How should we respond to something like this? Really, I'm asking you guys a question.

rmbarnes · 2009-06-14T11:58:49+00:00

What really struck me about this article is the fact that the author seems to think that it's the responsibility of men to protect woman when they are vulnerable because they've drunk too much.

By protect I don't mean just not raping them. That's not so much a responsibility as just not commiting a criminal act. By protect I mean making sure they get home OK so that no one else can harm them.

This goes back to the age old idea of woman needing the protection of men. Doesn't this just fly in the face of what feminists usually tell us?

Also, who's responsibility is it to make sure I get home OK after I've (through my own choice) drunk too much? Forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought men were statistically much more likely to be the victims of violent crime, with rape being a subset of all violent crime.

This reminds me of how unfair I thought it was that at University the Student Union funded a late night minibus service for woman only to take them home from town after a night out. Men had to walk home or pay for a cab.

xChrisk · 2009-06-14T16:28:14+00:00

I would go ahead and just click the "Yes, I am at least 14 years old" button.

It's OK we won't tell on you. Your secret is safe with us.

etherspirit · 2009-06-14T07:38:32+00:00

Feminists hate misogyny and rape. So they bully good men into doing things that they think will reduce these things. Now I'm not against feminists, but we don't have to agree to what they tell us we should do. It's not anti-women to disagree with women and their ideas on how to solve a problem.

1) What do we say in response to something like this that doesn't make us look childish or mean?

2) What should we be doing about misogyny and female rape?

wonkifier · 2009-06-14T17:19:06+00:00

Why aren't there more stories of "the guy who got me home when I was seriously drunk and my boyfriend wasn't looking out for me"?

Because it happens so often it's part of the background, so people in general don't notice?

GorillaJ · 2009-06-14T20:22:14+00:00

Honestly, I don't know how to respond to anything there. The amount of misguided hate is mind-boggling, and the rampant ideas that it's a man's duty to control the behavior of other men but women are under no obligation whatsoever to keep themselves out of risky situations is terrible. That entire blog is just a lot of fist pumping and "right on, sister", with everyone circle-jerking this man-hating and overwhelmingly irrational paranoia that I don't think any reasonable response you could possibly offer would be taken well.

While it won't help to solve the problem at all, the only thing I can advise anyone reading that to do is just close the tab. There's no easy response to blind hate and unfounded paranoia.

Sawta · 2009-06-14T17:19:21+00:00

Why aren't there more stories of "the guy who got me home when I was seriously drunk and my boyfriend wasn't looking out for me"?

You don't get a medal for preventing something that might have happened. It's akin saying "Why aren't there any decent cops out there anymore? I only ever hear about the terrible ones!" What would you expect to make the front page? BREAKING: Cop reads suspect Miranda rights and fills out paperwork properly!! or Cop taser's basket of orphan kitties to death. Horrific pictures on A4.

There are also serious legal problems that you can find yourself in later on if you get known for being the guy that is super up for helping plastered, black-out drunk girls get home, all safe like.

Example: Girl has a severe drinking problem, goes to college party in your dorm and passes out soon after. You wake her up and help her get home after realizing that her friends abandoned her or can't be found. She vaguely remembers this act of kindness, but doesn't consider getting more reliable friends, or drinking less. She's a grown women and can make her own stupid, foolish mistakes, the same as any man; fair enough.

More parties come and go, and you end up having to do the same thing on several other occasions. The party is being thrown at your dorm room and it is on your responsibility to look after the irresponsible. By now, people start to associate you with taking home this particular girl whenever she's drunk, and presumably defenseless.

Then a party comes where you weren't there, and she gets raped. Who do you honestly think the cops going to come looking for first, the 1 of the 30 random guys that were there, or you?

Besides, what the author is asking for seems to make even less sense the more that I think about it. If the above scenario did end up happening to a women, it could still be seen as the fault of the man. After all, he was the one there for her, whenever she was drunk, he should have told her to quit drinking so much, which also could be seen as an insult.

Honestly, I can empathize with what the author is saying, but what she is asking for is simply not reasonable.

WebZen · 2009-06-14T16:11:16+00:00

Serious crimes of all types are underreported. People just don't want to get involved. Rape isn't special that way.

As for the idea that frat parties are dangerous, I'd have to agree that frat parties are "high risk behavior" and I'd warn my daughter along those lines. I wouldn't tell her not to go, I'd warn her not to accept a drink from anyone, we'd discuss ways to guard her drink from being spiked and to limit alcohol consumption, etc.

I've escorted strange women though dark parking garages a couple of times. Another time I happened upon a woman in some dark place (I forget where) and she was so distressed at my presence that I just turned around and left.

Edit: I don't see many women distressed over false rape accusations regardless of how obviously false it was or how sadistic and uncaring the accuser was.

2009-06-14T17:13:18+00:00

Sounds like they should ban women from drinking alcohol. Clearly they cannot be responsible for anything that happens after drinking themselves into a stupor, right?

So much for feminism.. they're looking at men to protect them. Asking "Where are the guys that protect us?" I thought feminists didn't need men for anything.

And keep in mind that this is the mentality you're dealing with there: "It's that most guys are oblivious assholes. It's so much easier to find a woman who's worth my time than a man, because at least I won't have to take the time to enlighten her about how much shit men put women through without even thinking about it."

iggybdawg · 2009-06-14T19:31:45+00:00

Maybe women should just teach girls that getting drunk at a frat house then taking a nap in a frat boy's bed is a bad idea.

I had a couple gut reactions from reading this piece:

I wanted to tell her that most American men have their first rapacious experience on the receiving end, when they get a chunk of their sexual organs cut off at the request of their parents as a baby.
If she's looking for nice men, drunken frat parties are probably the wrong place to look. I might have fit her level of required niceness, but I chose small groups of close friends to get drunk with instead of giant houses full of strangers. Also, she appears to assume most men are pure evil, the kind of assumption that would cause the kind of man she's looking for to steer clear of her. She wants nice men to tell her "here I am!" but instead nice men hide from her to avoid her wrath. I learned in highschool that being an obviously nice guy can cause girls to reject you "oh, you're too nice for me".
A side note to her, if she feels there is too much rape from men to women as a whole, perhaps the easiest solution would be more willing, consensual sex and porn from women to men.

PierceHarlan · 2009-06-15T12:59:35+00:00

I would tell this young woman that the problem of false rape claims is more common than rape in Western Civilization. And if that comment pisses her off, try taking it up with all the men and boys falsely accused of rape that we report on at http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com/

etherspirit · 2009-06-15T01:47:57+00:00

Also FYI, I got this from the Women subreddit.

sabliss · 2009-06-15T15:55:03+00:00

What always strikes me about these sorts of blogs is that a significant portion of the you-go-girl comments and often the author herself, as in this case, go out of their way to point out that they are one of the lucky ones, their husband/brother/father/significant other/male friends would never do anything like that and they are one of the good guys, but...

Well, if every guy you know is not like that, why are you assuming that every guy you don't know is? The answer is simple. Sexism. But, they can't see it, and you can't point it out.

Title	How should we respond to something like this? Really, I'm asking you guys a question.
Author	etherspirit
Upvotes	26
Comments	36
Date	June 14, 2009 7:32 AM UTC (17 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/8sd2f/how_should_we_respond_to_something_like_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-should-we-respond-to-something-like-this.1053813 https://theredarchive.com/post/1053813

Comments

Feminists hate misogyny and rape. So they bully good men into doing things that they think will reduce these things. Now I'm not against feminists, but we don't have to agree to what they tell us we should do. It's not anti-women to disagree with women and their ideas on how to solve a problem.