24/female/violent

cmdcharco · 2012-12-09T22:31:38+00:00

Sorry to hear about you upbringing. It is good that you understand you have problems but i would say go to a real doctor and get them to recommend a therapist.

I would also suggest that reddit is not the best place to get medical/psychological advice/help. (its one of the rules in askscience for a reason)

bashar_al_assad · 2012-12-09T21:33:16+00:00

Remember that they're all people, just like you.

You don't deserve to be hit, and nor do they.

typhonblue · 2012-12-09T21:36:16+00:00

You're using your anger as a way of entertaining yourself and you need to adjust your sensitivity to lack of stimulation downward.

Get rid of all stimulants. Learn to meditate.

bucketh3ad · 2012-12-09T22:24:38+00:00

If you literally cannot control your behavior, then seek out an anger management support group. Surround yourself with people who have experience overcoming these feelings and actions, and it will be a lot easier for you to find the resources you need.

In the meantime, remember that no matter how another person's behavior makes you feel, your feelings are your responsibility.

dinky_hawker · 2012-12-09T22:54:24+00:00

I am here to say I am not a victim, I am an abuser.

admitting this is a positive step. Now, get counseling.

don't engage in public self-flagellation. It may feel appropriate for a time, but it's really not helpful to the victim(s) or to you. Just get counseling.

This is not the place for counseling.

shonmao · 2012-12-09T22:55:55+00:00

Perhaps look into animal training. As in learn to train animals. Find instructors and philosophies that allow you to see escalation for getting what you want, then apply to human beings.

One model is called AIDE (Ask, Insist, Demand, Enforce). A related book resource I'm reading right now is called, "Don't Shoot the Dog"

Perhaps you should look into martial arts or shooting believe it or not.

Find good instructors that give you instruction in force escalation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_escalation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Use_of_force_continuum

By giving yourself a bunch of alternatives to violence and a spectrum go go with, you won't have to go to violence as often.

Finally this will take courage and practice. You will have to catch yourself going to violence and step to the appropriate level. This will be on top of counseling which you may have to try for awhile in order to find someone who will help you.

Good luck.

Bukkake_Monster · 2012-12-10T07:32:38+00:00

Do some yoga and meditation.

I am being completely serious right now.

MechPlasma · 2012-12-09T22:51:17+00:00

http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-anger-management-tips-internet-could-really-use/

This might help.

Other than that, though, I'm not sure what I can help you with. Acting on anger is so... foreign to me. The worst I would get is where I rush what I'm saying, so I don't think things through enough - but I don't think I ever act out on spite.

Oh, one thing though: taking out your anger on inanimate objects? Doesn't actually help. It makes the problem worse instead. See: http://www.cracked.com/article/85_6-bullshit-facts-about-psychology-that-everyone-believes/

leetbix · 2012-12-09T23:00:51+00:00

I would look into alcohol counseling too as alarm bells started ringing when you said 'bar fights'. Take some social/personality problems, throw some alcohol into the mix, you got a shitstorm stew goin'.

baskandpurr · 2012-12-10T02:44:26+00:00

I sympathise with you, I have a similar problem, though it doesn't sound nearly as difficult as yours. It lasts for days when it starts, it can get to the point where I can't do anything else other than be angry. I get crazy angry, come out with a long stream of the foulest abuse I can, but its not enough. I take it out on things and hate people but I never get angry at people, never fight or harm anyone else. I just keep away from people, guess men are taught to restrain their anger from a young age. I'd feel ashamed talking about it to anyone I know, its a side of me that people never see.

This isn't exactly a Mens Rights thing. Being an angry person is not a specifically male problem. However, you might find it hard to get help. People might not take you seriously because you're female. I have appointments with a counsellor, don't know if I will go through with them or not. I also considered taking up a physical activity, something that involves aggression and hitting things. Kendo was a possibility. Exercise helps a lot, I cycle 40ish miles per week.

I think it stems back to grief in my case. My partner died a few years back, it was slow and cruel. I tried to help her and couldn't. It sounds like your violence is rooted in childhood which I guess is a much harder thing to fix. I wish I could be more help, if I knew how to fix you I would have fixed myself by now.

borderlinebadger · 2012-12-10T04:34:07+00:00

Do not get in another relationship until you have got your shit together.

genno334 · 2012-12-10T09:58:22+00:00

This is a very unique thread. It's very uncommon that an "abuser" would step forward for fear of persecution. I'm also impressed that there hasn't been any so far, neither. (In PM, perhaps?)

I'd like to give you some advice that I have my fiancee when I first met her. I'm uncannily calm most days. There are days I want to rip the throat out of the neighbors upstairs, but we all have days.

The advice that I can endow upon you is: Stare at a wall.

It may sound like it doesn't work, but staring at a wall is a great relaxer and allows you to contemplate your feelings. Also, when staring at the wall ask yourself, Will I really make a difference?

rightsbot · 2012-12-09T21:28:18+00:00

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2012-12-10T02:40:03+00:00

This might be a good place to start.

http://www.shrink4men.com/

tyciol · 2012-12-10T05:18:07+00:00

a lot of topics about female on male violence in this section and I am here to say I am not a victim, I am an abuser. my new living situation is borderline escalated. It makes me hate my life and hate the people I target. please help me stop being an abuser.

Um... so who are you targetting and why do you think you're doing it?

SlimThugga · 2012-12-09T23:04:00+00:00

Try the Snoop Lion method. 81 blunts a day. Or maybe you have estrogen dominance, or a little too much testosterone or something....

theegrimrobe · 2012-12-10T09:56:00+00:00

Anger is all about how it is delt with .. I had very bad bullying problems at school i used to deal with it by occasionally cornering one or another of the worst ones and leathering the shit out of them .. I used to as an adult have quite bad anger management issues ive delt with those with counseling ... Which is good as i can bench 100kg and used to practise taekwando, the damage i could do now is some of what keeps me calm --- that said martial arts can be a good outlet for anger and it teaches you good breathing techniques and also other discapline.

Lyonette · 2012-12-09T22:56:14+00:00

Why are you coming to men's rights for help as a female abuser? Seek intense (at least weekly) therapy immediately to help with your underlying issues as well as your abusive behavior. If you google "resources for abusers" you will find more help there.

Title	24/female/violent
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	38
Date	December 9, 2012 9:27 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14kdbx/24femaleviolent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/24femaleviolent.1007070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1007070

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