An issue happened and I want some insight.

Kuato2012 · 2022-06-16T15:07:07+00:00

Removed because this isn't really the right forum. You could try AITA or relationships or suchlike.

Edit: or mensupportmen

SirSourPuss · 2022-06-16T14:07:28+00:00

We are fine and she was never mad as far as I can tell.

My SO is still mad , she tells me it’s not about me and I think everything is about me but after my comment her attitude has been rather negative to me

I asked her to explain it to me then and she just says not everything is about you

Sounds like she's making everything about herself.

SweatyAdvance · 2022-06-16T13:54:25+00:00

Also about 12 years ago , my SO was in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Was she the abusive one?

ripyourlungsdave · 2022-06-16T14:24:56+00:00

This is exactly what abusers do when they realize they have no more arguments left. Make you feel wrong without explaining why you are. It’s the most useless thing you can say in a serious relationship. If there’s a problem and you are refusing to tell the person what the problem is, you’re just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

I’m not calling your girl an asshole. But that is an asshole-ish thing to do.

FightHateWithLove · 2022-06-16T14:10:46+00:00

Apparently my SO interpreted the comment as her only value is she’s funny and pretty.

https://i.redd.it/zka9bro66dm71.jpg

MazerTag · 2022-06-16T14:00:22+00:00

Your SO is manipulating you. You need to tell her to cut the shit or learn to ignore her tantrums and schemes to "punish" you for whatever she wants to claim you did wrong.

This is textbook emotional abuse.

EddgeLord666 · 2022-06-16T14:22:26+00:00

Honestly doesn’t seem like you have a very good SO, I’m not sure why you would want to stay with someone like that.

2022-06-16T14:47:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Matthmaroo · 2022-06-16T14:03:17+00:00

Please tell you're not married to her

Talik1978 · 2022-06-16T14:44:42+00:00

Apparently my SO interpreted the comment as her only value is she’s funny and pretty.

That is both a physical and a personality compliment. It seems pretty rounded, especially in the context of social dating interaction. I mean, sense of humor and personality are rather important when evaluating dating options and success. Her position that you were dismissing other aspects of your stepdaughter with your compliment is a bit of a stretch.

My SO is still mad , she tells me it’s not about me and I think everything is about me but after my comment her attitude has been rather negative to me.

No, but there was someone doing that.

So yesterday my stepson was talking to a girl for the first time and I was congratulating him on how he handled it. Then, stepdaughter got jealous or something and wanted Praise.

Your stepdaughter took affirmation concerning something positive your neurodivergent stepson did and felt the need to make it about her. I may consider an age appropriate way of addressing this with her, but providing words of affirmation to her was certainly not out of line, and including relevant social personality traits in that affirmation is pretty reasonable. Given that they are both apparently of an age to be romantically interested in other people, it's a subject they should be able to take in.

Does your SO have any insecurities regarding you and preferential treatment of your stepson vs your stepdaughter? If so, she may be making this about her insecurities, rather than your supportive handling of both children. There's something more at work here, regardless. Whether that's miscommunication regarding parenting of the stepdaughter, or the appearance of preferential treatment (whether real or imagined), or even something else, your partner has something that's inspiring her frustration.

Either way, it's a positive sign that your stepson comes to you with his triumphs, and that your stepdaughter feels comfortable speaking about her insecurities with you.

Acceptable-Success56 · 2022-06-16T14:23:14+00:00

She's hurt. Anger is hurt's body guard. Your comment may have triggered a tender spot that has been hurt a lot throughout her life and is still tender, so even though your comment was very benign it still could have hurt. So if she is hurt it is not necessarily your fault as much as her wounds from life not being healed. Healing herself is her responsibility. If you wanted to give a shit, you could acknowledge the various wounds that she has and adjust the way you regard her at those times, but that is definitely not your responsibility and definitely not to the extent that she gets to just "keep" her wounds exposed and raw. And the notion of "It's just a joke" when somebody obviously felt it more sharply is tired. Don't do that shit. Some times "jokes" hit tender spots accidentally, and we should acknowledge that instead of dismissing the wincing that somebody is doing at that pain as overreacting.

Don't listen to these other people saying, she is manipulating you. No she isn't. She's hurt in ways that you have probably never felt as a man.

IMO, no you are not the bad guy. But you are also not the understanding partner that is indicating that they care that their partner is hurting. A simple, "I can see that you are hurting, I want you to feel better, I know there isn't much I can do as it's not fully about me, I know this is more than a whoops joke not landing right. I think that you are ____________ [and insert something positive that doesn't have to do with being pretty, preferably an accomplishment of some sort, or something she has put effort into being.] And I want to understand when you feel open to talking to me." And when she does do not let her place blame on you as she might try to do out of self preservation. You can say "This isn't about me and what I did or didn't do wrong and we know it. This is about something with you and a sore spot you might have that I might not fully understand. Let's talk about that."

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