I am in my late 20s now and had a shift in my mindset about 3 years ago after I lived and worked abroad in a foreign country with the notion I will eventually come back home.

In that time of living away I felt I was in control of my life- any dates I went on I knew I would be ending it and none of the dating would be serious over there. I had the best year of my life being single, making good money, met some really great people, explored a completely different culture than mine, and travelled heaps that I was able to get into a mindset of “I love my single life so much that I no longer have a need for LVM. I would so much rather be single than be in a relationship with a scrote.” (The same thinking went to non romantic relationships as well- I’ve cut a lot of toxicity out of my life by blocking and deleting on social media) I’m in the mindset now of looking out for myself being financially independent and only surrounding myself with HV people. My peace is too valuable to be spending time and money on trash.

I had a male friend from back home I was talking to for a bit nearing the end of my contract and he asked me if he could take me on a date when I get home. I met this man probably about 6 years ago through my best friend and we always cheered each other on from social media and met up the odd time. I learned that he has had a crush on me for awhile. I vetted him properly and set boundaries at the beginning and it’s been 2 years now that we’ve been together and I have never felt so respected and taken care of in my life. I have a HVM now who is ambitious, respects me, is responsible, and is loyal. I never have to ask him to do anything. He is the same as me in terms of values, morales, hobbies,and goals. I have 0 relationship anxiety being with him.

This is so different than what I am used to in my past. I had such low self esteem, low confidence and no ability to say no. I would literally date any man who asked me out and end up in the most horrific relationships. I’ll give just a small bit of examples for each LVM. There’s way more crap than just this.

One LVM ex would say racial things in front of me in public to get a rise out of me, he was obsessed with guns, porn and video games. He wore camo and had poor hygiene. He told me at the gym that the girl lifting weights next to us reminded him of his favourite porn star. He would put me down in front of people in college.

A second LV ex would tell me he can only get off from anal and try to coerce me even though I’ve told him no a million times. He failed university a couple of times and was high everyday with no motivation. His mother asked me why I was with him and how can she get him to be better. I thought “he’s such a nice guy, maybe me being motivated will rub off on him”. I stayed with him for 3 years.

A third LV ex played mind games with me on and off for 2 years. He r*ped me. He manipulated me and threatened me if I broke up with him he would date my best friend (at the time she was LV as well- she ended up going for him). He was also obsessed with porn and video games.

There is so much trash out there. These are just my experiences but I see LVM everywhere now. My mom is finally divorcing my LVM dad and she told me he used to flirt and kiss waitresses infront of her when she was pregnant. My friend (I’ve distanced myself from her) who is a huge pick me found out her husband and father of her 1 year old has been googling how to get away with cheating on your wife (and ended up cheating with 2 women) She thinks she can fix it by trying for more kids. Everyone told her not to marry him as he was full of red flags (lying, can’t keep a job, racist). She insisted he could change and that he’s a very sweet man. His mother threatened she would disown him if he didn’t propose to her since they were very religious and living together.

Be careful out there.