Newlywed desperate for advice.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-07-12T17:25:01+00:00

Hm.

I won’t claim to be an expert in Chinese philosophy, but I’ve always enjoyed the ancient concept of masculine and feminine energy.

Masculine energy is dominant and represented by the sun. It is ambitious, always striving for excellence, bright and bold.

Feminine energy is dark and represented by the moon. It is more laid back, going with the flow, mysterious.

I think both are needed for a proper balance. I would argue that it’s actually a good thing for a highly-ambitious, hard-working man to have a more laid back wife. That way he can leave the masculine high-energy world and come home to a place of peace and calm energy. If you are his soft place to land, he will love you.

I focus less on “self-improvement” as a competitive world would describe it and more on creating a good environment for myself and my husband.

Self-care always helps bring me inner peace and it also helps me look good for him. Running a bath, shaving my legs, lots of lotion and good smells and exfoliation and other such things. Helps me feel good both mentally and physically.

I like to create a calming environment in my home. Scented candles, good lighting, air flow, decorations. There’s nothing better than working long hours and coming home to clean, nice-smelling, beautiful home without clutter.

Cooking is also therapeutic. Cooking a good meal not only nourishes your body with healthy foods but also gives you time to listen to music or watch your favorite show while you get lost in the routine. In addition to that, men love a good meal when they come home.

LadySandcastle · 2022-07-12T16:55:27+00:00

Reading fascinating womanhood would be a good start.

I also felt like I "married up" in a way. My husband's ideal in almost every way and I took a realistic look at myself and decided to work on the things I felt could be better.

Where exactly do you feel like you aren't measuring up? It sounds like he's type A and you're type B and that's okay! It probably helps you both balance out and that makes you a good pair. My husband likes that I help slow him down so he can relax sometimes.

oliveshoot · 2022-07-12T17:50:33+00:00

So far as creating a skeleton of building little habits, I really like dabbling in creating routines—for daily tasks (evening routine, morning routine, etc.) and then assigning a day of the week for things—laundry, cooking, errands, personal projects, rest. FlyLady is good for getting into very simple routines and building up from there. She especially appeals to me because her personality is not Type A. Anyone starting out with managing home tasks always seems to recommend having a routine for everything in your day and week.

Rose_Tremiere · 2022-07-12T18:55:36+00:00

First of all, it's great that you have this mindset to start with, so many women never get there! So that's something that can boost your confidence from the start: you *want* to be a good wife for your husband and you recognize all the things he's doing for you as provider. I think that's half the job right there :)

Secondly, I'm new on this sub and I asked for similar advice not long ago, and got lots of great replies, including recs for femininity coaches on YouTube. I haven't had time to look through all of them, but so far Classically Abby and Jillz Guerin are my fave. There are many, many others, so you won't lack for content!

Thirdly, I'm trying like you to establish a beauty routine. Taking care of your skin, hair and makeup is relatively easy and quick once you find the right products and know what works for you. Another thing you could try is cleaning out your closet and only keeping clothes that 1) you can wear often (asides from maybe a few formal dresses for special occasions) 2) are flattering and make you feel beautiful.

Finally, if you take good care of your home, attend to his needs and make him feel happy when he walks through the door, there will be no imbalance in your relationship. Having such a wife is priceless and he'll recognize that.

titlejunk · 2022-07-13T01:42:58+00:00

Just throwing this out there, but are you “drowning” due to lack of structure in your days?

Asking because your post is vague but I have intermittently struggled with that.

If that is the case, what has helped me is assigning tasks to certain days and/or times. For example: Mondays and Fridays I clean and wash everything I can. (I want to be able to spend my weekends not cleaning and washing anything unnecessary. I want to spend my weekends with my husband who isn’t around on Mondays and Fridays.) Thursday I feed the plants. Every day at 3pm I decide what will happen for dinner and determine if I need anything from the store. Most days at 9am I go to yoga. Tuesdays and Thursdays I give the dogs extra exercise.

I could go on and on but essentially I have a schedule of my own design that I hold myself to.

Prior to implementing this system I went through a (depression) stage where I would spend 75% of my day in bed, shower and minimally clean before my husband got home, make a thrown together dinner or order pizza, and repeat the process the next day. I was both “going with the flow” and “drowning”.

zaftig_stig · 2022-07-13T02:05:41+00:00

I’m curious, are you thinking that going with the flow is a character flaw or not enough? I guess what I’m thinking is he knew this about you when he proposed and married you and because he is so driven he may really appreciate that part of your personality, it may complement him in a way that he really appreciates.

A lot of men are happy when their wife is happy. I’m curious if after a month of being married if you’re thinking has gone off course and you’re focusing on just your flaws. I applaud your willingness and desire to improve yourself, I guess what I’m wanting to point out or highlight is that the parts you think are flaws may not be flaws but you’re judging them as such.

Men think in the now they don’t look at potential and I’m saying this because if he proposed and married to you then that means that he appreciates you and likes you as you are right now. It sounds like he might be having some stinking thinking going on in your head. Also, if you like to read, the Queens Code by Alison Armstrong is such a good book and being a newlywed I think you might really enjoy it. She imports a lot of wisdom in the form of a story about three different women: a single woman, a married woman and an older woman who’s been in a happy marriage. It’s a really easy and fun read but it is so profound at the same time.

Congratulations on your marriage!

lunaridesa · 2022-07-15T19:43:09+00:00

Everyone's capable of getting physically hotter, for one. As red pill as it gets for physique improvement, IMO - thinner leaner stronger.

Exstntial-strawberry · 2022-07-12T17:25:05+00:00

I’m currently reading the empowered wife by Laura Doyle and it gives a lot of helpful tips for being a great wife and having a great relationship!

BePrivateGirl · 2022-09-03T05:58:01+00:00

This post did not age well. Everything you described about a masculine, protector, provider fell apart within 2 months?

Title	Newlywed desperate for advice.
Author	lunaridesa
Upvotes	27
Comments	19
Date	July 12, 2022 4:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/vxfhss/newlywed_desperate_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/newlywed-desperate-for-advice.1123032 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123032

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