Thank you for any advice. My fiancé and I (both early 30s) are engaged, date is set, we are getting married this summer. Since our engagement, my fiancé is putting a lot of pressure for sex. We are both Christians, I am a virgin, he is not, and waiting is very difficult for both of us. I do not know what to do anymore or who to turn to. I am active in my church, but communicating with other married women there is very challenging because of COVID. Also, not everyone is comfortable talking about sex, regardless of how close they are to you. We do kiss and make out, but are doing our best to stay within boundaries. I now see that his boundaries are moving a lot, since he has more frequently mentioned more sexual activities and cohabitation. In our most recent conversations, I get a sense that not moving my boundaries along closer to his needs leaves him feeling both hurt and disrespected, and that is absolutely not my aim. I am not trying to be frigid, but I know that this is going to be a slippery slope for both of us. However, when I tell him this, he says that my choice for virginity is selfish and was done without considering the man I would end up with. I am far from perfect, 5′ 8, 170 lb, not a looker at all, just lucky to have met my spouse. I go to the gym four times a week, try to live healthy, stay healthy, cook for both of us, pamper him as best as I can. I love my relationship with God, and find that on this issue, I am faltering. I am not the kind of girl that gets offers for relationships frequently, I have no intention to leave him, and I hope that he does not give up on me before our wedding. I love my fiancé dearly and want this to work, but I need help. Thanks for letting me know if you have any suggestions or guidance.

Seeking Advice Q&A

  • How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? both early 30s, 2 years following RPW
  • What is your relationship status? Engaged.
  • What is the problem? Problem is as stated above.
  • How have you contributed to the problem? Trying to stay a virgin, and this is not helping.
  • How long has this been an issue? Two months (to my knowledge)
  • What have you done to resolve this problem? Communication, encouraging that I’ll be very eager with sex once the summer comes, and very enthusiastic within the boundaries that we have set. Going all out with preparing fun dates, treating him very well...
  • If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: engaged, monogamous and committed.
  • How long have you been together? 1.5 years
  • Is your relationship long-distance? Same city
  • Do you have an active bedroom life? Clearly not active enough.