How did you start it? should I wait?

theOtherMusicJunkie · 2022-05-04T23:50:42+00:00

IL is a 50/50 state. File now, and your credit card debt and car loan are also split between you, more or less. You can possibly fast track it all if you can prove you're separated, even living in the same house... as long as finances and food (I kid you not) are separate. It all sucks either way., unfortunately. Mediation is the way to go, if you can both agree to everything and play nice. I'm in the same boat.... I've had some lawyer consults, and I have 1 lawyer waiting for a retainer if or when mediation breaks down. Good luck!

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-05-04T21:50:36+00:00

There is nothing gained by waiting. Filing for divorce is just the first step in a long journey. But that filing starts the clock, and gives you a separation time stamp.

I highly doubt a lawyer will get you a better deal. If you lawyer up, so will she, and now alimony becomes the sticking point. Once that’s decided, there will be child support to further equalize your incomes.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-05-05T00:28:29+00:00

I hear you, I was in the same place at the beginning too. I wish someone had suggested to me to interview 3 attorneys and to pick the one I liked best. Some of the best advice I got was that most divorces start out amicably, but don't end up that way.

Take the advice of your lawyer. As I understand it, she gets half of everything, including debt. If you pay off things it's free money for her. My lawyer told me to not be too crazy in giving away stuff, because we may need that leverage later. Turned out to be correct.

Good luck, please post often!

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-05T01:54:45+00:00

If there isn't a lot of conflict, then why divorce right now? Do you want to start dating or just be out of the house? And typically (not legal advice), you don't want to pay off your debts before you head into a divorce. You also don't want a raise or promotion. The worse of a financial position you are in headed into and throughout a divorce, the better it is in most cases.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-05T13:57:07+00:00

All waiting will do is cause you to pay more in spousal support to her. Duration is a function of the length of the marriage.

You have an irrational belief that both of you can use one attorney. That's not possible. An attorney can only represent one of you. And when the attorney is not representing you, they are looking out for your spouse's interests -- not yours.

> I think she could make as much as me at a firm if she choose to.

Determining if a spouse is underemployed requires a vocational evaluation, which is several thousand dollars. It's one of the best ROI during a divorce from the savings you will realize from CS/SS over many years.

Dry-Rub · 2022-05-04T21:40:45+00:00

Same. Already paid a lawyer but backed off for now due to very young child (<1 year old) and housing market is going to fuck at least one of us.

xjeeperx · 2022-05-05T00:40:56+00:00

Jump in feet first. Draw up what you’re willing to do, then decrease it by half, and let her talk you up to what you already decided to do.

Title	How did you start it? should I wait?
Author	waitingforsilence
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	May 4, 2022 9:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/uigri4/how_did_you_start_it_should_i_wait/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-start-it-should-i-wait.1115534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115534

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