Does this sound like any current dynamic you have with another women?

  • Being sought out by them only when things are wrong

  • Not listening to advice

  • Gaslighting you for your basic standards

  • Demonizing you for attempts to help ground them.

  • Ripping apart the big picture of advice because because of one flaw and therefor the entire piece of advice is now completely invalid (to keep up their delusion until they are angry with their man)

  • When they are in the mood to hate on their ex they will finally agree with you only to gaslight your consistent view when they need to go back (Anxious attachment style)

  • Use what they told you previously to debate or question your mindset when they feel “normal” as if you pulled the horrific circumstances out of your ass.

  • Holier than thou mentality (I’m not greedy I’ll pay 50/50, “yeah, I’m not judgmental” etc)

  • Info dumping constantly and relationship revolving solely around their issues and when they need you while you waste away on your words and tiptoe around their sensitivity.

Just like LVM! f**k these people (family, friends, I don’t care!) Cut them out.

They are draining to your resource. They don’t want help, they bullshit themselves and lean on you as a crutch and objectify you.

They grasp onto you when they feel too gaunt to have a backbone and suddenly it seems as if they finally got through but it’s never the case.

They do not trust their emotions and are greatly confused souls who will be confused and turn at you from random angles at different points of time as a result just like they do to themselves in their heads.

They feel guilty, bad, worthless, judgmental inside and try to hide that side by being a codependent and guess what you’re going to feel when you lend a kind hand….those things.

So,

Fuck being there, you don’t need that kind of liability just because they have no one else to go to when they can go get therapy instead of having the decency not to bite the hand that feeds them and gnaw at your sanity while seeking you out.

Fuck them accusing you of being “cold” for distancing or for having nothing to say about their issue any longer. Fuck the pseudo intellectualism and random psychological facts when it suits them in order to ground YOU for your advice to mitigate their suffering and how dare you feel annoyed for being put in this cycle with them.

They will involve you into their relationship, they have no other thoughts nor a solid sense of self to relate or bond to. If your parent was emotionally immature chances are most if not nearly all of your family comprises of that.

You will be seen as hard headed, moody, trying to be “smart” etc.

Direct, honest, frank, disagreeable, unapologetically confident people are always easiest to blame.

Which is funny, because I find people with the traits listed above the least shady.

However for most people "saying/doing things that hurt my ego" = you name it.

Most people will back a liar that tells them sweet nothings before they back a truth teller that tells them the bitter truth as a means of helping them.

Pickmes will:

  • Triangulate you.
  • Get you to mediate their relationship in an active fight.
  • Gaslight
  • Get you involved in some way through sympathy or test you.

I remember during a move I had to stay at my mother (who is a huge pickme) I was constantly mad at her, she would have moments of clarity and over the top complaining only to revert into a caretaker and would serve him breakfast and dinner in bed while he watched sports, he lived in her house that she owns, drove her car, they both worked and yet she was constantly tackling his man child needs.

Crumbs on the bed, dishes hidden under their bed, crumbs, he brung roaches from his old apartment, the bathroom he used upstairs was just as bad as the toilet in the video and since I pitied my mother (even though she is toxic in general and we have more of a coworker relationship because she raised us being emotionally immature and broke our bond from the beginning I still empathized with her!) so I had to clean the toilet/his shit every other day because it got bad because of him and I was staying in the guest room upstairs which was his bathroom. She made me realize that you can easily get involved in pickme shit the closer you are to a pickme, my sister is the exact same if not worse to what she puts up with and they all unload on me.

My sister is in an abusive relationship with someone who smells really badly but “has something going for him career wise but she doesn’t want to miss out if she leaves” he spreads this jargon about finances and she’s naive and eats it up, she has more money in the bank than he does while he’s in the negatives and she wants to pay 50/50 and Uber him to her place. She thinks I’m being negative and holding the past against him when they both have hit each other and despite her breakdowns yet he still likes pictures of IG pickme’s and she wants to play gaslight when I try to ground her when she misses him 🤡.

He literally can’t wash his ass because he believes that it’s gay, it’s really not an FDS joke these people exist and it’s mind boggling.

A lot going for him that’s for sure, I stopped trying to mentor her because it was straining our relationship (because she wants to bullshit me and act like she hasn’t sobbed and talked about how worthless she feels in the relationship) and I was the bad guy.

Moral of the story is you’d be surprise how much a pickme with low self worth will tolerate. It’s a moral game with some of them, they want a project and something they can feel sorry for so they can feel whole thinking that if they see how they abundant and dedicated they are they will find solace in their own hearts by exacting that toward anyone regardless of what impedes on their self worth and act out in what they wish they had or was done for them, it’s a deluded advocacy and it’s hard to feel sorry for them a lot of the time because they exhaust you, act in competition, disturb your sleep, want to listen to themselves talk while rejecting and ridiculing your advice and ripping apart any flaw in the advice, rampant cognitive dissonance, and their relationship with you revolves around free therapy.

Distance, distance, distance.