I'm scared of sex

kenbrucedmr · 2021-09-12T22:05:48+00:00

Hey,

I don't think you are weird. You do seem to be an anxious person (I am anxious too, so I sure hope its not weird xD), but indeed, human relationships are can be extra complicated these days. I won't go into whether that is right or wrong, but that is how it is.

Of course, one solution is to simply not have sex or date. That's might be a bit extreme, but it depend on you. Maybe you are also focusing on your studies, for instance. In that sense, don't let social expectations get in your way. Sex/romantic relationships are something we do because we want, not because somebody says we must.

If you do want to date/have sex, what can you do to mitigate the risk?

First, only have sex with people you trust. Not with a random person you just met. Someone who cares about you. This is the most important one, and it will actually make everything else better, including "performance" anxiety.

Second, no drunk or even tipsy sex. If you suspect the other person is even tipsy, just say no. Basically, if you have any reason to think that the other person might later regret having had sex with you, say no. Say no in a If you are extra anxious, try to be seen by people at all times after you have said no (and, as always, try to be nice about it, so the person doesn't feel rejected).

Third, everything has to be "In the open". They have to meet your friends, you have to meet theirs. Hopefully, even families. I think this is for the protection of both parties.

Finally, sort of related, always use a condom. If the other person doesn't want you to, that's a red flag, and an extra reason to use that (or to just not have sex).

Of course, these are just suggestions. Take what you think makes sense, leave the rest.

Living-Reference5329 · 2021-09-12T21:48:55+00:00

I’m also shit scared of sex. Your not the only one

ComradeAnthony · 2021-09-12T23:19:50+00:00

I have the same fears and similar rationale.

gratis_eekhoorn · 2021-09-15T12:48:42+00:00

You sound smart, your concerns are completely valid and not weird at all. In my opinion having casual sex in me too era is what is weird and stupid.

LoveTheGiraffe · 2021-09-13T09:39:09+00:00

Complete agree with u/kenbrucedmr here.

Don't do hookups and find someone you feel comfortable and are on the same page with. Get to know each other. Meet each others friends. Take your time. Don't rush things. And talk about it before you have it so there are no misunderstandings. Wish you the best of luck, bro. Sex is something that should make you feel close to a person that means something to you. And that will also help you to calm your anxiety.

UnHope20 · 2021-09-17T22:53:12+00:00

Hi it is perfectly valid to consider the possible ramifications of your actions. Having sex with another person comes with risk.

Not only legal risk, but physical (Health) risk, and emotional risk.

If you have what you believe to be a valid reason to avoid sex then you should go with that. Contrary to popular opinion, any reason is a valid reason to refuse to have sex with someone. Your consent matters.

Since I'm not a doctor or therapist I can't tell you whether there is something wrong with you. But if this is giving you a significant amount of distress or preventing you from being able to function normally, I would go see a qualified healthcare provider.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

DelRMi05 · 2021-09-17T15:57:55+00:00

100% a normal feeling OP. Society is putting more and more pressure on teenagers and adults to act older than they are. While consent is really important and we're exposing problems with it, it obviously leads to some confusion.

communication with a partner is key, and sex after a night of partying sometimes lacks that communication and clarity that should be there. Avoid alcohol and other substances, make sure you have consent with a partner, and ensure that it's with someone you can trust.

Just to reiterate, you're not weird, you are mature in that you understand the potential consequences of your actions. I look at that as a huge positive. Remove the pressure by doing it on your terms when you and your potential partner are both comfortable.

radboi001 · 2021-09-17T17:36:19+00:00

Hi man, I want you to know that I understand where you're coming from. I think it is good if you don't have sex if you don't fully feel comfortable with it. And there is no shame in not having sex a lot or at all (even if pop culture/mainstream opinion might say something different). I can only advise you to try and find a person where you have a relationship of support and are comfortable enough to share your insecurities, then the thought of having sex will be more comfortable for you as well.

quesadilla_dinosaur · 2021-09-21T19:23:01+00:00

Lol, I don’t blame you. I’ve been in an LTR for 4 years and only recently have I gotten more comfortable having sex with her.

The most important step is the one you’ve already taken, talking about your fears, but the next one is talking about being scared with a potential partner too.

When it comes to sex, you really have to be open as possible with your feelings, fears and anxieties and be ready to hear someone tear them apart and be delighted when they don’t, because if they don’t make you feel shitty for being scared, they you’ve found someone worth having sex with.

SNAiLtrademark · 2021-09-13T13:02:19+00:00

Avoiding sex because of the fear of false accusations is like being afraid to swim in the ocean because of sharks. There is a very small chance of it every time, but the noise around it is a lot larger than the actual chance.

I was an absolute slut in my younger days. I slept with eat too many women, and never once had a problem. Here's the trick: women that are into it, are into it; don't play around with the questionable cases. If she hesitates when the topic comes up, walk away.

But here's the other half: some people will never swim in the ocean, because of sharks. And that's a valid choice, too.

My personal life rule is that fear doesn't get to make decisions for me. And that rule has lead me on a lot of great adventures.

I believe in you.

Reddit1984Censorship · 2021-09-12T22:08:29+00:00

It is normal but sex is overrated anyway so my adviace is jsut dont bother is waste of time of time theres plenty of waifus and porn avaible to get off while you work on improving your life without being fucked over by the false accusations and similars.

Title	I'm scared of sex
Author	Historical-Roll-276
Upvotes	44
Comments	12
Date	September 12, 2021 11:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/pmqrhw/im_scared_of_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/im-scared-of-sex.1069134 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069134

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