Denied seeing my son ... need advice

i_want_to_see_my_son · 2012-02-24T05:01:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

hardwarequestions · 2012-02-24T04:39:05+00:00

golden uterus syndrome strikes again...

you, the kid's father, can't possibly make decisions about the kid's life. only the mother can, she knows, instinctively, what's right for the kid.

the kid isn't even yours. it's HERS! you were just something she needed to make it.

so fucked up.

use that email against her. get your lawyer to show the judge how it highlights her instability and irrationality. how she's encouraging a child's father to abandon said child. hoiw she's a MASSIVE bitch.

good luck.

EDIT: if this is real, post it to /wtf, /pics/, and any other subreddit you feel like. people need to see this crazy shit.

Demonspawn · 2012-02-24T04:28:52+00:00

Copy of Post:

(Illinois)

This is really hard for me to type.

My last memories of my five-year-old (now six, but that's how I remember him last) son are of him smiling at me. Not even four years ago, we were all at Disneyworld enjoying the fireworks celebration. Now, every Disney song that plays paints his face right in front of me. His last words to me were "I love you daddy and I'll see you next time."

I'm a recently divorced father living in Illinois that hasn't seen his son for almost two years.

Slightly after the divorce, which includes "liberal visitation," my ex and I have been very cordial with each other where my son was visiting every other weekend.

After she found someone else, she has distanced herself from me - including our son. I want everything for my son, which includes a stable family. So, I thought this was good thing - even though I bit my lip.

Shortly after that, she moved away a considerable distance (about 75 miles away), but the visitations continued.

It only took a few months until our ties were severed. "You hurt **** [son's name]...and "I don't want you in his life," she pronounced. I was, apparently, a "bad influence." It was her "perfect" life that I was "ruining." She even, recently, told me to stop my child support because she wants me out of "her" life.

Jesus, this is hard.

Apparently I've "let him stay up past his bed time on the weekends, and ... fed him treats...[where] I wasn't supposed to."

I didn't see my son everyday, so sometimes I let him stay up with me watching cartoons. I often visited my parents where they spoiled him with sweets. I thought this was normal and well within the realms of parenting given the circumstances.

I won't bore you with the details. After countless attempts to see my son, she has derailed me. Emails, text messages, and court appearances later, I'm at the exact stop.

We are now in a court mandated mediation phase, which she has cancelled at first due to a "craft fair." She can't be contacted due to "things." She keeps rescheduling our initial mediation session.

This circle keeps on spinning and spinning.

I need advice. I have consulted with my current lawyer, and I was told that this is the "process."

Two years without seeing my son is the process? I am a loving and giving and supportive father, and this is what it has come down to?

I don't want to believe it.

What can be done here?

This new email (about 1 day old) has appeared: letter

PuppyPuppies · 2012-02-24T06:18:01+00:00

Emails, text messages, and court appearances later, I'm at the exact stop.

Save these. Her letter says you haven't attempted to contact your son. Show the judge that that is a lie. If she's lying about all of these things, you need to save all the evidence that makes that apparent.

I wish I had more to say that was helpful. Good luck.

Demonspawn · 2012-02-24T04:30:57+00:00

1: Tell your lawyer about the letter and have him file with the courts NOW preventing her from moving. Fighting it now is possible, fighting it after the fact is a lost cause.

2012-02-24T04:43:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for you sir. This is really very very sad. I wish you the best.

picopallasi · 2012-02-24T06:03:53+00:00

I assume your divorce included paying monthly child support. If this is the case, she's abdicating a legal contract. She's abdicating it either way.

eskachig · 2012-02-24T06:21:03+00:00

/MR is heartbreaking today :(

truthjusticeca · 2012-02-24T04:27:16+00:00

I feel so bad for you man. She wants you out of his life and there's not much you can do to stop her if she's persistent. Get as much visitation as possible, even if it is only on holidays.

mikesteane · 2012-02-24T09:04:23+00:00

For two reasons, she would be wise to cooperate with you. 1. She would like her son to be well-adjusted and this is more likely when he has contact with his real father. 2. When he is old enough, he will know that she, and not you, was resposible for his father not being in his life and he will blame her with a vengeance. You might like to suggest that to her.

drockers · 2012-02-24T09:14:54+00:00

I'm really sorry this is happening to your son and you. As the son of a mother who was a giant cunt through the divorce, I know how hard it was on my father. But I was of an age where I could see my father whenever I wanted, but we still didn't see each other as often as I would have liked.

You son is 6 years old he's not about to forget you. Just keep fighting to see him, I'm not a lawyer and I don't know what is and isn't legal. But talk to yours and ask him about setting up an email or skype account for him so you can talk more often. Having that constant remind of his real father will have him put pressure on your Ex to stop being so vindictive and you may get more visits.

Torquemada1970 · 2012-02-24T14:56:10+00:00

Because after all, there couldn't possibly be any jobs between their location and 800 miles away...with bonus points for the email where she does her best to give the impression that you only have one course of action which has already been decided and that there's nothing you can do about it.

Hang in there, dude.

ss_camaro · 2012-02-24T16:13:36+00:00

I have consulted with my current lawyer, and I was told that this is the "process."

This is why I don't sponsor lawyers. You don't need to pay someone to tell you the system is broke. It's like paying an automechanic to adjust the brakes on a totaled vehicle.

2012-02-24T18:31:54+00:00

Hey. As a child of seperation. My Mum and Gran decided that my Father could no longer see me (they suspected child abuse). I did not see my father from 5years to 19years old. I asked him about the allegations. he said they were not true. I don't know who to believe.

I believe my Gran was trying to protect me. But here lies my point. A child shouldn't have to go without their father. Ever. As his daughter I had a right to see him. When we finally met up he looked so hurt and so destroyed over all the years he missed. All I can say is that you have to keep fighting. This isn't fair. A new family for her is never going to relace who his dad is.

I feel so horrible for you. I know how much it hurt my Dad. I am so sorry this is happening. Keep fighting. Please never believe the idea in her email that fighting for him is 'ruining their lives'. Because it isn't.

You have the right to your son! My thoughts are with you

TheRealPariah · 2012-02-24T21:25:22+00:00

File for shared parenting. Let this be a lesson: always get a written agreement for custody arrangements after a divorce.

If you stop paying child support, you will lose.

mtux96 · 2012-02-25T02:07:47+00:00

That was one extremely "lets guilt you" letter that I have ever read. She sounds extremely manipulative and is using terms and phrases to get the OP to not take her to court.

"Why would you force a child and his family to live uncomfortably and unhappy and have us all wasting time and our money dragging this through court?"

IMO, she is clearly trying to distance him out of his son's life as if he is not "family." And is trying to claim going to court will just be a waste and that he shouldn't do it.

"You know it's the right thing."

"Justification" for him to let her get her way.

"You don't need to feel ashamed or embarrassed because you are giving him the best thing you could."

Once again, another attempt to "justify" what she wants. She clearly does not possibly get it. I doubt this has to deal with feeling ashamed or embarrassed but rather actually wanting to see one's son.

To me, it sounds like she wants a perfect life and forget what she sees as a past mistake as if it never happened and wants her new man to be the father and totally disregard the son's real father because it doesn't fit her ideal fairy tale family. Which is why she was becoming more distant and trying to distance the son away from his real father after she met a new man.

Of course, in court his son will probably agree with his mom, because who really know what the mother had told him. Personally, I was told my dad was a deadbeat and that my mom didn't know where he was. So I grew up thinking my father was a deadbeat and wanted nothing to do with me. It wasn't until later when I found out that my father was sending her child support along with money for my brother and myself(which we never saw).

2012-02-24T07:33:07+00:00

Why did you stop paying child support without getting written confirmation from her that SHE did not want to stop it?

Why did you not have ANY solid proof of her asking you to leave them alone? Now its only your word against hers.

Title	Denied seeing my son ... need advice
Author	i_want_to_see_my_son
Upvotes	69
Comments	35
Date	February 24, 2012 4:18 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/q3lyw/denied_seeing_my_son_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/denied-seeing-my-son-need-advice.1027140 https://theredarchive.com/post/1027140

Comments

1: Tell your lawyer about the letter and have him file with the courts NOW preventing her from moving. Fighting it now is possible, fighting it after the fact is a lost cause.