Do you offer to split or pay for the bill? When?

SunshineSundress · 2021-10-21T20:10:46+00:00

When I was still single, I always offered to split. IMO, it just feels entitled to just sit there and smile as he’s picking up the bill.

Still, I only offered once. If he says he’s got it (and in my experience, around 75% of the men I dated do), I’m not gonna argue with him over the bill or insist that we split, because some men find that emasculating and petty. I just smile and thank him genuinely. However, if I realized that I don’t want something romantic with with him, I’d insist on splitting.

The reason why I don’t sweat it so much is because if I realize I’m interested in him, I’ll probably return the favor in the coming dates. I’d surprise them with coffee and a walk, or I’ll drop off some pastries I picked up if I’m in his neck of the woods. With my current SO, I ended up making him a big meal as an explicit thank you for how often he treated me on dates and how he helped me fix my laptop when I REALLY needed it. Tbh, I think that gesture is how I won him over.

However, as the relationship got more serious, I stopped offering. I knew he enjoyed taking care of me and taking me out, and it was clear that every time I asked him he got a little annoyed 😂 After 3 years, I still thank him profusely and show a lot of appreciation when he takes me out on a date!

zabriskiepointt · 2021-10-21T20:43:05+00:00

When my boyfriend and I go out to eat, I offer to pay but it’s more of a routine we do, because I know he usually pays. I do try to pay for things he needs, or if the bill is high we’ll split. It works well for us!

girlwithasidecar · 2021-10-21T23:09:46+00:00

I'm old and married but my general practice was to assume I was splitting the bill when we went somewhere. Reach for the check or my purse and if he said "I will get it" smile really big and say "thank you so much"

Sometimes that meant I paid. Most men paid for me. One guy wanted to split everything when I was broke and I stopped dating him after my bank balance couldn't take it. In retrospect I probably should have told him I couldn't afford to go out with him but I probably didn't like him that much to begin with so it was for the best.

Another guy suggested a more expensive restaurant for a second date and I did tell him that it was out of my price range and he told me he would cover it.

I know there is a lot of rpw that thinks the man should pay no matter what. I learned in a psych class long long ago that giving someone something makes them feel like they owe you (it was a psych of marketing class). Because of this I always made the offer so I didn't feel that I owed a guy anything and was in a better position to make a rational judgement.

I don't know if there is realistic advice in any of that but it was how I handled the bill.

NoAARPforMe · 2021-10-21T21:54:56+00:00

Maybe offer to split the first date or two. If you are on date 3, then the guy has some interest in you....maybe sex....maybe relationship. Let him pick it up. And then the next time, just take the check and say I got this one. Depending on how the relationship develops, pickup the check every 4th or 5th time.

Do this at the mid-priced or inexpensive places. If he takes you to an expensive/nice/exclusive/romantic place, he plans to pick up the tab. Don't even think about offering. But do say a proper thank you.

Don't do the splitting...that is weird when you are in a romantic relationship....even the beginning stages. My wife will pick up the check once in while, maybe one out of ten dates.....It makes me feel good when she does. But I would not want her to do it more often than that.

oriorioooo · 2021-10-21T19:56:01+00:00

Ive just noticed im so unnatural on dates bc i used to be insecure abt whether a guy will pay or not but i realize its better to offer. With friends its easy cuz i just pay for myself or pay for both of us. Idk how to apply this to dating but i guess i could find a balance

titlejunk · 2021-10-21T23:49:40+00:00

I paid on the first day with my now husband. We met at a local sports bar near my house. I had shown up, socialized, and had food before he got there. He had like 2 beers. So 75-80% of the bill was mine anyway. He still brings it up a decade later that I wasn’t acting like an entitled gold digger from day 1.

To me, it absolutely depends on the circumstances but I would always at least offer to split unless he explicitly states that he doesn’t want that.

SnowOnCinders · 2021-10-22T13:57:03+00:00

I had a guy once talk for a bit about being super wealthy, and then, without a thought, offer his Venmo when I offered to pay for my drink. Not a good sign.

I'd say him picking up the order is a sign of interest on the first date? Otherwise if he takes you up on your offer to pay may mean he doesn't see you as anything but friends.

LouisXIV_ · 2021-10-21T23:51:44+00:00

On first dates, I always ask the waiter/waitress for separate checks if I don't want/plan to see the guy again. That way, I won't feel guilty about making him pay for me.

If I do want to see him again, I let him pay. I figure if the feeling is mutual, I'll return the favor by paying for the next meal. But if the feeling isn't mutual (if he doesn't want to see me again), at least I got a free dinner :-).

kazuechan · 2021-10-22T04:54:17+00:00

Never paid for the first date meal because I’ve always dated men who believed in financially taking care of their partners. This is personal preference. I prefer to have a partner who wants to take an extra load and burden off of me.

I don’t discuss the bill topic beforehand, usually the man makes an extremely off-topic comment about how he wants to take me out and impress me. Who am I to deny him this luxury? He pays to see me and have my companionship, I show up and look pretty while engaging with him.

Never paid for any date with any guy I was casually dating. For relationships I am willing to invest money into our dates since we are more comfortable with each other.

If we’re in a exclusive relationship, I came up with this rule of paying for dates that I suggested and the guy paying for dates he comes up with. There are times I want to go to places that are out of the way and I’m willing to pay for the travel there and for the actual event. It also gives the guy the freedom to pick dates that are in his tax bracket. For the occasional moment I feel generous, I might pay for the parking or gas as a treat.

Never had any guy complain about my way of paying for this. It’s usually because they are able to pick places/things they can afford instead of me demanding a particular place that might be out of their price range.

aquariangem · 2021-10-21T23:03:37+00:00

I don’t do or say anything, they just pay. I always bring backup, but don’t offer to pay because people told me that it’s too competitive and makes guys feel little..

RadiantLuminals · 2021-10-22T10:51:21+00:00

I don't reach for the check or pretend like I'm gonna pay. I do however make sure to show gratitude immediately, and then again at the end of the date. Eventually I'll offer to pay for small things, but I try to be discreet about paying for him. Instead I'll buy the ingredients beforehand and make dinner. Or I'll plan a visit to the botanical gardens and prepay for the tickets. Etc.

Diamond-Breath · 2021-10-26T16:29:14+00:00

I never offer, he always pays for everything. I always show him my gratitude and treat him like a king though. Truth is I feel more feminine and cared for in a traditional relationship. I only went to one date and he picked up the tab and everything afterwards and generally treating me like a lady, needless to say he's my boyfriend now.

Title	Do you offer to split or pay for the bill? When?
Author	oriorioooo
Upvotes	16
Comments	29
Date	October 21, 2021 7:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qczyda/do_you_offer_to_split_or_pay_for_the_bill_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-offer-to-split-or-pay-for-the-bill-when.1082597 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082597

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