In a LTR and girlfriend brings up how cute my friend is every time he comes up - how did I let this happen?

Jaso-n · 2016-08-23T14:49:02+00:00

Take her off the payroll without telling her. Implicitly demote to plate.

She wasn't yours, it was just your turn.

trpthroway123 · 2016-08-23T15:35:47+00:00

It's a basic shit test. The fact that you're asking about it, and she keeps re-using it, means you keep failing.

How you handle it depends on you, but I usually stick with "Is this your way of trying to set up a threesome?" Said jokingly, of course.

Then, when one of her attractive friends come up in conversation, casually mention that she's cute and give your girl a wink.

Worse case scenario, she already mentally branch swung and it was over regardless. Best case scenario, threesome with her cute friend and no more comments.

Envek1 · 2016-08-23T17:36:51+00:00

Dump her, I had an ex that would say other guys are cute despite giving me affection. She was a Grade A Thot.

rollhax · 2016-08-23T18:10:16+00:00

Some of these other commenters are stuck in the anger phase. I see three options. Regardless, never show your hand until you're ready; allow her to feel comfortable expressing herself truthfully without fear of being judged, and make your decision based off of that.

One, A&A: "yeah, he is; threesome?" with a grin. if she agrees or shows interest in it, dump her.

Two, semi nuclear: "continue disrespecting me like that and see how far it gets you." Follow through with hard next if it continues. Draw the line in the sand, let her choose to cross it or not.

Three, nuclear: "Do I seem like the type to allow others to disrespect me like that? We're done."

AFPJ · 2016-08-23T17:06:44+00:00

To stuff like what /u/Envek1 and /u/dragonpants6 are saying ...I don't know. First, OP, this isn't something to undo or worry about, you're going to have to deal with the fact that there's other people both of you would rather be fucking if you could ...but you can't and that's why you're together. You've "chosen" each other (out of the choices you two had)

All of em are like that, this one just says it outright. Drop hints about who you think is cute and see how she reacts.

How much you two are willing to lie to each other to coddle your feelings is a mutually made dating choice.

[deleted] · 2016-08-23T16:25:55+00:00

She's not your LTR any more. You can't "undo" it.

Let's not forget that women do have freedom of choice and it's possible she's not going to choose you. Accepting rejection is one of the biggest steps you can take in self-development.

Downgrade the relationship to fuck-buddies, be single a while, or look for something new.

[deleted] · 2016-08-23T14:42:00+00:00

Offer to run a train on her then a month later say something like, "this just aint working out" and break up with her.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-08-24T06:36:37+00:00

3x in 6 months doesn't seem like that big a deal. That said, you could try this:

Her: "Eddie is soooooooooooo cute"

You: "You keep saying that. Now I'm starting to think about fucking him."

Her: "Wut?"

You: "For realz. I was thinking he could move in and we would get 'his & his' matching chihuahuas and stay in an Sunday watching Bravo together. It would be great...."

Note: this will be way easier to pull off if you have a dry sense of humor.

Alt:

Her: "Eddie is soooooooooooo cute"

You: "Yeah, he is. I've been fucking him for a month, but I'm pitching and he's catching so it doesn't 'count' for me, gay-wise."

Note2: You should be lining up other women to fuck. Of course, you should always be doing this. Always be closing. Always.Be.Closing.

mehdreamer · 2016-08-23T14:55:23+00:00

Wether she's shit testing you...or worse, preparing to branch swing. If it is a shit test...use amused mastery and try to make her jealous while talking to that cute blond waitress.

If it is a branch swing...she's gonna leave you ass soon. Ask your cute friend to try to seduce you GF...and if she's receptive, dump her.

[deleted] · 2016-08-23T22:23:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sensei_Hensei · 2016-08-23T19:47:11+00:00

Shit test basic. Agree with her in a sarcastic way.

youcantdenythat · 2016-08-23T20:38:09+00:00

He's not too bad, but not as cute as <insert her friend's name here>.

How she responds determines if I next her or not.

returnofthemackX · 2016-08-23T14:42:43+00:00

It's a red flag shit test. Say something like 'yes he is, I might actually go gay for him'

[deleted] · 2016-08-23T14:36:22+00:00

Dump instantly wtf? You cuck.

DiebytheSword666 · 2016-08-23T17:30:40+00:00

Three times in 6 months doesn't sound like much. She might be testing you to see how secure you are.

What exactly is she saying? Is it a simple, "He looks cute today." or when she says it, does she go on about something really specific. Maybe you're average height, and she saying, "Wow, blah-blah is SO tall. I find it incredibly sexy and manly when a man's over 6'3"!"

Or is said-friend really in shape and perhaps you're not as much? If so, it might be her way of saying, "Get in shape!" Who knows?

Best of luck to ya.

mty_green_go · 2016-08-23T15:53:52+00:00

Ignore it and act unphased. Maybe some playful encouragement, yeah you should date him instead. Start hitting on other girls in front of her. But not directly after she makes comments. make it part of who you are.

3 times in 6 months is nothing dude. You're being a bit paranoid. But step up your own similar comments... ask her if her sister or mom want to have a threesome. etc.

quartermanpete · 2016-08-23T19:07:23+00:00

Maybe it's just a shit test, ignore it

RPIreland · 2016-08-23T19:24:41+00:00

Just lol at all the mad as fuck nuclear responses ITT. It's just a shit test, no woman is going to overtly call a guys friend cute like that if she was seriously considering branch swinging to him unless she was a full on sociopath. This is regular enough shit and you should be able to handle it without getting your panties in a bunch like 95% of responses here.

Agree and Amplify: "Yeah, I think about leaving you for him" etc etc. every time she does it, then withdraw a bit of attention for a few days and she will get the message. She is just testing your confidence and I guess she is right to judging by this thread.

___Jamie___ · 2016-08-23T19:50:09+00:00

Are you open to swinging?

Don_Keydick · 2016-08-23T20:25:56+00:00

I wouldn't tolerate that. I would dump her because I don't tolerate disrespect in my relationship

Cunt_Robber · 2016-08-23T20:36:48+00:00

Lot of right answers in comments. My 2 cents: work on maturing yourself emotionally. What I mean by this is after enough experiences and mindfulness, a self-awareness will set in and you will gradually have a greater handle over your emotions, affecting your ability to reason/think clearly, impacting how you create and sustain relationships with others, how you carry yourself and your level of discipline, etc. especially in an LTR where you might be lovestruck and quite biased in your thought processes, this will become important.

There are many advantages to this: 1. less likely to get oneitis/attachment, better understanding of what sets that off in you; easier to walk away or next. 2. less likely to bend back to beta behavior; allows clear thinking (wit, passing shit-tests, etc.), independence (remain alpha), discipline (life's hard, we need it to succeed) . 3. hold frame better

It took a while for me to get a good grasp over them. But I think it's one of the most important things (that maybe isn't mentioned enough on here, or taken for granted) to building a strong frame, having discipline, and succeeding as an RP man

Cunt_Robber · 2016-08-23T20:37:58+00:00

Lot of right answers in comments. My 2 cents: work on maturing yourself emotionally. What I mean by this is after enough experiences and mindfulness, a self-awareness will set in and you will gradually have a greater handle over your emotions, affecting your ability to reason/think clearly, impacting how you create and sustain relationships with others, how you carry yourself and your level of discipline, etc. especially in an LTR where you might be lovestruck and quite biased in your thought processes, this will become important.

There are many advantages to this: 1. less likely to get oneitis/attachment, better understanding of what sets that off in you; easier to walk away or next. 2. less likely to bend back to beta behavior; allows clear thinking (wit, passing shit-tests, etc.), independence (remain alpha), discipline (life's hard, we need it to succeed) . 3. hold frame better

It took a while for me to get a good grasp over them. But I think it's one of the most important things (that maybe isn't mentioned enough on here, or taken for granted) to building a strong frame, having discipline, and succeeding as an RP man

The__Tren__Train · 2016-08-23T22:51:03+00:00

Demote to plate and date other women

Also, get shredded and tan

trp_dude · 2016-08-23T23:27:57+00:00

Ignore it.

ecosci · 2016-08-25T02:45:54+00:00

She is trying to see if your jealous which means she can fuck other guys and get away with it you should never comment on this make a bitch wonder what will happen if she did because they hate being replaced.

edwardhwhite · 2016-08-23T16:58:45+00:00

A and A "oh yeah, I agree, I am only with you until he becomes available." Amused mastery: "ohhhh does somebody have a little crush?"

[deleted] · 2016-08-23T17:09:28+00:00

"Yeah I'd fuck him"

Title	In a LTR and girlfriend brings up how cute my friend is every time he comes up - how did I let this happen?
Author	absolutesofa
Upvotes	26
Comments	43
Date	August 23, 2016 2:30 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4z6qe7/in_a_ltr_and_girlfriend_brings_up_how_cute_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/in-a-ltr-and-girlfriend-brings-up-how-cute-my.110167 https://theredarchive.com/post/110167

Comments