Whenever a woman's dating profile says: "Just got out of an abusive relationship and want a good man who doesn't hit women or do drugs", here's a typical backstory for why.

TourismCarcosa · 2022-07-01T12:28:47+00:00

But he was hawwt and gave the tingles

Joaquino7997 · 2022-07-01T12:26:05+00:00

First of all, I'm sorry to learn of her ordeal.

BUT...if I'm being honest, she needs to own up to her part of this thing.

Out of ALL the men in the world, he is whom SHE chose.

She chose to deal with all his physical and mental abuse for 8 years. No one else is to blame but her for this.

If I learned this about a woman, I would be out like three strikes. She has far too much baggage from this relationship (and who know however many others) to be open to engage in another healthy romantic relationship with anyone else.

MastermindX · 2022-07-01T14:29:52+00:00

It's curious how women can ghost or dump a man for minuscule reasons, like having an android phone or being the wrong horoscope. It's so easy for them, and they pay no mind to it.

But when the man who gives her the tingles does something like this, somehow they find a million reasons not to: "he tearfully apologized", "his traumatic childhood", "I felt too much guilt and shame", etc.

If she was with a nice man and he did something that upset her, it wouldn't help that he apologized tearfully and told her about his traumatic childhood. She would recoil in horror and run.

NutsLikeMelons · 2022-07-01T13:47:56+00:00

In no way do I condone the actions of the man here. In no way do I blame the victim for the trauma or the trauma response.

What I do say is that no sane man should follow this. You will spend a lifetime paying for the crimes of a lesser man. Does she deserve not to find love because of this? No. Does a new man deserve to inherit this? No also.

As tough as it sounds, without therapy and a lot of work this woman is damaged beyond repair. To be avoided at all costs. Men - don’t ever set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.

thewhiskey_zulu · 2022-07-01T12:36:09+00:00

I had an ex-girlfriend who tried to slap me once. I say tried and once because I dodged it, and then left going completely no contact after that. "But I can change him" honey no you can't if you are holding on to a hand grenade because it's exciting. Don't be surprised when it blows up.

railworx · 2022-07-01T12:31:56+00:00

& shell probably go back yet again

leroy2007 · 2022-07-01T15:12:24+00:00

It always astounds me when women mention being a domestic abuse survivor in their dating profile. Why? Do they it realize that any emotionally healthy man is going to avoid them and that the men who don’t either have a savior complex or abusive tendencies. Trauma dumping is such a giant red flag

ronoda12 · 2022-07-01T16:45:28+00:00

If you choose garbage you are garbage

SnakeEyeskid · 2022-07-01T12:49:55+00:00

She need to do some introspection because she claims (no reason to disbelieve it)to have suffered 8 years of abuse. It's hard to do since even if she is a victim there is a reason she ended in that situation that she need to recognize to be avoid it in the future.

She either attracts that kind or seek them out unknowingly. I have two relatives working with domestic abusers (in prison) and a third who works with the victims in shelters. Most return to their abuser or finds/is found by a similar predatory person. Its rarely happy endings.

Its very hard to break those patterns since they get so used to the a-use and they might have started linking violence to love.

Its a mess. Met a girl, she had been beaten at home and it had messed her up, she wanted, rougher bed times then I felt comfortable with.

It was like she only felt love if she got beaten. It felt so unhealthy, I guess she even tried to provoke me, but I just couldn't do it. This wasn't some role-playing, but "give me a black Eye and knock me out" kind of psycho.".

AntiCultist21 · 2022-07-01T21:10:43+00:00

At least she’s not bored

Siddyf · 2022-07-01T18:18:11+00:00

Is she going to have this as her future profile pic so the guys know she digs getting beat.

SwiftStrik3 · 2022-07-01T15:21:38+00:00

Probably thought she could fix him on top of feeling muh tingles.

If you dare say something like, you could have left anytime or something about having her own up to her shit it's automatic victim blaming by women's standards.

mustangfrank · 2022-07-01T22:11:26+00:00

In my country, we called those women "bubble gum"...

The more the abuser steps on them, the more she sticks with them!

It's sad to see really but most guys know not to get involved in defending her, as she will run back to her abuser.

Individual-Draw-7307 · 2022-07-01T13:34:01+00:00

For the love of bad boys.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-07-01T18:59:34+00:00

Hence the profile of a pedo on tinder who got tons of hits and women chasing even though he admitted to acts with children. Chad has no rules applied to him.

Fluid_Fold5799 · 2022-07-01T18:23:01+00:00

That's what you get for going after the "hawt bad boys". Maybe those beta guys weren't so bad after all? Also if i did read this right she stayed with him at least 4 years because he would apologise and make excuses? Then she is just as guilty and very stupid. Guess his dick was worth the suffering.

Edit: Nvm, she stayed with him for 8 fucking years. Fucking hell, i don't know what to say.

alldaycray · 2022-07-01T14:29:45+00:00

Basically she married an abusive drug addict.

Ok so first off no man is going to advertise that they hit women and do drugs. Well the drug part maybe ...

And they could always lie... So I feel it's kind of pointless to put that in your profile. It's equivalent to saying I want a good man. Well duh....

All it tells me is that you suck at choosing men and that you're damaged goods that probably now hate men. Or want a man that's subservient that does everything you say.

Profitglutton · 2022-07-02T00:06:38+00:00

She’s gonna get with a good man who treats her right and cheat on him with this piece of crap who sent her to the hospital. Take as old as time.

2022-07-02T18:37:29+00:00

Women: If he abuses you, cheats, drinks, does drugs, lazy, petty thug - he's never gonna change.

Men: Yep, pretty much.

A few moments later.................

Men: Can't change a hoe into a housewife.

Women: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, misogyny! Past doesn't matter, she's with YOU now! Who hurt you? Small dick, insecure, can't get laid... REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*keep in mind "NOW" is the key word. She'll be thirstin' for some random hot new sex any minute now. Just like that alcoholic is gonna be thirstin' for some booze.

LVL50JustThisGuy · 2022-07-02T00:57:05+00:00

Eight Freakin' Years?!!?

...and she still needed proof?!?

Issues on all sides.

Imperium_Britannia · 2022-07-02T03:37:03+00:00

Isn't that the reason she married him in the first place?

MattyK414 · 2022-07-02T07:17:07+00:00

I can't help who she loooooooves!

Diomil · 2022-07-02T03:02:50+00:00

I don't understand how she can stay with someone like that for so long.

XavierMalory · 2022-07-03T18:10:32+00:00

As usual, practically all the comments to this are worth perusing, but because I saved this post as a favorite, I wanted to highlight some of the best ones here (usernames added because credit where it's due):

copehoperope:
"A woman will always try to find flaws within you, unless you’re a savage, then she’ll try to find the goodness within you. Because, women seek that which isn’t there."

Blackbarnabyjones:
"Water seeks water at it's own level."

thewhiskey_zulu:
"But I can change him. Honey no you can't; you are holding on to a hand grenade because it's exciting. Don't be surprised when it blows up."

NutsLikeMelons:
"Men - don’t ever set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm."

ronoda12:
"If you choose garbage you are garbage"

JohnDax:
"In my country, we called those women "bubble gum". The more the abuser steps on them, the more she sticks with them!"

SuddenReality8151 · 2022-07-05T20:18:49+00:00

I've been with a few women who told me their past relationships were abusive which is a huge red flag. If a woman occssionally chooses a stable, responsible "nice guy" what happens is if that guy slips up once; to whatever degree, whether it be a subtle comment about her weight or hell just simply telling her "no", she fucking explodes on him. You would be surprised how a simple firm "no" can affect a damaged woman.

Throughout those nightmare past relationships of hers, she's gradually building a huge defensive wall against even the slightest attack by someone she does not feel threatened by.

If you're not too attached you can easily push her away at that point or she may even walk out on you. She will come back eventually (but you don't want that)

Weekly_Painting_3916 · 2022-07-05T20:50:02+00:00

Consider women initiate 70% of domestic abuse... odds are - she was the initiator.

HadBeenDoneThrown · 2022-07-19T22:53:29+00:00

If he was short and ugly, there wouldn't have even been a post about it. Save yourself, fellow posters. Life is too short to fix other people's predicaments.

Certain_Beyond3190 · 2022-09-04T15:07:22+00:00

As a man who has grown up with abuse and trauma, it always blows my mind how excited and eager women are to talk about theirs

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