Advice for being more attractive to my husband, while in a body he’s not entirely attracted to?

InsomniaBrigid · 2022-01-06T22:28:28+00:00

Respect. Be respectful. Laura Doyle probably has the best explanation for what that means and looks like. Respect is like oxygen to men and when they feel respected they tend to respond more loving. The book “Love and Respect” was eye opening for me.

Additionally, flirty talk “Hey, remember Tuesday when we ___? Well, I’d like to ____.” I’m terrible at the flirty talk and I get embarrassed easily which my H thinks is adorable. And wearing something sexy to bed that says I’m in the mood and allows my husband to feel confident initiating.

gold-ee · 2022-01-06T23:14:51+00:00

I am going through something similar. My body isn’t what I wish it was and I’m in a stressful season of life where I don’t always have time or energy to give (we’re each working approx 60-70 hours per week right now at two jobs).

For me personally, I’ve learned that I can’t be a fully sexual person unless I’ve gotten all the way relaxed. My hair has to be done, my kitchen has to be clean, my floors have to be vacuumed, I need to wear something both sexy AND comfortable. Feeling a little too lumpy to be hot is just the icing on the cake. I bought some impractical fast fashion sweater dresses to meet this need lol.

My husband does not care what I wear and he can get it in with dirty dishes but I absolutely can not enjoy myself unless things are at least mostly under control. I think it might be unpopular to admit in this sub but ever since I figured this out and shared it with my husband, he’s learned the power of a 15 minute power clean. It’s not that he’s trading chores for sex or doing me a favor; it’s that him dedicating a little bit of time to tidying our home up lifts a mental burden off of me and makes me feel free and light enough to get in bed with him.

Your list of things you need to do to feel totally comfortable might look different then mine, but if you haven’t already, it’s worth figuring out what YOU need to FEEL attractive to your husband. What do you really really need? That’s your man!!! Does flirting with him and seducing him sound fun? Do you trust him? Do you believe that you both have the capacity to share a fulfilling and playful sex life?? I bet he’s ready to shed his socially acceptable exterior and have sexy fun with you. But what do YOU need?

Zerofication · 2022-01-07T22:33:06+00:00

If you keep allowing sex even if you don't feel like it, then you're already doing a better job than most women in human history. The rest, such as being welcoming and personal hygiene, is secondary.

Octopus1027 · 2022-01-07T22:17:54+00:00

I wholeheartedly recommend you read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It really helped me understand sex drive and sexual connection.

yousedtobecool · 2022-01-06T21:32:01+00:00

Is there anything particular that he has said he likes to see you in?

My husband loves crop tops. Obviously I’m not going to wear one outside the house or really anywhere BUT I found a cutesy one to sleep in. Sometimes when I am feeling in the mood, I take a good, long shower (all the extra hair stuff, shaving, all the face masks and such.. then, I use some tanning water/spray to give myself a little color, use all my face creams too)… then I make sure he sees me get into bed in that top and some cutesy undies. It almost always does the trick.

I am not in my best ever shape. I’ve had three kids, I’ve lost my workout drive since taking care of my husband with his back issue this past year plus the pandemic. But when I do allll of the above, mostly just taking time for myself, it gives me a boost of self confidence even when I’m not at my best that I’ve been.

Side note, my husband started to have a low sex drive around the same age and it turns out he had abnormally low testosterone and a few other things going on. I would recommend him getting these checked out to make sure there isn’t something else to be looking in to.

MuseofPetrichor · 2022-01-07T11:18:15+00:00

Even though I'm obese, yoga and belly dance make me feel more attractive. Wearing skimpy clothes around your husband might inspire him to initiate. Or changing clothes around him. I know my husband always has to make a comment or make a move if I change my clothes or just wear a sleep-shirt and undies.

DeLovehlyCoconute · 2022-01-07T21:22:20+00:00

Flirting and teasing. It can be more subtle if you'd like to do it that way like mannerisms. Stay sweet and loving. Compliment him and your marriage with him. It doesn't need to be overt sexual body language like purposeful wardrobe malfunctions lol! Does he like vocal queues or is that too aggressive? You also sound to be a little wound up by stress, that can't be helpful either. Focus on your own needs and maybe this non-aggressive or overt sexuality will come to you through your own feminine nature.

chivelily · 2022-01-09T21:48:15+00:00

I can relate. My husband takes medication that can really hit his sex drive. Some things that work for me:
-Keep up your exercise! It helps a ton with confidence and sex drive. It does take time to work, but it'll improve your endorphins and feel-good hormones quickly. Encourage him to exercise with you without being pushy.
-Buy beautiful underwear, lingerie, or clothes. Like clothes YOU feel beautiful in. You'll find a style that brings out your best self. Don't wait until you're the ideal weight
-Dye your hair a different color or get a new haircut
-Watch a sexy movie or tv show with him.
-Give him a full body massage. Happy endings every time!
-Bend over a lot around him. Oops, dropped my keys :)
-Go to bed naked.
-Do the "come hither" finger with a smirk face at him while in the shower.

santarosa2020 · 2022-01-06T22:18:04+00:00

You will start to look better within a week of starting exercise and proper diet. This is because exercise and a healthy diet improves your blood flow and makes the skin look good. The best advice is to start eating healthier and exercising today.

For healthier diet, just start with small changes that you can realistically keep up. Try to do the same with exercise. 30 minutes of walking a day is better than 3 hours at the gym if you can keep up the walking across years.

cheaperthantherapyyy · 2022-01-06T21:55:10+00:00

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Spacechicken1998 · 2022-03-03T09:16:47+00:00

What I did at my heaviest was practise alone with toys to be able to master my own sexuality and once I felt good about being able to enjoy sex thoroughly I brought that energy into the bedroom.

Once he does innitiate I'd try some new techniques too keep things interesting, even just suggesting new positions.

Also all men love beautiful lingerie, I wouldt go for anything gaudy or cheap looking. But some nice matching undies that flatter your assets are a sure confidence booster. Once you feel confident he will automatically think if you as more attractive.

Title	Advice for being more attractive to my husband, while in a body he’s not entirely attracted to?
Author	cheaperthantherapyyy
Upvotes	42
Comments	38
Date	January 6, 2022 9:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/rxouyt/advice_for_being_more_attractive_to_my_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/advice-for-being-more-attractive-to-my-husband.1094263 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094263

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