Red Flag: He’s Constantly Asking if You’re Happy

ivory_727 · 2021-09-28T10:27:10+00:00

Damn you described my ex to a T. Constantly asking this question, yet when I did finally bring up an issue that made me unhappy he turned around and gaslit me about it, acting like we didn't have issues in our relationship and that everything was cool. They don't really care. They're just testing the waters to see if you're thinking about jumping ship.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-09-28T04:23:09+00:00

This reminds me of a man who told me “you’ll never be happy”. Idk if anyone else has been told this, but when I reflect on it I believe I was gaslit… I would tell him what my wants or desires were and he’d do the opposite.

hensbanex · 2021-09-28T12:37:40+00:00

this is so incredibly accurate, every part of it. thanks for such a detailed and insightful post!

arnezuara · 2021-09-28T04:00:29+00:00

Love this post, it’s very informative! I’m sure a lot of women can relate and will benefit from the information you provided. Some red flags can be hard to spot, especially if you have little experience.

Any man who could not adequately and timely resolve an issue (that you brought up) has failed the test — you have to next him.

Carpedictum · 2021-09-28T05:33:11+00:00

You’re giving men way too much credit.

It might be 25% that their ego is tied up in making you perfectly satisfied, but it’s 75% just to shut you up.

It’s exactly like the “You want me to pick up my socks? Great. I’m the worst husband ever and I don’t even deserve to be alive.” move. Now there are two problems- you’re upset AND he’s even MORE upset. So now you shift to comforting him.

You’re saying “Don’t comfort him because it’s a trick.” I’m saying sis, he ain’t even really upset.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-28T16:48:33+00:00

Literally the beginning of my ex relationship, he asking me things like “I’m doing the things right? A good boyfriend?” Or when i talked about my problems he puts the guilt in me just for having them and not the problem per se. They just put their problems first and ours doesn’t matter because if u have them you are not perfect anymore.

katiekat0214 · 2021-09-28T12:54:47+00:00

The moment I have to say, STOP CENTERING YOURSELF, AND FOCUS ON ME AND MY ISSUE RIGHT NOW, it's time to walk. Be ready to leave at a moment's notice.

Years ago, I worked with a benign narcissist (they do exist). She was a co-worker, and just very self-centered, not toxic toward other people, mostly just a book and supply hoarder. No big deal, I recognized her narcissism, but could have worked with her for years.

However, one day we were talking, and she told me that her oldest daughter was estranged, and she just didn't know whyyyy. I knew that was a lie. There's a fantastic blog by Issendai, a long, long read about the language used by those who estrange vs. those who are estranged, and it is fascinating. I'm not estranged from anyone, but I read the entire thing. The specificity of language from those who estrange is precise, concrete, detailed, specific. From those who are estranged? Predictably, vague, abstract, general. Not surprisingly, her oldest daughter, I'm quite sure, estranged herself, because she could never talk to her mother about any problems, without her mother constantly bringing all issues back to herself. Same with this scrote. Be happy, or else he pitches a little child bitchfit. Spare me.

It's this kind of "duh durrr duh, I dunno what I did wrong, hurr durr" mentality that enrages me. If I'm TELLING you what the problem is, then I'm also telling you SOLUTIONS that I've thought about, that would benefit both, and would be easy to implement. If someone acts this childish, time to walk away, because it won't get better.

Title	Red Flag: He’s Constantly Asking if You’re Happy
Author	InspectorGadget07
Upvotes	139
Comments	14
Date	September 28, 2021 3:41 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pwxtv3/red_flag_hes_constantly_asking_if_youre_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/red-flag-hes-constantly-asking-if-youre-happy.1073847 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073847

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