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Man falls into a coma after car crash, court chooses to move forward with divorce/custody hearing, awards full custody to wife along with 6 figures plus interest for the time he was in a coma.

CatPeedOnTheSofa

July 9, 2022
640 upvotes
/r/MensRights

np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vuob76/i_lost_the_chance_to_be_in_my_daughters_life_due/

Society really thinks men are just some teat to be sucked dry

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Title Man falls into a coma after car crash, court chooses to move forward with divorce/custody hearing, awards full custody to wife along with 6 figures plus interest for the time he was in a coma.
Author

CatPeedOnTheSofa

Upvotes 640
Comments 47
Date July 9, 2022 12:02 AM UTC
(4 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/vuolmp/man_falls_into_a_coma_after_car_crash_court/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/man-falls-into-a-coma-after-car-crash-court.1122505
https://theredarchive.com/post/1122505
Top posts by CatPeedOnTheSofa

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11 upvotes
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Comments

[–]Alarmed-Call8569 129 points130 points131 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That reads like an Onion headline

[–]Awe_Rux 73 points74 points75 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

STOP

GETTING

MARRIED

[–]RedcloudGeorge 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

A valid point, whether the man in this particular story was married or not. My whole life, I've seen people brainwashed into thinking they need to get married as soon as they have feelings for someone, or even just because they're a legal adult, at which point they're anxiously trying to "find someone."

Some years down the road--or even just months after the wedding--so, so many of them are divorced or resigned to riding out a miserable, diminished life, afraid to leave but suffering the draconian restrictions their partners put on anything they do or say. Some get punished just for things they think about.

Look around at pretty much any aspect of our culture, and you'll see messages of "GET MARRIED! GET MARRIED! GET MARRIED!" insinuated in some way. Understandably, that can be tough to resist. Even the harsh reality is downplayed, treated as a joke. I was just reading an old comic book where a fierce, bold warrior is heading off to battle but then suddenly runs and hides from the one thing that strikes terror into him: his wife. Ha. Ha. But there's a reason he'd rather face war than have his spirit chipped and whittled away.

You don't have to rush to get married. Certainly don't marry someone you've known less than a year, when you're flush with the pleasure of the early stages of romance. Things will not always be the way they are then. They will definitely not be that way for the rest of your natural life.

Or, perhaps better still, heed the above comment.

[–]Zealousideal-Ad6205 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

He was not married.

[–]Awe_Rux 35 points36 points37 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title says wife, but you're right. You don't need to be married for the law to screw you.

[–]Ontariel12 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

And still got fucked by the court. At this point, the only way to be safe is to stay away.

[–]dokks 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Vasectomies are very efficient and much cheaper.

[–]copeharderhun 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup, got mine done for equivalent of $400 and now I'm save from hundreds of thousands for life.

[–]JayMeadows 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Okay, but say they didn't have kids or married and they were a couple for some years; would the court still think that's good enough to name her the Beneficiary regardless?

[–]dokks 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a good question. I imagine where you lived would play a big part of it.

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Very unlikely unless it was considered a common law marriage. I'm the one who was in coma.

[–]Potential-Mountain61 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

getting a prenup would certainly help, no?

[–]Shadowdragon409 178 points179 points180 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

If the wife wanted a divorce, she should definitely be allowed to do that regardless of whether he is in a coma or not. Maybe an annulment or something, but everything else is fucked. You can't just decide all of that without his representation.

[–]VerbotenVerb 65 points66 points67 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. No representation.

What a way to wake up... if he does

[–]vhisic41 points 4 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

Im going to assume he did wake up, you know due to posting this.

[–]VerbotenVerb 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Oh jeez, I didn't realize that it was linked. Damn... that's rough.

I'd definitely fight the courts if I were him. If a person is unable to be represented, the case should be thrown out/reverse the decision.

[–]bigdtbone 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Right! Like, the judge should not have allowed the divorce to proceed without having an advocate appointed for the guy.

Like, that is losing-qualified-immunity levels of fucked up. That guy should sue the judge who allowed that to go forward directly.

[–]OldEgalitarianMRA 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

At least file a complaint with the State Bar Association about the judge.

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Unfortunately judges have absolute immunity. That's over qualified immunity. You can't sue a judge for things done from bench. Like if you worked on a judges home and you didn't get paid you may be able to bring a lawsuit but if he messed up your sentencing too bad.

[–]vhisic 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

yea i mean this could just be a procedure thing, he should be able to present this to any sane judge and have it rectified at least somewhat.

[–]dokks 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Family court is rigged against him regardless.

[–]handemande1 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

They weren’t even married. https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vuob76/i_lost_the_chance_to_be_in_my_daughters_life_due/ifeyn8t

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Should’ve been required to provide him with health insurance via spousal support.

[–]TAPriceCTR 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If someone wants or needs the freedom to walk away just because they want to, she shouldn't get married! That's what marriage is! A commitment! It's a VOW! Not "to boredom do you part"

[–]Themarshmallowking2 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Saw your comment on the post

[–]BYEBYE1 28 points29 points30 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

He shouldn't have represented himself, he should have had a lawyer.

[–]xxTheMagicBulleT 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Crazy that this bullshit is allowed And people wonder why no guy wants to marry. Shocking right.

[–]fakevahi 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Family court screw men over 99% of the time but this story looks super fake. This was supposed to be a hearing for the custody of a child, not a divorce hearing, why would he have to pay his ex-girlfriend's debts and why would she get his house ? This makes 0 legal sense.

Plus the whole coma part is the icing on the cake "He can't come to the hearing because of an accident/because he's in a coma ? How dare he ?"

[–]Magical-Hummus 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Stuff like that is why we got the higher suicide rate.

[–]Face_Puzzleheaded 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Which country is this? This is so fucked up

[–]cjgager 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

need read whole thing. he admits - I look forward to the day I can share that update. I wish I could say I did everything right I made lots of mistakes when this first started and pissed off the judge when I first got into family courts. I have matured and learned a lot from being in the coma it made me reflect on lots of things and poor choices I made. I had such an ego and was cocky before the accident I was really unbearable. I made tons of mistakes. Thanks for your kindness.
this story needs a whole lot of back-up to be fully explained - not in some biased title line - he got the judge's assistants fired & a whole lot of other crap he did - so - this could happen to anyone who acts disrespectful to the courts WHOEVER they are - that is not a smart move. & BTW his "assistant" sounds pretty stupid imho.
i do feel sorry for the guy - but even he admits he acted not that good in the beginning. i hope things work out for him & his daughter.

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for putting this out there. I didn't post this intentionally to get men's rights up in arms. I also think the things I did have helped others more in my state's family courts than it's hurt others. I have had to sacrifice my daughters and my relationship because I went after the court. The courts had several issues. If I wouldn't have gone after it I'm sure my situation wouldn't be where it's at and I regret that my choices led to this outcome I don't think going after court was incorrect. The refusal to play the game is the mistakes I made. Jumping through the hoops and just not asking questions is what the courts expect I didn't and have paid a heavy price.

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't disrespect the courts, I exposed corruption and all those I got fired or that resigned did so to avoid legal consequences.

When you're dealing with a system that is rotten to the core it will lash out and stop it from continuing as quickly as possible.

This happened as retaliation for taking away kickbacks, other campaign donations to their offices and some of the fringe benefits of being a court employee. Those are things that need to be corrected.

[–]handemande1 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The OP writes that he was not married. No divorce

[–]oafsalot 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Cases like this are easy to get set aside and reheard, well normally.

[–]gckman915 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I always refered to women as a ball and chain. If you get married oland/or have kids, don't fall overboard because she will make sure you sink to the bottom of the deep, dark sea.

[–]Magos00110001-41 points 4 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

Frankly I doubt that this particular story is true. Not that the courts can’t screw people over.

[–]sgtm7 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

[–]Magos00110001-14 points 4 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

You don’t get to 265k in legal fees very quickly. Especially considering he didn’t appear to have a lawyer, I highly highly doubt it got that high. A contested divorce between 2 people is usually 10-20k and that’s when both people have attorneys.

[–]CatPeedOnTheSofa[S] 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

turns out they weren't even married. she was his live-in girlfriend and they had a young kid together.

[–]OldEgalitarianMRA 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My divorce and custody fight, nothing special, no false allegations, still cost 300K and lasted 14 years. Some custody fights never end. First we fought for 50/50 which I won. Then she fought to move three states away with our son and I won again. Just to lose my house due to debt.

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The 265k was over the first 4 years before the accident. The first filling from her attorneys was 215 pages. And that was one of the smallest ones. I realized early on that the cost of paying an attorney was going to get out of hand quickly most family lawyers in my state cost between $450-$1000 an hour. So it really doesn't require much time to run up the cost. I can tell you that the 10-20k number isn't even beginning to cover a contested custody case. That would maybe cover the retainer that will be used up in about a week's worth of work. 40 hours at $500 per is 20k. So over 4 years 265k is on the low end.

My attorney I have for the first 3 hearings cost me 75k he managed to allow forced DNA test even though I was the presumed father, drug testing of me not my partner even though I told him that was a bad idea (I'm prescribed Adderall) and then got my vists from unsupervised to supervised. My cost 75k from my own lawyer. I started representing myself after that got unsupervised 50/50 custody back and discredited the drug testing lab because they couldn't determine the difference between meth or Adderall on drug tests. Also got a tpo overturned. I definitely believe a lawyer is the best thing for those not aware of laws of evidence and how to write a legal brief. As someone who knows how to navigate the court system and who was winning the only downside is that because I was representing myself I didn't have someone who had the legal authority to approach the judge about my medical condition the day of trial. If I had known I was going to be under for a significant amount of time I would've asked my assistant to go hire me an attorney before they induced me into coma. It was a Wednesday I was supposed to be awake and home by Monday. I could then contact the court with the records of proof and the situation and had the order not be entered in the case. The fact I didn't wake up for 9 months the judge was told I was in an auto accident and at the hospital so I couldn't make it to court. The judge didn't have to believe some random lady calling in about a father who isn't showing up to court. Then she never heard from me again so after the 90 days to appeal an order had passed she was then obligated to sign the order. The judge should've realized a father that has been fighting so hard leading up to the trial then no shows the actual trial that something is seriously wrong here and we need to figure out what is going on with the father.

[–]Peter_Principle_ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

People have to keep in mind it's a cognitive bias to try to apply the bell curve to anecdotes, and accuse someone of lying because their narrative is merely "unlikely". The most egregious stories are those most likely to be shared.

[–]dw87190 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a literal human rights violation

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

As the original author of the post I want to make it clear family courts suck for both men and women. I don't associate with men's rights organizations. I understand that some in the men's rights are here for the right reasons but unfortunately from my experience they are usually more negative and anti women. I am sorry for any men that have suffered from family court but please leave me out of this.

[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]ruffmarkacademy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Like I said there are some in the men's rights movement who do good work for every one of them there are several who help men continue to victimize women.

I believe the court systems are horrible place for both sides of divorce depending on who is willing to mudsling the most. Usually the most toxic side is able to manipulate that court to continue to victimize those they terrorized while together. It's not a gender thing in my experience I've seen it work both for and against women as much as men. It usually comes down to money. The partner who is willing to spend the most is usually the winner since it's usually the male side of the couple who makes the bulk up income they usually have to help pay for her lawyers what happens when people spend money they didn't work for its easy to continue to spend it. So the woman usually comes out ahead.

If you remove gender from the equation you'll realize the whole family court system is there to cost both sides money for really doing nothing. It in the end hurts the children more because the debt that ends up costing the kid is college fund or losing a parent. Women and men both get damaged in family courts as such we should be working with them to find a better way. Not excluding them from the conversation.

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