I’ve (25F) been in a relationship (with 29M) for almost 5 years, we’ve had two 8 month hiatus periods. I’ve never been cheated on, but always believed I would get cheated on, because I’ve seen it happen to so many people around me and couldn’t believe it wouldn’t happen to me. Unfortunately my trust issues got the best of our relationship and we separated for almost 8 months. Of course I’ve been in therapy since and have uncovered a lot of my conditioning, but unfortunately none of my findings and realizations penetrated my trust issues deeply enough and if anything, I’ve come to accept that people are just not always going to be faithful. So instead of setting myself up for disappointment or further paranoia, upon getting back with him and finally seeing each other after months, he shared that he was hooking up with one friend who he said was exploring transitioning from being a lesbian into a bisexual. He said that to him it’s not more than the fulfillment of an urge, for both of them. Because we’re currently doing long distance, I told him he can continue to see her, as long as what we have remains sacred. It’s been a little over a month. We’ve been great. He doesn’t even see her that often and spends a lot of time on the phone with me. I’ve never felt safer.

I forgot to mention that during the time him and I weren’t together, I tried to rebound with someone and later found out he would be cheating on his girlfriend with me. It stopped before it even started. But it definitely didn’t help how I was seeing everything.

It feels like this arrangement will save me the paranoia and heartache. I realized it doesn’t bother me as much as not being able to trust him to be loyal. I trust him to protect and care for me, but I don’t trust men or women to be faithful partners. And like I said, now that I know and have accepted this, I’ve never felt safer.