How to drag myself out of depression after my life of failure as a woman

abishagofthevalley · 2022-07-25T11:19:55+00:00

Im in my car and cant type much. You are being very hard on yourself. If your house is messy -- declutter ASAP. Find support on the declutter sub. Im sorry but at 50 is not late to get it together but the mindset needs to be different than 20 and 30. Forget about what you know from redpill and manosphere because they are absolutely blind to the female experience and motherhood. Which should be your main focus now. Declutter your home. Get right with God. Be clean, not polished if you cant, have a cute simple pony, try to smell nice. Thats enough to not hate yourself. You are judging yourself from a societal POV and thats very unfair. Your accusers, the abstract lot of them, are not in your house to condemn you. So fuck them. Do the beautiful things that you can do and this will be enough for your children. Read with them, watch good films, teach them music. You dont know where to start maybe and it will be a learning experience. Okay take them along with you. Teach them to be responsible with things and look after themselves. Dirty laundry in the hamper, should hang clothes to dry, clear the table after a meal, have orderly desks. Say please and thank you. Stop hating and give yourself some grace. And escape to the eternal values, virturs and beauties, which require no bling to make you feel grateful that you are alive. These are never too late to strive for. If possible, hustle less or in a less hectic manner.

Your post touched me. I wish you and your kids the best.

Ps: just reread and you are educated and intelligent. You've got all you need in you, to make it. God bless.

itsbigoleme · 2022-07-25T16:28:09+00:00

You don’t need to be young or pretty to find love. You are not overweight and you are a hard worker.

I know you said you know you won’t ever find love, but I think that’s a big lie. I suggest finding a man with kids as he will likely be open to your kids.

I would also learn radical acceptance. You can google what it entails but overall it’s accepting your full self and past decisions that were made. Once you can fully accept yourself and understand that you are only human only then can you finally move on to healing. Your future has so many AMAZING options now that you’re free of your abusive husband.

QueenOfAllLurkers · 2022-07-25T14:45:01+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m positive it’s not too late for you to meet someone else. Don’t give up on yourself! Just curious..did you first husband ever have children?

g00d-gir1 · 2022-07-25T20:43:24+00:00

I have never commented here before but read a lot. So much of your story is also my story. So much in fact my jaw dropped.

Two marriages (mortifying), we were the same ages (!), 2 children, similar-ish reasons, having inappropriate crushes as a result of an emotionally abusive marriage / low self esteem and a complete lack of boundaries towards myself. I’m 50 next year. It’s been a roller coaster ride that’s for sure and not the life I expected to lead at all.

I’m about 4 years ahead of you though in terms of moving on and I can say with absolute conviction that the only way through this is to love and forgive yourself.

It is not easy, in fact it is very, very hard, especially when you’ve had as much happen as we have, but if I can do it so can you. Only then should you be thinking about a relationship.

A book that really helped me was ‘heal your life’ by Louise hay. If you buy it do ALL the exercises. I read it every year. Taking extreme responsibility was also another thing that I had to do. Looking at the decisions I had made and how they contributed to the mess I was in. (Which I think may have been what another response meant by ‘you are the problem’)

I also have read a lot about codependency, boundaries and self esteem.

Only now coming up for 5 years later am I even starting to think about the possibility of meeting someone. And while I still have a bit of work to do on the ‘feeling worthy of a good man’ front I’m much more confident and self assured than I have been for a very, very long time. The ladies here will give you great red pill advice when the time comes for a relationship but now is not the time. You need to focus on yourself first and for as long as it takes.

Good luck

sunglasses90 · 2022-07-25T11:44:45+00:00

I wouldn’t say you failed. You’re alive and healthy and you have 2 beautiful children who need you more than anything. You have a God given purpose.

I think you do need to learn self love because your children love you and need you to teach them how to love themselves. Maybe get into a Christian women’s group and talk to other women who I’m sure go through similar struggles.

As for relationships it’s honestly never too late. You need to reevaluate how you’re picking partners though. If you don’t respect yourself your partner won’t either. Never pick someone out of desperation or based on potential.

32vromeo · 2022-07-25T15:50:57+00:00

To be frank, you've went through a lot but your attitude isn't going to help your situation. Remember, where there's a will there's a way. I'd say start working on yourself first. Look for things to boost your happiness and motivation and recognize that every successful person had help. So for your home, maybe have your kids help you tidy up. I once paid a cleaning company to come out. Best $100 I ever spent and made upkeep way easier. Also, you'll be amazed at how a makeover will make you feel. Maybe you have some friends to help you out. All of this is a good start but remember, baby steps. People say you have a nice figure, I can tell you it certainly doesn't take much.

LadySandcastle · 2022-07-25T11:41:20+00:00

I am really sorry you went through all that. Neither one of your husband's treated you fairly. You made mistakes but we all do, it doesn't make you a failure.

If therapy is an option for you in any way I would look into it, you need validation for the good choices you made and for how hard you're working for your kids. Medication is also an option- it's sometimes controversial around here to turn to meds instead of idk pulling yourself up by the bootstraps?? But it's a physiological chemical imbalance in the brain and there shouldn't be anything wrong with trying it out. It completely changed my life.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-07-25T12:38:10+00:00

Weird question: What could you have done differently?

Only_Fig1816 · 2022-07-25T20:33:24+00:00

I have the inherent bias of being a man; but I'm mostly confused. What are you so upset about exactly? You have 2 children, so sounds like you didn't actually 'fail' in the truest sense of the word imo.

Your relationships didn't work out into a happily ever after, ok, far from uncommon in this day and age sadly, but shouldn't most of your mind and energy be directed at your children anyway right about now even if you did have a partner? Would your children even like it very much if you started pushing Mr. Right into their lives at this point anyway? I don't think I would have.

Are you upset because you 'failed' to attract and keep the precise profile of man you wanted? Be honest, were the types you were aiming for ever 'in your league' so to speak? Should all of us men be upset we didn't marry our ideal beautiful submissive young housewife who comes from money when we are 50?

Edit: Reading more it really seems like you are longing for men that were never in your ballpark unfortunately. I hate to say it but this does in fact lend itself to a lot of stuff Redpill guys say. Women mistreat and don't value the men who are actually their level and then go the top 20% of guys and wonder why it doesn't work out longterm.

Also, how much younger is this guy than you? How creepy or inappropriate would this be if it was something like a 50 year old man crushing on a 25 year old women?

Only_Fig1816 · 2022-07-25T20:48:56+00:00

I would love to have found real lasting love and have a comfortable life and be able to give my children the things I see other families give theirs. I feel sad I never found love. These are the things I failed at.

slver6 · 2022-07-25T18:16:17+00:00

you answer yourself

I don't want to know how to find a man to love me as I know that's impossible but I don't know how to live with myself.

the part of find a man does not matter, the problem is that you have see yourself only as a wife, and mother, like that was your ultimate goal, THAT IS WHY YOU DO NOT KNOW TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF that is the problem...

you need to love yourself to even being have a little chance to being loved... and love yourself is not being an entitled bratty person that no one deserve you, there is a lot of story you are not sharing, and you were the one that ended marriages and is now alone and sad, that is why I say that about loveyourself.

anyways I am pretty sure that you have no idea of what you really wants and what you really are, that is why you ended those marriages, you get to a dead end and the only move available in your imagination was to end the marriages BOTH TIMES to solve the problem but, you were the problem (sorry the way you put things in you story made it that clear, and it was clearer with the end of the second marriage).

You are still alive, you have a family as you wanted, but life is not as easy as you expected, I think you have some fault on those bad marriages but you are not a failure, maybe society wants you to think that, but you can still fight to be a better version of yourself, and as I said, if you do not love you, no one will, happiness is something people look or search for, but first and foremost you need to develop yourself and be someone you are happy or at least comfortable WITH YOURSELF happiness will be a result of that, not the goal... but I not gonna lie your position is difficult (monetary and work) however I think you can still find a partner if that is what you wants... but look for people in the same league as you...

MOSFETBJT · 2022-07-25T19:03:59+00:00

You seem like such a nice lady. I’m sure someone will love you. Don’t give up hope.

Jenneapolis · 2022-07-25T21:39:01+00:00

Maybe try to build a good life for yourself and your kids without love for now. It sounds cliche but you can be happy without a partner. Once you get yourself together, you can naturally attract. My mother is in her 3rd marriage, they met at 50 or so, and he’s the love of her life. They both had kids with their first marriages and are enjoying this second stage of life together. It can be done, but it won’t happen if you aren’t getting any personal joys out of life. Your kids are old enough to help you and take care of themselves in many ways. I know easier said than done but now is the time for you to find your own purpose.

Title	How to drag myself out of depression after my life of failure as a woman
Author	Only_Fig1816
Upvotes	59
Comments	55
Date	July 25, 2022 10:33 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/w7lhh6/how_to_drag_myself_out_of_depression_after_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-drag-myself-out-of-depression-after-my-life.1124912 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124912

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