I am a 26F and I am socially awkward around people of the opposite sex.

SunshineSundress · 2021-08-30T10:18:10+00:00

Of course it’s difficult to talk to men you have a little crush on when you have very little experience talking to men. It feels like a high-stakes situation, and your nervousness/anxiety becomes a positive feedback loop. I was in your exact shoes a few years back.

You need to learn how to talk to people (which is admittedly difficult post-pandemic, but you can work around it). Not just men you’re interested in, and to be honest you shouldn’t start here - it’s too difficult. I’m talking about EVERYONE: men you’re uninterested in, men your parents’ and grandparents’ ages, women, service workers, uber drivers, cashiers, and the stranger standing next to you on the bus. EVERYONE. Start initiating conversations and making small talk with the strangers you cross paths with on a daily basis.

I started with people I was least intimidated by, so women around my age who seemed a bit more homely, and the elderly. It’s still nervewracking at first, but after a few interactions with these people, I realized something: the vast majority of people genuinely enjoy chitchatting with friendly strangers about nothing so long as the interaction is warm and friendly (and not too time-consuming), and that my presence was not something that burdened or annoyed anyone. Once I felt a little more comfortable, I started genuinely asking retail and food service workers about their day (when I previously felt anxious to even tell them my food order), having long conversations with friendly uber drivers and train-seat partners if they gave the impression they wanted to continue to talk, and making friends with my neighbors by remembering the little things they told me and asking them about it.

After all this practice (and trust me, you’ll have to practice A LOT), you start to get an understanding of what topics are acceptable and appropriate vs. what topics aren’t. You’ll learn that it’s probably not in good form to ask people you just met if they have problems with their significant others or unveil your entire life plans on them during the first meeting. You’ll learn that casual, breezy, and lighthearted conversations are how you make a good impression on almost anyone, and you can use that good impression to form a deeper friendship later on.

Once you get really comfortable with your ability to strike up conversations with strangers, then you can start striking up conversations with men. Start with men you’re uninterested in, because your nerves won’t get in the way as much. Don’t lead them on, but do be friendly and warm just like how you talked to all the other strangers. You can ask the guy in front of you in line what he’s ordering, and why he likes it. You can make a joke about how long the readings are to your male classmate. You can goof off a bit with the Trader Joes worker (who is so nice that people started to think they were trained to flirt with customers) about why the Green Goddess Dressing is the most superior creation known to mankind.

Practice this so often that talking to random men doesn’t phase you anymore. Once you can do this with ease, THEN you can start talking to men you’re interested in. To keep the stakes low, just start with cute strangers. If you do get nervous and fumble your words, who cares? He’s a stranger (and he probably thought it was kinda cute anyways)! I’ve always stood by The Art of the Bad Excuse: it’s helped me signal interest to men in a very productive way. I recommend it to all RPWs.

Once you’re comfortable chitchatting with all the cute strangers you come across, then it’s not gonna be such a big leap to meet up with a guy you’re interested for a little hang out or date. Since these interactions are a bit longer, you can get a bit deeper without crossing over into the realm of TMI. Sincerity is key here: ask them about stuff, be an active listener, and engage with what they told you. Share a bit about yourself too - you don’t want it to come off as an interview. Always take the opportunity to make a joke or have a laugh if it presents itself. Keep things light, but don’t shy away from talking about things like passions and desires for the future if they come up organically. The thing about all this work you did to become good at small talk means that you’ve taught yourself how to react to an awkward silence. You’ll know how to change the subject, and what subjects are appropriate in the first place. You’ll know that it’s no big deal if there is one, and that the other person isn’t judging you for it. Once you’re really good, you’ll know that you can use an awkward silence to your advantage, and get a kiss from the guy you like from one (although that’s a bit more advanced, lol).

This is how I cured my social anxiety with men and with people in general. It took about a year to finally become comfortable with them, but it was well worth it. It’s never to late to start and try to overcome this! Good luck with everything :)

andrew_X21 · 2021-08-30T09:54:31+00:00

Confess to the other person your problem with it, most guys will understand as they are socially akward to the other sex too

Whisper · 2021-08-30T16:25:00+00:00

I didn’t want him to think I am flirting with him.

Why not?

You were interested in him as a man, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question here. Sounds like flirting with him was the appropriate move.

throw_a_balll · 2021-08-30T12:13:08+00:00

It honestly just takes practice. Also a numbers game - the more guys you talk to, the better understanding of topics you can talk about, your confidence will improve and there won’t be anything that will catch you by surprise.

This is coming from someone that wasn’t socialised during childhood and did most my social learning during university. I used to sound like I was going to cry when talking to the opposite sex, and avoided eye contact. Now, I have improved immensely but so much more learning to do.

Trust me, it’ll get better, and don’t settle - keep improving.

YoungHungNFullOfCum · 2021-08-30T12:35:51+00:00

It's easier to do some activity, like a sport. Then you can talk about what you're doing, and if you're silent it's not awkward.

JadedByEntropy · 2021-08-30T16:00:03+00:00

Treat them like a brother, but first of all a human being, and it will go much better.

aigars2 · 2021-08-30T15:21:53+00:00

Not sure what was your final end game. Men bond over activities. Most men. That shows you want to spend time, invest even unconsciously. Talking a man into friendship, that's a hard one. To not be awkward, for simplest conversations look for common stuff. Weather, movies, news, restaurants, fitness etc.

Pycnostyle · 2021-08-31T04:15:45+00:00

I will now present to you Pycnostyle's Guide to Infinite Conversation. Most people would pay a lot of money for this*, but I'll give it to you for free.

To keep a conversation going forever, all you need to do is listen to what the other person is saying, and then respond in one of 4 ways:

Ask a question about what the other person just said. (e.g. "What did you think about X?" "Did you get a chance to X?" "What even gave you the idea to X?")
Tell a story about something related to what the other person just said. (e.g. "Oh, that reminds me of the time I X" "Oh, you're not going to believe that my friend Xed")
Observe something about your immediate surroundings and comment on it. Ask the other person about it. By the way, if you want to strike up a conversation with someone, this is a great way to do it and not be awkward as fuck.
If you don't know what to say, just say something totally random (i.e. changing the subject). If you know you're going to be having a conversation and know that you're going to be nervous, have five things prepared. Maybe what you did last weekend or something in the news or a show that you really like or whatever.

That's it! Numbers 1 and 2 are your friends because they flow so naturally. Now that you know what to do, just practice practice practice. Have short conversations with folks every chance you get.

*Nobody has ever offered to pay me for this.

Winter-Ice-melts · 2021-08-31T01:23:28+00:00

Also a hint, if you ask people to do you little favours like, hey could you pass me the salt shaker, or im tired of watching the same tv shows or movies, is there any movies or shows you like that you could recommend? Or get to go on a mission for you like im trying to find new places to go for a walk or get coffee im tired of going the same places, how about we find some places to explore together? Any places you can recommend? It makes people think you are more interested in them and care about them, its how to make an impression on someone you don’t know and make it stick, also body language, i find putting your phone away totally for conversations allows you to more be fully engaged in the conversation and send that message, even having your phone out on the table tells the other person subconsciously your not interested in what they are saying, there’s some good videos on you tube about this, and complimenting someone like, oh i really like that ‘shirt’ ‘watch’ what kind of watch is that? Where did you get it from? Ill let you know a secret, i collect them, I love watches, i have one for everyday day of the week, it tells the other person that your telling them something maybe no one else knows about you, the watch thing is an example, also compliments make other people feel good, Whether its something they are wearing, its an easy way into a conversation too with strangers, even the barrister at the coffee shop, check out person, anyone start small, you never know what you might have in common with a random stranger, Ive had so many strangers do random acts of kindness simply from having a conversation with them, you just have to take a leap of faith and be okay with being a bit awkward sometimes, make a joke of yourself like ‘oh yeah im a little bit socially awkward if you can’t already tell that by my amazing social skills haha’ laugh it off most people don’t care as much as what you may perceive they are too absorbed in themselves most the time honestly, then move it to guys you like, laugh at something funny, a touch on the arm, it takes practice like any new skill to make friends when your online all the time and out of practice in person

yourbadformylungs · 2021-08-30T23:55:02+00:00

I also used to have a ‘chronic,’ blushing problem around the opposite sex. I can say what helped me was practice and pushing through the conversation. You will get people that will mention it and call it put to tease you or make you more embarrassed, I just pushed through it as if it was normal and said I know.

I’m not exactly sure why this happened to me. I think a lot of it had to do with me not being comfortable in my own skin. For me working in a male dominated field that I excelled at helped me but of course thats not the only way.

I would again emphasize on practicing. Talk about what you want to. Gauge their reactions, learn to understand how to communicate and get over your fears so you can become confident in your ability to socialize with the opposite sex.

Sometimes thinking I had a lot more control and power over them than I realized as an individual in the conversation helped me better be able to communicate with them. I eventually stopped over analyzing my own behavior and was able to be confident in who I was as a human being.

LightOverWater · 2021-08-30T14:41:37+00:00

This sounds like a case where a personality test might be helpful to tailor advice for you.

Could you take these test and tell me your MBTI Type?

There are different strengths/weaknesses for each type, so advice will vary.

Title	I am a 26F and I am socially awkward around people of the opposite sex.
Author	Small-Button-2308
Upvotes	37
Comments	42
Date	August 30, 2021 9:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/peekyc/i_am_a_26f_and_i_am_socially_awkward_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-am-a-26f-and-i-am-socially-awkward-around-people.1066210 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066210

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