

abcsofattraction · 2026-05-13T03:12:59+00:00

What you're describing maps to all three layers of the Inner Game Iceberg.

The surface layer is state. Your moment-to-moment confidence when you're with a woman or trying to approach. State is the easiest layer to regulate because your body and your emotions can shift it within minutes. Two minutes of power posing, controlled breathing, deliberate eye contact. Your body affects your emotions, your emotions affect your mind. State work is what most "grow a pair" advice points at and it has real value, but it's the top of the iceberg.

The middle layer is temperament. This is your longer-term emotional mood shaped by lifestyle. Sleep, exercise, sunlight, social contact, the people you spend time with, whether you're doing work that drains you or fills you. The fact that you spent your teens working part-time while doing school full-time and don't have a strong social baseline matters here. Your temperament was shaped by years of hard work and limited play, which is a high-achievement pattern but also a temperament that defaults to self-criticism. Temperament shifts over months, not minutes.

The deepest layer is societal conditioning and identity. The gap you're describing where you "know you should feel good but don't know how" lives here. You've absorbed standards for what should make you confident (looks, fitness, money, career) and you've achieved them, but the internal narrative didn't update. That gap is identity-level work and it takes the longest to shift but pays out the most.

Full breakdown of all three layers and how to work on each one is in my Inner Game Iceberg article.

The pair you're trying to grow is already there. Your conditioning just doesn't let you feel it yet.

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-05-13T07:54:19+00:00

Just accept. There is nothing wrong with not being an outgoing person and not flirting. If you'd like to see a change you can, but don't do it because you think you have to.

AlvaroUrdaneta · 2026-05-13T11:11:51+00:00

You sound like someone who has learned to measure himself by output: work harder, achieve more, get ahead, stay disciplined. That mindset can build a strong life, but it does not automatically create inner calm.

Confidence is not just knowing you are attractive, fit, smart, or ambitious. It is feeling at ease in your own skin even when you are not proving anything.

That may be the part you missed.

You spent much of your teen years working and carrying responsibility. While other people were experimenting socially, being awkward, flirting badly, and learning through trial and error, you were focused on survival and progress. So now you have a lot going for you on paper, but part of you still feels tense, self-critical, and like you need to perform.

That is why “just grow a pair” is probably not the full answer.

Yes, becoming more bold will help. But if you force it from a place of self-attack, you may just become harder on yourself every time you are not perfectly confident.

The deeper shift is learning to stop treating confidence like another achievement you must earn. You already have evidence that you are capable. What you need now is more permission to relax, be imperfect, and take up space without judging yourself every second.

In dating, that matters a lot. People connect more with grounded energy than with a résumé.

You do not need to become loud or extroverted. You need to become less controlled by the fear of not being enough.

Feel free to message me if you have questions, dms open

Warm-Fun5226 · 2026-05-13T18:07:12+00:00

I feel you, I struggled with this for a while too. It may seem counterintuitive but the best way to grow 5ths skills at first is really to just stop overthinking. The biggest mistake is that people imagine that you have to get everything right off the bat and it needs to be perfect the first try. You build social skills through practice and taking those first steps is essential. There are definitely ways to push yourself to go out there and build skills especially by being held accountable. My best advice is trying the Shawty app to gain motivation and track progress as well as insights to improve. You got this man and if as someone who has been in your shoes, if u have any questions feel free to ask

Title	Need major inner game advice
Author	iheartcommunism69420
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	May 12, 2026 9:33 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tbfi0r/need_major_inner_game_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-major-inner-game-advice.1580273 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580273

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