In your opinion, why do women who are cheated on get more sympathy than men?

Comowl · 2012-09-20T14:30:26+00:00

Gender empathy gap.

Society rewards female selfishness.

Perception that female cheaters are the result of male failure. (sexually inadequate)

Perception that male cheaters are the result of their own failure. (lack of sexual restraint)

ToraZalinto · 2012-09-20T14:34:38+00:00

I would assume it's due to the general perception that a man who cheats is just looking for more sex. Whereas a woman only cheats because her partner isn't giving her the attention she needs. Even though that's the same leading "reason" for cheating on the male side of things as well. People still think all men think about is sex. And that's the only thing they want. I've gotten on my fiance's case before when she was chastising a man from the Sex and the City movie. Basically one of the couples in the movie was having a rough time. The wife was spending almost all her energy on work and other aspects of her life and was not giving her husband the attention and affection that he needs. After 6 months of forced celibacy he eventually cheats. She kicks him out immediately and, from what I know (I was told all this second hand) lays all the blame at his feet. She's regarded as this poor hard working woman who's husband couldn't keep it in his pants. However I've seen my share of lifetime and hallmark movies that reverse the genders and regard the husband as a workaholic who couldn't see to his poor wife's needs.

2012-09-20T14:29:51+00:00

Because women get more sympathy about stuff in general?

Just a wild stab.

girlwriteswhat · 2012-09-20T14:38:12+00:00

I'll agree with a gender empathy gap. Women typically receive more sympathy than men in any situation. Even to the point that people will make up excuses for a woman's shortcomings. Penn State (I believe) did a study that showed men are held to a higher standard than women in the workplace and are viewed more negatively when they fail. I'd go as far to say this extends to most situations or, at least, this one.

rottingchrist · 2012-09-20T14:59:23+00:00

Because men have agency.

Men who find themselves in a bad situation landed themselves there by fucking something up.

To women, bad things just happen. Nothing they can do about it.

You have more sympathy for someone who is helpless than someone who invited his troubles.

A man who got cheated on obviously fucked up somewhere by allowing another man to woo his partner. If he had been good enough that would have never happened. His wife could do nothing because how can she stay with some guy who isn't good enough? She wanted to stay. So much. But she can't because she has no agency. He does. He forced her away. He perpetrated her cheating. And she had to accept it.

A woman who got cheated on did nothing wrong. She has no agency. She cannot stop the guy from cheating. She's a victim.

Victims get the sympathy. Perpetrators the guilt.

CaveExplorer · 2012-09-20T14:53:47+00:00

Because movies always portray the female cheater as having no other alternative while the male is always a scumbag degenerate who never deserved her in the first place.

2012-09-20T19:48:48+00:00

Patriarchy!

cthulufunk · 2012-09-20T19:30:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

campushippo · 2012-09-20T14:49:38+00:00

Culture. Human history. Together they shape how people in large groups "think". Women receive more sympathy than men for cheating in Western culture. You'll find the opposite in the Middle East.

*Before anyone goes off on some tirade about how we can't exploit the abuse of women in the Middle East to show how women are mistreated and pretend it applies here blah blah blah - I wasn't. Just noting that our culture is to blame for this way of thinking and that other cultures may not conform to ours.

Kastoli · 2012-09-21T10:59:38+00:00

They don't from me.

celibacy4life · 2012-09-21T17:17:10+00:00

Women are basically damsels in distress until proven otherwise. Men who are cuckolded aren't respected.

Ma99ie · 2012-09-20T15:33:52+00:00

Because women back women, no matter how repulsive their behavior. Look at the women who mutilate or murder men. They are cheered on. Guys don't back each other up. That is why this sub-reddit exists.

Adrewmc · 2012-09-20T15:41:43+00:00

Yeah I've noticed in my own life that women cheat on guys more too. The only difference is how a girl will cheat with one other guy and the guy will just sleep around with several. The thing is that I know tons of girls that have cheated on every bf they had and I just can't say the same for the guys I know, well there are some man whore out there but they are usually to stupid to know what they are doing.

nwz123 · 2012-09-20T16:56:45+00:00

Because men get blamed for it since they "didn't leave" or "weren't wise enough" or "need to toughen up AND leave her", etc. She's written off as an abhorrent individual ("NAWALT) and then if the guy doesn't like this advice, he's a jerk. He also can't respond to the act of being cheated on in any way outside the approved and expected range of responses society thinks men ought to display (re: emasculated; not allowed to feel intense emotions, or else they're labeled unauthentic or over-the-top..in other words, illegitimate since they make people feel "uncomfortable", meanwhile a woman can rage any way she likes, and people ignore it, write it off as "hysteria" or try and quell the tantrum). Etc. I could go on, but I won't. Men are told to "man up" when they are the victims, women aren't. That's why.

ignatiusloyola · 2012-09-20T17:04:45+00:00

Female solidarity/chauvinism gives the woman-woman sympathy.

Men who want to get in the good graces of women by showing support gives the man-woman sympathy.

Crackerjacksurgeon · 2012-09-20T23:01:03+00:00

Perception hasn't caught up to reality. Feminism was lightning fast by social change standards. Men are still perceived to have the power and initiative in relationships, so it must be their fault.

mayonesa · 2012-09-20T23:09:02+00:00

BECAUSE MEN ARE DOGS, BRO!

Some trendy belief or another.

southernasshole · 2012-09-21T06:19:10+00:00

Humans have an innate and instinctual female bias.

Feminine selfishness is rewarded, and anything to do with the interest of the well being of males is either ignored, or punished.

I'd say your average person, and 99% of feminists are by nature misandric.

r_rships_account · 2012-09-23T09:50:59+00:00

Of course.

She cheated on you because you're an asshole. You cheated on her because you're an asshole.

APock · 2012-09-20T17:09:16+00:00

Simply put: because they're woman.

It's like that common notion that if a man cheats he's a pig, but if a woman cheats she was unhappy, or he was abusive, etc..

It's pretty much accepted that woman are never to be guilty of anything in society's eyes, so when they do something wrong either people don't see them as guilty, or they just get more sympathy.

cthulufunk · 2012-09-20T17:37:11+00:00

If a guy cheats: He is a selfish scumbag who care not for the feelings of his SO

If a girl cheats: She is exploring her options, seeing what else is out there for her, she found someone "who makes her slightly happier"

2012-09-20T20:00:20+00:00

Because they get more sympathy in every situation ever.

mysteries_of_magnets · 2012-09-20T15:32:40+00:00

This is something I've never really seen. Usually I see the opposite (but still sexist) reaction.

What I usually see is when a womans boyfriend cheats on her, she gets laughed at for being a dumb whore and not realizing what a douchebag she was dating beforehand, while a man who is cheated on is a poor sap who was manipulated by a she devil.

I think we can all agree that if you commit to a relationship and then cheat, fuck you, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. I've yet to have a girlfriend who didn't cheat on me, so it's rather difficult for me to remain neutral admittedly

NaplesBaitMan · 2012-09-20T16:13:50+00:00

Because when guys cheat we're assholes and when women cheat its something they guy did that drove them to it. It's never their fault. Ever.

OuiCrudites · 2012-09-21T00:45:01+00:00

Because women are perceived as not fully responsible for their actions. If they cheated, it's because their current man made them do it. Or, the wily seducer made her do it.

2012-09-20T20:16:25+00:00

Girl Writes What spent a bit of time talking about possible reasons for women being easier to sympathize with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C46rSIfTum4&feature=plcp

its a bit long and I doubt it's a complete explanation of such a complex issue, but it does begin to explain some of the sympathy/empathy gap.

Spedtastic · 2012-09-20T16:46:47+00:00

In my opinion they don't.

2012-09-20T18:58:15+00:00

Fairly obvious. There is a certain level of societal expectation that all men if given the opportunity will probably cheat, therefore it can't possibly have anything to do with the woman being horrible since it's just What Men Do, therefore she seems very sympathetic. If a man gets cheated on, there's an undertone of contempt to the sympathy, which dilutes it.

rightsbot · 2012-09-20T14:20:17+00:00

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2012-09-20T16:33:37+00:00

Women truly believe that we have the choice and control of the partner we choose. Women are the to-be-chosen and we have so many options around us to choose from therefore we should be happy with the choice we have made.

ch00d · 2012-09-20T19:58:24+00:00

A couple years ago, my senior year of high school, I found out my gf was cheating on me. I broke up with her right then, and people called me an asshole by her friends and my friends because it was the day of prom.

2012-09-20T21:54:46+00:00

Because of the provider roll forced upon men; if she cheated, he wasn't doing his job; if he cheats, he's not doing his job, and was probably just using her for sex.

2012-09-20T23:16:01+00:00

same reason women get more sympathy pretty much everywhere else

OuiCrudites · 2012-09-20T15:53:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SCCROW · 2012-09-20T16:49:25+00:00

The real question is: why do women getting cheated on get more pissed off than men being cheated on (in the general population).

Title	In your opinion, why do women who are cheated on get more sympathy than men?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	53
Comments	75
Date	September 20, 2012 2:18 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/106xyr/in_your_opinion_why_do_women_who_are_cheated_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/in-your-opinion-why-do-women-who-are-cheated-on.1013165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1013165

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