Advice columnist helps spinster rationalize her hypergamy and unwillingness to settle.

Malkor · 2011-07-25T13:22:48+00:00

Meh. I have no problem with her life-choice and don't really care about any rationalization of it. According to some on this sub-reddit, she did some random unknown guy a favor by not divorcing him.

But now you are living with the consequences. You are paying the cost of being true to yourself.

There are a few hints of the truth within all the foofy things. Nothing wrong with being alone, you just have to find some purpose in life that isn't related to "conventional" mom/dad/2.5 kids/dog/house.

kanuk876 · 2011-07-25T15:22:36+00:00

Not directly /r/MR related, but this part stuck out:

...it is time for you to begin a committed search for meaning in your life. How do you do that? Find someone who can initiate you into the study of your own life. Begin looking for this person.

The person you need is already present in your life: you. But that person needs your help to come fully into life.

People got hurt by the feminist disaster wagon by letting other people think for them. The solution is not to find a different disaster wagon to ride.

The solution is to start thinking for yourself.

kanuk876 · 2011-07-25T15:25:20+00:00

My thought regarding all these 40-something childless women: welcome to life as a man, including the end-of-your-genetic-line.

Geneticists say that approx. 80% of women and 40% of men who existed have living descendants today. Feminism is trying to reduce the female rate down to 40% alongside men.

2011-07-25T16:57:38+00:00

I was never willing to settle. I wanted a husband who was my equal, whom I was compatible with, and whom I could love and respect with all of my heart, as he would me.

I think the "not willing to settle" is a counter-productive attitude for both women and men, as any major life decision involves compromise and hence 'settling'. Being willing to settle is a sign of maturity and rationality.

You have to take advantage of the best options that are available to you at the time and place where you are. If you wait for what you consider the ideal, you end up missing the bus like this woman.

That said, her list of what she wants in a mate sounds entirely reasonable. I suspect that there might be a bigger problem here than she admits to, and that her idea of a man who she would consider her equal is rather unobtainable. When many women say 'equal' they really mean 'better'. And what an "educated, cosmopolitan, responsible and self-sufficient" woman wants is a man who is all that and more. And there aren't a lot of those to go around.

Greekfire · 2011-07-25T13:53:13+00:00

I don't see any misandry in the article, why the link?

ThePigman · 2011-07-26T02:05:21+00:00

"I have the usual list of attributes ... attractive, kind, quite intelligent and with a warm and loving heart. I'm educated, cosmopolitan, responsible and self-sufficient ..."

She left out "modest"...

Palpz · 2011-07-25T23:12:21+00:00

Nice find. I've crossposted it to r/AdviceColumnists. Feel free to join us if you're a fan.

Demonspawn · 2011-07-25T15:53:48+00:00

HITTING THE WALL

I was thinking about the chicks that I used to let into my life before I turned 40. At the time they would say things that went over the top of my head. I hadn't really thought about it until now.

They would say things like "I thought I would be retired by now" meaning married, "I'm tired of waiting for my prince to show up" meaning she would settle for any man now, "I can't see myself doing this the rest of my life" meaning work. The way they said it was note worthy. They had a sense of resignation. Like they realized the game was over and this was it for them. Life was going to be a grind from here on out. Nothing to look forward to. Like they hit a wall.

Now none of that clicked with me because my life was just getting started. Retirement is the last thing on my mind, I'm not some fag looking for a prince and I can see myself working the rest of my life. It's just how men are. We accept the fact that we will work until we drop dead. Actually we don't have a problem with that because our work is who we are.

Not so with chicks. They are not defined by what they do as much as how they look and whether they are married or not, with or without children. When they are young and getting attention they see work as a means to an end. A way to kill time until prince charming comes to the rescue. So they buy into the feminist lie of independence and empowerment squandering their youth on worthless college degrees, careers and endless sex partners.

They start to panic in their 30s as the attention fades, the nice guys have turned into jerks banging away at the younger empowered/independent chicks that have just come out on the market. When they hit 40 it all comes crashing down on them. They finally realized no one is coming to rescue them. They are going to work until they drop dead just like a man does. This is not what feminism had promised them.

Don't try telling any of this to a young feminist. They will throw everything at you and the kitchen sink. "You hate women" "You want to keep women barefoot and pregnant" "You can't handle women that don't need you" so on. I'm ok with all that. I have seen what time does to them. The joke is on them.

My point is to give you younger men a heads up out there. Life gets better for you as you get older while a chicks life gets worse. Unless you are a jerk and a player you will be getting ignored by these chicks now but later on you will be doing everything in your power to scrape them off of you to make room for the younger ones. Most of you have not learned how to be a jerk or a player and you really don't want to waste your time on it. Jerks and players only pretend to be something they are not. They all deserve each other. You have better things to do.

You want to focus on your goals and your work. As you get better at your work they will come after you. Time is on your side not theirs. You will be in the drivers seat. You will be the one doing the picking and choosing. Believe me you will be doing a lot of dumping. Especially when she starts blabbering about how all the guys in her life were jerks. You don't want that STD infected slut in your life.

The only thing keeping you from a happy successful life is getting involved in a relationship to early. I see it all around me. The married guys can't keep up. They have to check in with mommy wife for permission to do anything. The opportunities pass them by in my favor because the wife has them tied down too often.

In fact I have heard it from them that their wife hates me. The chicks don't even know me and they hate me. All because I try to clue in those dumb asses which makes it harder for the wife to manipulate them. So another layer of rules gets thrown on top of them. No going on trips with me allowed. You know what happens? Their dumb asses get left at home while I move up, again.

You can learn from other men's mistakes. You do not have to experience them for yourself. I know most of you don't believe that. You will get married, shack up or oops accidentally get your girlfriend pregnant before you believe what I am telling you. Then you will end up on one of these so called men's rights forums or boards crying about how unfair the system is. As if you had no part to play in the signing away of said rights you will declare that men should form a movement to get these unfair laws changed. You will even send them money which they will gladly relieve you of while nothing changes. You will stand on top of buildings and bridges in super hero costumes while nothing changes. You may even go on equal parenting bike treks while nothing changes. You will do everything in the world other than acknowledge that you have become a host for an army of parasites by your own choosing. Did not matter that you were warned. Did not matter that you had your shot at freedom. You wanted to be a slave. Now you want other men to go down with you. Misery loves company I guess.

Some of you though will listen. You will focus on your work becoming better and better at it as your life gets better and better. Then one day as you hit 40, as you hit your stride in life, you will also hear the dull thud of some 40 year old spinster hitting the wall. The light will go off in your head. That dude Rex Patriarch was right. All those years ago he said this would happen. I'm glad I listened. Yeah, it is good to be the king.

ManThoughts · 2011-07-25T13:11:40+00:00

This is a pretty standard story of a woman who never got married because no man was worthy of her golden vagina. Now she's past her sell-by date, and regretful. She is close to making an important realization about her choices. You can see the rationalization hamster dying, and some logic start to enter her consciousness. But the advice columnist (Cary Tennis) nurses her rationalization hamster back to life. When I read Cary's response to her, I imagined him giving CPR to her rationalization hamster and then feeding it carrots in a hospital bed afterwards.

Title	Advice columnist helps spinster rationalize her hypergamy and unwillingness to settle.
Author	ManThoughts
Upvotes	0
Comments	44
Date	July 25, 2011 1:07 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/iz54w/advice_columnist_helps_spinster_rationalize_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/advice-columnist-helps-spinster-rationalize-her.1036771 https://theredarchive.com/post/1036771

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