I’m a 34 M and I’ve been with my wife for 10 years married but 13/14 years together. When we first met I had trust issues and I was hung up on my ex. I wasn’t in a very good place for a long time and she definitely guided me thru it. I can freely admit that I wasn’t the best husband at the beginning but my maturity eventually caught up and for the last 7 years I’ve been constantly making an effort to do right by her. I don’t cheat and I’m not much of a drinker either. My only real vice is smoking weed. I get up and go to work and I come home to my family. That’s essentially it on a day to day basis. Now my wife has always been a drinker and most times we go out im the DD. I know that she’s always down to drink with friends but there’s no restraint. She drinks to get fucked up and that’s when the “Mr. Hyde” comes out of her. On several occasions she would instigate arguments late at night and would Keep me awake forcing me to call in to work. She will berate me on how much I don’t care and how she resents me and just tears me down saying the meanest shit from our relationships past; things from years ago. Things I no longer do or am. She tells me all these things and then passes out only to leave me carrying a bag of emotional baggage the next day; to which she does not remember anything from the night prior. She just gets blackout drunk and berates me and just tells me how awful of a person I am and how she’s wasted so much time of her life with me. Every time we get in an argument she’s always the one to bring up “time apart” or “we need a break” or “divorce” (always when she drinks) and I’ve told her on several times that I’m not forcing her to stay. That if that’s how she truly feels than she can go if she wants but yet she never does. She just continues to resent me but yet we’ll have great days together and she says she loves me and that she’s an awful person for putting me thru that every time but yet she refuses to go to couples therapy and I’m not sure of the “it’s me or the booze” ultimatum . We have kids together and I know that the drunken rage has bled to our kids from time to time and I’ve had to take a metaphorical bullet for my 12 year old when she started to make him cry by berating him. When I’ve tried to reach out to her family about her drinking and she finds out she gets mad that I tell them about our problems (her drinking). On several occasions she’s come home drunk from hanging out with her friends when I would have preferred her to stay with them instead of driving home. Nothing matters to her when she’s been drinking and nothing is ever learned the next day after. I’m mentally exhausted and I’m just not sure what my next moves should be, she resents me so much and so much anger and hatred comes out when she drinks. She hates it when I give her a recap in the morning because she can tell I’m upset. Half the time she more or less just doesn’t want to hear it in the morning yet when she’s enraged at 3 am in the morning on a Tuesday night; passes out and forgets to get the kids ready for school I HAVE to hear everything she has to say. I love her but I don’t know what to do . I feel like she wants me to push away from her .