What's the actual percentage of people women are physically/sexually attracted to?

PostMoFoSho · 2021-10-17T06:24:46+00:00

Hey, full disclosure, am a woman - I'll spare you the story of how I came to this sub, let's just say I'm pretty familiar with red pill stuff.

Men and women are different, but not in all the ways red pillers say we're different - I think mostly we're just different when it comes to sex (and it's nearly impossible to tease out how much is nature and how much is nurture). Red pillers will consistently offer the darkest, most convoluted, relentlessly negative explanations for women's perceived differences.

Anyway, I can't promise you'll like this answer, and can't promise it's "true" for all or even most women, but here's what seems true for me.

Men's physical desire is more urgent, less specific, and more based on the physical. The desire for sex is pretty consistent regardless of external circumstances (with upticks when spending an unusual amount of time with one or more attractive women).

Women's desire tends to be more specific for one person once she knows him a bit, is less based on physical looks, and holy shit, way less consistent. if I'm not physically near a guy I'm into, I think about sex maybe 3 times a month. Kid you not. Maybe I'm an extreme case but I think most women don't think about sex much unless there's some external impetus (like if she's met a new guy she likes, and he's nearby). I have had times, though, where I thought of sex constantly when I liked one specific guy. But the rest of the time? Meh!

I can count on my fingers (on one hand!) the times I've had sexual thoughts about a guy that I don't know. And all of those times happened after I was 35. I just don't think of sex with strangers. A stranger, no matter how hot, does not inspire sexual thoughts in me. I don't know if all women are like that, but that's how I am.

This sucks for men because you have a near constant desire that can only be fulfilled if another person gives you permission, and if you're heterosexual, the people you're attracted to generally have less interest in the thing you desire. I genuinely get that this is really hard for men.

Add to this the social messages that men get - society is constantly throwing out the idea that lots of men are having lots more sex than you, and that having lots of sex makes them more successful.

It also sucks for women, because until we know better, we apply our same standards around sex to men - so when a guy wants to have sex with us, we think he likes us specifically. It's a rather sad discovery when you realize that most guys just generally like sex, and probably don't see you as special at all, or they see you as special until about 5 min after they've come. There are a lot of other reasons this whole situation sucks for women, but you're probably not as interested in hearing about that.

Anyway, it's not hypergamy- I've def dated guys who, based on society's standards, weren't terribly good looking, were poor, etc, and I was CRAZY about them. I'm talking madly in love.

It happened this summer - I had this coworker who, honestly, the first time I saw him I thought he wasn't cute at all. I actually took an instant disliking to him. But after I spent some time with him, I became a little obsessed. He just had that certain something that caught my interest - and it wasn't looks (did help that he was in shape though, partially because it shows he respects himself) and it wasn't about money (I'm pretty sure I make more money than him and I don't give a shit - I was super into him), and it wasn't about height (he was pretty close to my height). So he had none of the markers of the "top 20%" and yet I would have rolled over burning hot coals to touch him. I used to just stare at his hands when no one was looking. Talk about fucking creepy.

Anyway, haven't you seen attractive women who've dated less attractive men? I think it's started to even out a bit, but it used to feel like when there was a mismatch in attractiveness, it was way more common for the man to be the unattractive one.

So I think the mismatch you perceive isn't something nefarious like "hypergamy" but instead it's just a case of less interest in general. If you're not constantly motivated by sex, you're more likely to sort of wait around until someone really amazing comes along. Like if you're not really hungry, and someone offers you a peanut butter sandwich, you might say, "nah, I'm good" but if they offer you some exotic amazing food, you're like, "cool, I'll try a bite." I think it's like that with women. She's just not that hungry.

Until she's in love with the peanut butter sandwich...then she's hungry all the time.

So yeah, harder for guys to attract a woman. But once she wants to sleep with you, you know it's because she really likes you, not just sex.

Jesus this is fucking long.

tldr: men have a consistent, urgent, nonspecific desire for sex, for women, it's not that way. This makes men feel undesirable. That sucks, but it's nothing personal.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2021-10-17T01:07:41+00:00

I think the 80/20 rule is true in the extent that women only find a small minority of men attractive.

However, it's highly unlikely that all women are attracted to the exact same types of guys as red pillers like to claim. My mom, for example doesn't like six pack abs and doesn't think Brad Pitt or George Clooney are particularly good looking.

As a guy, I rarely see women that I find attractive in real life (largely because the people in my area are mostly old and look like shit even for their ages.) and there are many celebrities such as Emma Watson, Scarlett Johansson and Christina Hendricks that other dudes fawn over but do nothing for me.

Everyone has their preferences and there will always be people who fall short. Nobody is attractive to everybody.

RedPillDetox · 2021-10-17T18:00:22+00:00

Most women do not find most men attractive at ACQUAINTENCE level.

The reason why this happens is because women often need to get to know a guy's personality in terms of self confidence, trustworthiness, poise, kidness and willingness to commit before establishing an emotional connection and/or finding him attractive. Perceptions of social status also vary between women, depending on what they find cool on a guy, hence another argument on why women may not find most men attractive.

Men do find women attractive at acquaintence level because a) men are more visual than women and b) men are more likely to be comfortable with short term sex and also drop their standards for short term sex. If short term sex didn't exist, men would only find half of the women or less attractive because men get A LOT MORE choosy for long term relationships.

Women are more likely to find their male friends attractive. 2 studies have found that in dyads of male-female friends approached randomly, 60 to 68% of men find their female friend moderately attractive and 46% to 50% of females find their male friend attractive. So despite not finding most men attractive at ACQUAINTENCE level women may find a good portion of their friends attractive at FRIENDSHIP level despite that, in my opinion, men need to be wary to not fall in the perpectual friendzone due to lack of "making a move" or need to be wary of not communicating a bad personality/low status.

Women will only find men attractive at acquaintence level if those men are really that OBVIOUSLY attractive or the guy is just their type. Which is where this 80/20 bullshit comes from.

This is all just common sense and very simple to understand, anyone with basic critical thinking can tell what's happening behind the 80/20 myth.

ceroboros · 2021-10-16T23:40:49+00:00

FYI, men are encouraged to be more sexually outgoing and to approach their desired sexual partner. Women are discouraged both by societal norms and even men mock women for wanting men before the man seeks interest in them due to assumptions that she is "low value" because she isn't being chased. Women, when treated well and are made comfortable, have a range of sex drives. Some of which are just as high or even higher than some men. But society, once again creates a double standard of not allowing us to express this or do anything to enjoy it because of the whole "damaged goods" rule RPers believe in. And because of the obvious consequence of us being able to produce kids, so we have to be more careful.

I think research like this is interesting for observing dating techniques in the genders. But its not very honest about how men have high expectations for women to be capable of pairing with them, maintaining a low body count and not having kids or baby daddies, while also being able and willing to openly express the same sex drive as men who don't have to worry about having kids and don't have the exact same stigmas if they have many partners in a single year.

DissonanceBadger · 2021-10-17T05:45:32+00:00

Very good post, I agree with what you wrote, and to me this is what makes dating not fun (well, one of the things anyway). I kinda don’t feel like playing this game anymore.

However, here’s a few things I’d like to add to it: Female process of attraction is simply not as instantaneous as men’s. It’s almost like a process of gradual convincing, and a lot of it is based on things that are not available in online dating profiles, like behavior (a big one), smell, body language, amount of effort the guy invests in the woman, etc. So a related question might be: which percentage of guys become more attractive than initially thought after a process of pursuing a woman. It’s still not going to be as high as how men rate women, but will be higher than the estimations under the current question.

whydoesthishapp3n · 2021-10-24T00:40:15+00:00

i’m not shocked at all. even when i look very bad (hair not brushed, baggy pants, ill fitting shirt, no make up) men still look at me in a sexual way vs when i’m dressed up, wearing make up and yeah men still look at me. that’s why it annoys me when people say i dress for men because men literally do not care what i look like so why would i dress for them? 😂 men are very easy in my experience (not an insult). but of course, there will always be an exception to that rule.

and my theory is that men just have lower standards. gay men as well, so that’s why the straight guy got so many matches. i feel this could be due to slut shaming tbh. women are indoctrinated to worry about being less valuable as a human being if they have sex in general, but especially with less conventional attractive ppl. which is why i think it’s hilarious when RP guys slut shame women. you’d get a lot more sex if you would stop shaming women and equating their worth to how much sex they’ve had.

my second theory is that thinking of the percentage of “straight” women who are actually just gay women who are brain washed into being straight, i think that could account for some of it. there’s been a lot of research on compulsive heterosexuality. i mean if you hear the way lots of straight women talk about men it’s almost as if…they. don’t. like. men.

these are just food for thought so feel free to disagree.

Hungry-Juice-3846 · 2021-11-15T06:41:17+00:00

This honestly raises my respect for women.

Title	What's the actual percentage of people women are physically/sexually attracted to?
Author	DiscussionReader
Upvotes	7
Comments	45
Date	October 16, 2021 11:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/q9mra4/whats_the_actual_percentage_of_people_women_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/whats-the-actual-percentage-of-people-women-are.1079130 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079130

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