I fell in love at first sight in 8th grade, seeing one guy in my class. It was the middle of the year, too. I never noticed him before that, but one day, I just looked at him and fell. He was tall, handsome, athletic, and really funny. I guess what 14 year olds like. I was obsessed for the next 4 years. Blindly in love. I felt like I was high all the time. I woke up in the morning thinking of him, and I went to bed thinking of him. It did not help that he lived across the street from me. I could not escape him even on summer break or after school - he was always there. I thought he was kind, funny, and I could see he was popular with everyone. And every girl thought he was extremely handsome. I was a wallflower, not noticed really by any boys. But he noticed me in school and that fanned the flames even more.

I have an abusive father. Whenever I would walk through my door after school, my dad would be there, scowling. He is a very cruel man. He would hit me, slander me, make me feel like trash. He said I was gonna end up being a stripper one day because I was so stupid - things like this. My grades were slipping in high school because I was focused on a boy the whole time. I projected everything I wanted in a guy onto my crush bc of my father. I imagined that he was the sweetest, kindest, most romantic man. and honestly… my soulmate. Silly and pathetic, but I guess it was my coping mechanism.

Anyways, a friend convinced me one day to tell him my true feelings. I did, and it was not a fairytale ending. He laughed at me, and said he had no feelings for me. I actually thought he did. There were little signs - but I was 17 and stupid in love. Thinking he was a good person as I was idealizing him for years prior. He told his friends. For senior year I had to tread lightly. I hid from him and his friends. He ignored me completely from there on. I felt disgusting, ugly, unwanted, all of that. I wanted to end myself. He got a girlfriend, hot and blonde, with big… assets. She was also extremely intelligent, going to a famous engineering school. He had a type. My dream man fell apart. And so did my life at the time. I had poor grades, felt ugly, talentless, worthless… I don’t know where he is today, all I know is he is back in his home country. His parents sold the house and moved away years ago.

I’m in my mid-20s now. I know better than to fall head over heels on a man now. It corrupts you, and blinds you. You can’t eat, sleep, study, concentrate - nothing. Idealize them, for what? Only to be let down. Don’t do it. See how they actually are before falling for them, at least 6 months. Have one foot out of the door, ready at any moment. Date other men. They could be a complete LVM.

Learn from me. Don’t ever allow yourself to be treated like that by a man. I joined FDS because… I was tired of being walked on by men. My crime was loving this guy, and loving my dad. They tormented me instead, made me want to end it all some days. Be careful and keep yourself grounded. Thanks for reading ❤️